One Day At a Time

What have I been up to?

2012-01-28T19:56:00.001-04:00

Well growing a baby is a big one. I am feeling much better now then I was in October. I am now 22 weeks pregnant and very excited and anxious to have a little baby in my arms! We have decided not to find out the sex of the baby but will be going to 3DMiricles for a Heart Beat Bear. We had our first ultrasound not too long ago and that was exciting. The best part was finding out that there was only one baby in there!

We had started our nursery in October, but have just officially “finished” it yesterday.

Before

After

The only thing I have left to do is recover the cushions to the rocking chair. That was my Mom’s rocking chair that has been around forever, it is still comfy, just needs a little love.

And speaking of my Mom we had our first Christmas without her. It was a bit rough, but not as hard as I had thought. Being pregnant has had alot of ups and downs thinking about Mom. My Dad is doing fairly well, he just lost a brother the beginning of this month which was a bit difficult for everyone. Reality is if people would eat well and exercise they would live longer and less people would die of massive heart attacks. I feel kind of hypocritical saying that because my exercise has been pretty low, but Dean and I plan to get right back into it once baby is here. We are going to join a complex with a pool and I am super excited about swimming and getting my baby used to the water!

I really hope to blog a bit more now. I had alot of stress in my life after finding out I was pregnant and work and the holidays. But now my stress level is lower, and I also know that blogging and writing things out will help my stress level. I have been working on getting more organized and finding some joy in my life. I was feeling like I was just sitting like a bump on a log for a long time and I really want to become more active with doing things I enjoy and getting used to being busy.

Well that’s it for now, I am glad to be back to blogging and getting some thought out in writing I hope to keep it up with some interesting things in my life.

What’s the good news?

2011-10-26T11:52:00.001-03:00

I have been trying to think of how to write this blog post. It’s not easy and I really don’t know why. So I will just say it.

I’m Pregnant!

We are truly excited by this, we have alot of anxiety and fear. We are both only children from small families and don’t have alot of experience with babies. But we are very happy!

I have been feeling pretty crappy. The exhaustion I feel is nothing like everything I ever felt before. And I have been nauseated almost all the time. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

We are going to be parents and cannot wait!

Happy 2nd Anniversary!

2011-09-13T18:48:00.001-03:00

Wow, I feel like time just flies by sometimes. Hubby and I have been married for 2 years! We have had a pretty good week. We went out to dinner and we spent the day shopping. We didn’t buy anything just shopped around. I am blessed to have a husband who loves me and I am also blessed that Mom got to share my wedding day with me.

I am back to work Monday, I am excited to go back and get a routine going again. I have gained alot of perspective and I think I found what is really important. I have set some goals for myself and also discovered some things I love again.

The rest of the week will involved getting some lunches made and relaxing. I might get my hair cut, and I might go buy some new clothes, but for the most part I will be relaxing at home with my hubby!

Guilt… Lots of guilt

2011-09-07T20:36:00.001-03:00

So I have been doing this whole thing where I am working on my self, health and emotions. Dad is coming to visit tomorrow and I have had Mom’s camera at my place and he wants it back. So I thought I would take the pictures off it, that is why I had it in the first place.

Enter guilt trip extraordinaire! I found what I believe is the last picture that was taken of my Mom. What makes me so sad and guilty is that I was there and I refused being in the picture. I could have had a chance to be in that photo, Mom asked me to be in that photo, and I was being to petty and stupid and said no.

My cousin, mother and grandmother. 3 generations just not the right ones. I should have been in that picture. The worst of it is that it also made me realize that I will never have a 3 generation picture with my mom. I have one with my great grandmother, even though she passed away when I was only a baby,

The other thing I realized is that I have changed alot in the last 6 months. Things that used to be so important are really stupid and petty. Life is more important than being mad about people being late or what you have for a holiday dinner.

What I now know is that I have to take as many opportunities as I can to spend time with my father and other family, I need to remember the time spent and not how it is spent but that it is spent with family, friends, and being happy.

I miss Mom everyday, some days are harder than others, Today was a rough one, I can’ only hope that tomorrow will be better.

Six Months, Ups & Downs.

2011-09-05T12:18:00.001-03:00

Wow, first off it’s hard to believe that it’s been 6 months since my mom passed away. I have certainly had some ups and downs. When Mom passed away I almost immediately decided to change my lifestyle for the better. We joined the gym and I was eating better, I was finding stress relief in the gym and for a long time was feeling good. Then about 6 – 8 weeks ago things started to slip. Alot in my life was causing me stress and anxiety and I really was not coping well at all. Some people would say that I entered the “depression” stage of my grief, and maybe that was true, but I think alot of it was that I lost myself and started focusing on other people instead of myself. I have this time off to rediscover who I want to be and I talked last time about setting goals and finding what I want in life. While I am now officially registered for the Valley Harvest 5K. Dean registered us yesterday and I honestly had thoughts of doubt and fear while he was doing it. But we went to the gym yesterday and I ran for 11 minuets straight and I also managed to walk/run 2 miles in 26 minuets… not to shabby. Dean is planning on doing the 1/2 marathon and this morning we set up a training schedule for him and finalized mine as well. It is real now!

The past few days have been pretty good, although I have had Dean home with me and that has alot to do with it. Saturday we went on a hike with Lynn and Jason. It was along the Crowbar Trail with great views and lots of incline! It was a great way to burn some calories and spend time with friends. There is a longer trail that I would love to go back to do next spring.

Yesterday Dean spend the day in the kitchen after our trip to the gym, he made stock, pasta sauce and barbeque sauce. I love that my husband would rather have homemade things than going out the store to buy it, and that he makes it himself. We have not bought pasta sauce since moving into our house, we also have not bought store made bread since buying out bread maker a few months ago, I don’t know how much money we save, but I can only think that we do, plus the real things are healthier and have less chemicals in them.

Today I stepped on the scale, it is slowly climbing back up. So I decided to track my food again and today was the starting point. I really am not focusing so much on losing weight, more on getting enough protein/iron in and having a balanced day. I do have it set to lose 1/2 pound per week but really I just want to feel good. If you feel good you look good!

Hope everyone is having a great Labour Day!

Re thinking the process

2011-09-02T17:47:00.001-03:00

It has been a while since I blogged, I have stayed caught up on everyone else though.

I have had to take some time off work. Between work, and life I was not in a good state. I was crying almost everyday and a ball of nerves at work. I have realized somewhere in the last six weeks I stopped making myself a priority. After Mom died I made the decision to be healthy and make myself the most important thing. With Dad coming home, work being busy and other family crap I lost sight of myself. I stopped eating well I stopped being active, always finding the excuses that i have used my whole life; “I am to busy”, “It’s too nice out”, “I will tomorrow”. I have to find some goals, both short term and long term and I need to make a plan to follow through. I need to work on managing my stress and anxiety. I need to find healthy ways to deal with my guilt and grief. My doctor has been very helpful making me realize that taking two weeks off when Mom first passed away was no where near enough. That is why I have this time off now.

The one thing I have kept up is my personal training, I did miss a few sessions but overall that has been my only real activity in the past few weeks. However today I achieved a huge milestone for me… I ran at 5.0 for ten minuets. I have never done that before! I am extremely pleased with this, but at the time my trainer was very honest… I can be better, I can do better. He has noticed I have not been committed to this one-hundred percent. I haven't been, I haven't hit the gym unless it’s been to see John. I haven't been walking as much as I could be, I haven't had the energy to tell the truth, and I need to fight though this and just do it!

So one thing I need to work on are some goals. I have really never had alot of goals I have wanted. I don’t dream big, I grew up with little and don’t take what I have for granted. I am a homebody and would rather have movie marathons on the couch then go on a trip. However I need something to work towards in life or else I will end up feeling like I didn’t accomplish anything. I want to focus on a few areas in my life; active living, organization/home life, adventure/new thing, and personal upkeep.

My first goal is to run the Valley Harvest 5K. My trainer feels this is totally do-able and after running for 10 minuets I do to. I have found a 5 week training program that starting Monday I will stick to! As for goals go, I also have 2 passes to try hot yoga, and I have joined up for a Zumba class.

I also plan to book a massage and get a pedicure, eye brow wax and hair cut. We also are planning a night away, just not sure where yet. I also plan to get back into blogging, I find it is very helpful for me to write down how I feel and what I want to plan. I can lay things out here and see where I should be going.

I leave you with a picture that I took on my road trip with Lynn.

Crazy go round!

2011-07-29T17:21:00.001-03:00

Well I have had another crazy week. However it has been very good in alot of respects. I am just happy it’s a three day weekend!

I have made it back to the gym. Sunday I hit the gym and just took it easy for my first day back, Monday thought I hit the treadmill for a run and ouch… I was some sore after but all the good sore that comes with working out. Tuesday I hit up my first personal training session in 2 weeks. That was also painful, but all in the good way. I am so glad that I can almost easily slide back into my workout routine after being off for two weeks!

Eating has also been pretty good. I rocked Monday and Tuesday, but did have a downfall Wednesday and Thursday. It’s that time for me where my hormones are yelling at me to eat. But it’s all tracked and accounted for. One feature I love about My Fitness Pal on the IPod is that it shows your average net calories. I use this as my guide to tell me how my week is going. I know one day can do damage but in the run of a week if it’s only one day, I can live with that. The trick to living a healthy lifestyle is allowing yourself to splurge every once in a while. If I didn’t do that I would go crazy.

Earlier this week Dean and I sat down and made some pretty big decisions about where our life is heading. I can’t go into too much detail right now but for the next while we will be focusing on sticking to our budget and living healthy. I feel like we have the living healthy almost down. But sticking to our budget is tricky sometimes. We have money for everything we need, but sometimes we tend to over spend all at once when we may not need to. But again having a life worth living sometimes involves splurges now and then.

Plans for the long weekend include a session with my trainer tomorrow, and housework, plus a trip to visit my Dad (he made it safe and sound back from Ont.) and hopefully an enjoyable evening on the back deck with Dean. He has been working opposite hours than me and I feel like I haven't seen him in a while so I am looking forward to spending the weekend with him!

What are your plans for the long weekend? Whatever they may be hope everyone stays safe!

Plan A vs. Plan B

2011-07-23T19:33:00.001-03:00

Wow I have had a really rough week. After my vacation post I had all these posts in my head lined up, but due to my injured shoulder my whole game plan for the week fell though.

See I am really good at coming up with a plan for the week/month ect. I am really good at making lists and schedules. I have a to-do list constantly on the go at work and it’s how I get things done. Unfortunately I very seldom have a back up plan. I do not like things out of my normal or that are unplanned. This leads to stress/anxiety and over all me not getting anything accomplished.

I had planned to get back to the gym Wednesday but after having the Nurse Practitioner at work look at my shoulder she said to keep away from activity for 5 – 7 days at least. It is feeling 100% better now and my plan is to head to the gym right after breakfast tomorrow. But the point was that with my gym plans ruined I ended up coming home and sitting on my ass doing nothing. It also for some reason led to me eating just as bad as when I was on vacation. With all the bad food and lack of exercise I have ended up with built up emotions that poured over today leaving me physically and emotionally drained. I need to find a way to always have a back up plan. This is something I will be putting alot of thought into. So with that said I have a well formulated plan for the upcoming week.

Meals are planned and healthy food is in the house.
I will be hard boiling some eggs tomorrow as well as cooking some chicken breasts for salads and such.
I plan to hit the gym up 5 days this week, including going back to my trainer for 2 sessions.
Track everything that goes into my mouth with an attempt to keep it at 1200 calories (but allowing my self my normal 1580)
Take some progress pictures and measurements.

Also this week my Dad comes home for good! He works away and has finally left and will be coming home to the house and all his family. I am a little anxious about this because it will mean a huge change in our relationship but it also means more support for each of us.

Well I feel better now that my plan is all out there. Hopefully it will be a good week and I can follow though, and if I can’t I can find ways to modify my plans to keep with a healthy lifestyle, which is always in the back of my mind… even if it doesn't show.

Vacation 2011

2011-07-19T21:54:00.001-03:00

Wow it’s been a while since I blogged. Part of it was due to a lovely vacation we went on. I unplugged for the most part and relaxed while we camped at Dollar Lake. We had a great time relaxing, even in the rain! Here is a tour of our humble abode.

This was our campsite, we had gotten a new camping set this year and it was great.

Our “bedroom” our “kitchen” and our “living room/dining room” I have to say a few words about our kitchen. It was a Christmas gift from Mom two years ago and I found it very useful with a sink and storage for dishes and food. We even had a visitor squirrel stuck in our tent and had a nice swim in the lake. I was so glad to get away and I am so relaxed when I came back and feel relaxed and rejuvenated.

While on vacation we also saw a few movies and celebrated Deans birthday by going to dinner at Niche. Dean also got dessert on the house, Baily’s Mint Cheesecake!

I am now ready to go back to work and get back on track. I am however suffering from a shoulder pain. I am not sure what has caused it but a trip to the doctor is in the near future!

Hope everyone has a healthy fun week!

Shred Away

2011-07-07T20:09:00.001-03:00

I am having a hard time right now. But not with the “normal” stuff. I am eating pretty good. I am exercising pretty good. But still find my self emotionally in a rut. I can definitely chalk some of it up to PMS. And I am sure some of it is from being stuck in work 38 degree weather (we have no air circulation at all!). And still I would like could probably blame some of it on the date yesterday (4 months since Mom passed away). I know all these reasons as to why I am not emotionally all together right now, but I feel like none of them are the “right” reasons. I feel like it’s something else entirely.

I go on vacation next week and we are going camping for 4 nights. I am so excited to be getting away. But honestly part of me is scared I will undo alot of my success in that amount of time. Is that ridiculous? I really don’t know. I find self motivation a hard thing for me and always have. I am really hopeful that I will swim alot, that we will walk alot, that I will not want to eat alot of junk.

I am happy to say that I did something today I haven't done in a while. I had full intentions of going to the gym after work today. My bag was packed and in the car. But I had a pretty ugly day at work and really just wanted to come home, so I did. But as I was sitting looking at Twitter and thinking about what to do a thought crossed my mind… I could do 30 Day shred. And after thinking it I did it. For me this was huge. I often think of things I could do, run out side, ride my bike, but I never do them. I never get up the motivation to just do it. And today I did.

But the best part… I was able to do it all without a break… something that has never happened!

Canada Day Weekend 2011

2011-07-03T17:21:00.001-03:00

Happy Canada Day weekend everyone, hope everyone had a safe and happy long weekend. The weather here was amazing and my weekend was spent with friends, having alot of fun.

Friday we had a BBQ. Lynn wrote a great post on it with pictures and all of my pictures are pretty much the same. We headed out after a few drinks on the patio to walk down to the fireworks. We were really disappointed because they were not set off at the same place as last year so we had a building in the way.

This was the best picture I got, and there were only maybe 3 other fireworks that made it over the building. So we walked back home, totally close to 11 km with a huge hill at the end. Over all thought is was a good day full of laughs and fun.

Yesterday Dean and I did some shopping. Actually I was looking for a bathing suit. I hate bathing suit shopping! However I did find one that suites me ok. But you may never see me in it! We shall see. We also finished up most of our camping shopping and now have everything we need… I don’t know if it will all fit in the car but we have it anyway. Last evening Dean worked and I spent the time watching girly movies. It was relaxing and I was happy to have some time to myself.

Today wrapped up my long weekend beautifully. This morning I headed out with some lovely ladies for a walk around Lake Banook and coffee. We went to Two if By Sea. It was my first time there and I have only heard good things about it. I got a Chia Latte and a Chocolate Croissant.

It was good, and so filling I couldn’t finish it. We headed back to the cars after alot of chatting and totalled around 5Km. It was a lovely day and I had never walked completely around the lake before so it was very enjoyable and didn’t even seem like exercise.

Tonight we are ended the weekend with another BBQ. Dean is cooking up some chicken breasts for me to make lunches with and I am planning a healthy week of salads and exercise!

8 more working days until I go on vacation!!

It’s in the inches.

2011-06-29T16:03:00.001-03:00

So finally some progress! I have had a pretty good week overall. Ups and downs of course but that is just life.

Work has been a bit stressful lately. Emotions have been running high with the death of a patient and the heat has gotten other patients a bit wacky. I of course have been running around and with a 4 day week this week and then only 6 working days left until I go off on vacation I am trying to get everything done!

I have a great NSV to report! I went to Value Village on Saturday and was looking for jeans in the 13/14 section, I tried on a total of 9 pairs, all but 2 were too big! Next time I will be hitting the 11/12 section! I really would like a new pair of jeans but really don’t want to spend the money if they are not going to fit me in a few months. I know that shouldn’t be an excuse. Honestly I probably use that too much to avoid shopping, but used clothes are just as good most of the time.

I have been really trying to watch what I have been eating in regards to carb and protein intake. I adjusted my ration on MFP to have more protein, but I am finding it extremely hard to get it all in, and to keep my carbs down at the same time. A interesting thing happened on Sunday though. Dean made a loaf of white bread. I wasn’t hungry but had a small piece to try it. After that I was starving for 2 hours! That really showed me how much carbs influence my hunger and my eating. I will be trying to slowly make the switch to whole wheat's. Over all my intake has been pretty good though, trying to make the right choices has been easy.

Last but not least is the fact that yesterday at my training session I had my measurements done. The good news is that I lost inches from everywhere on my body, and almost 5 from my waist alone. My arms and thighs are now equal in size, and my bust and hips are shrinking too. Learning that I have made progress in the size department really gave me some motivation to keep going. I may not be losing it in weight, but I know things are changing.

Hope everyone has a safe, active Canada Day Weekend! My plans include a 5K walk to the fireworks and some relaxing on the deck!

Sometimes things don’t add up.

2011-06-22T21:18:00.001-03:00

In March my life changed. In March I was at a point where I had no energy. In March I felt like the world was going to break me. I could barely go up my three flights of stairs and I ate enough most days for two people. I got a rude awakening when my Mom, 120lbs passed away due to her poor lifestyle.

I have been faithfully going to the gym since April. I have been tracking my food since April. I have been seeing my personal trainer twice a week since April. I was 39% body fat and 182lbs in April (based on trainer’s scale in the afternoon)

April

May

June

3 months later and I feel better physically. I have more confidence. I feel my stress level is lower. I manage my stress better. I am stronger. I challenge myself more. I ran for 5 minuets at 5.0 on the treadmill! I am now 38% body fat and weigh 180lbs.

Can you say frustrated? I can. After my reassessment my trainer asked me about my eating habits. He wants a copy of a week of food records and says by the sound of it I am not eating enough protein and I am eating too many carbs. This is probably true. I know as much as I track pretty much everything that goes in my mouth I still don’t eat well. I eat too much junk, I eat most of what I burn at the gym. I drink a bit too much wine on the weekends?? No, not too much wine.

I feel so much better, but I still have a long way to go. I need to get my eating in control, and now. While I know all my blood tests came back good I feel like I can still be doing damage. Anyone on MyFitnessPal can take a look at my diary and maybe give me some help on what to do. I am at a loss. I still want to balance good eating with treats, something I am finding very hard to do.

Honestly after the week I have had finding out I have made such little progress was pretty upsetting, but after cooling down I am not going to let this stop me, I will find a way to lead a healthy lifestyle and get rid of this body fat!

A day at home.

2011-06-20T20:11:00.001-03:00

Well today ended up being a sick day for me. Last evening I knew I just was in no emotional state of mind to work. So I relaxed with a glass of wine while we listened to music.

This morning I was glad that I had decided to call in sick because I was still so sore from the gym that I could barely move. I made great protein smoothies for breakfast hoping to get my muscles repaired. Then we headed out to run some errands. We were on a mission to get some shelving for our cats room. Ok really we use it as a store room, but the cats have their litter box, food and a chair in there. I mean look at Rosie, how does she not deserve her own room?

So after we obtained our shelves we also got Dean a drill, he was complaining about not having alot of power tools and this would make his job easier. With the shelves assembled we put stuff away. Now there is alot more room to stock up during our Costco trips!

While Dean was making supper I decided to roam around the yard and see how my garden was doing. I am guilty of not taking care of my gardens. We have trimmed out hedges our front and I did weed in the beginning of the summer. Back in May I bought five plants and planted them where I thought they would do good. Turns out the Hosta’s that were already planted took over and covered up my plants. So I thought they were dying. Well after uncovering them I discovered these:

There is one more plant that hasn’t bloomed yet, but it looks close. After digging out the plants I am now eager to decide what I want to do with my yard. I didn’t kill things, maybe I do have a green thumb!

After supper we went for a walk, and I am happy to report my back and legs are feeling much better. Back to work for me tomorrow and to the trainer. I am excited to get my progress checked and my head is back in the game!

Emotional Workout

2011-06-19T14:38:00.001-03:00

Ugh, I am so sore today, and I cannot even say it is from a fantastic work out.

Yesterday I got some pretty emotional news and if I had of gotten it earlier I would have cancelled my training session. But I went, even though I was pretty emotional. I was warming up on the elliptical and I was almost in tears. I did seem to settle down a bit once Jon got me going, for a few minuets I even felt like my stress was going away. Then I got to the point where my body didn’t want to work. I was doing squats on the bosu and lunges and I just couldn’t do it. I felt like I was going to fall, like my hip joints were going to give out. My legs were shaking so bad, I was getting so mad at myself! Jon put me on the treadmill for a few minuets to see if it would get my mind back in the game, but that only led to me feeling sick to my stomach and almost having a panic attack! I had told him why I was so upset so he was pretty understanding about it. We kept going and he didn’t push me too hard.

I had a great calorie burn, and like I said I am super sore today. But I can’t say it was because I had a great workout, it was because I was so anxious and probably so tense that while doing the exercises it was hurting my body. I also didn’t stretch as much as I should have, and I know I didn’t drink enough water. Needless to say alot of it is behind me know and I am just hoping to get out for a walk between rain showers today.

In good news I stepped on the scale today and was down a pound. I have to say it is taking a long time for the weight to come off. I feel good for the most part though, and on Tuesday we are rechecking my body fat percentage so I will be excited to report that progress. I has to have improved. I know I am strong and have more muscle than I did when I started.

Hope everyone is having a good Sunday!

Life has led me

2011-06-18T15:31:00.001-03:00

Life had led me down many different roads. I have been a single child my whole life and that has made in impact. I was always kind of an “outsider” growing up, making very few life long friends. I chose to stay home to go to university, I had a huge falling out with my best friends only to become closer with them in the end. I found the man of my dreams and our relationship is wonderful. We have a house and a cat and plan to have kids someday. All of my choices have led me to this. I have a great job, and I am truly happy when I put everything together.

I didn’t choose for my Mom to die, there was no choice, I just had to deal and move on. And without tooting my own horn I feel I am doing a pretty good job. However the events that have happened with my family since Mom’s death has led me to increased stress and I have felt the need to start a private blog, so if you would like to be helpful and give advice leave your e-mail and I’ll add you, or e-mail me at holly_sarah @ Hotmail.com.

Thanks for reading!

Alone in my Head

2011-06-16T20:42:00.001-03:00

Hubby got a promotion at work a few weeks ago. It so great that he got a promotion, and it’s great that all the management love him at work, he has even been told more promotions are in his future! The down fall of the new position is the new hours. Dean now has to work some evenings and closes. With the different hours comes more alone time for me, which poses a problem.

So what is wrong with alone time? During the day really nothing, I tend to be productive and get things done, but in the evenings there is less to do. First of all I don’t like being in the house after dark by myself. I know that is kind of stupid, and I do feel safe, I just get anxious and imagine all kinds of crazy things. The other reason I don’t like being alone is the thoughts that go through my head after too long. I think about everything and normally end up in tears or getting mad at myself for how this always happens.

I used to think about my lifestyle and how unhealthy I was. I would get frustrated at myself and what I would eat, or the fact that I would be sitting on my butt on the couch. I used to think of what was going on in my life and how I could change it, I felt hopeless. Now I have my Mom to add to that. I am coping well but also often get surges of emotion. Plus my grandfather isn’t doing so well, or my aunt for that matter. I have alot in my head right now and it’s alot of stuff I want to get off my chest but don’t feel comfortable sharing on the blog. I do write some of it in a journal, but alot of it just gets shoved to the back of my mind.

Until of course I am alone to think about it. To distract myself I usually end up doing random things that aren't really productive. I am hoping that blogging about this will help me get some of my anxiety out and I will feel better. I am also using this opportunity to take up time before it’s off to bed! So my question to you is;

Do you have a private blog to get your thoughts out?

Rhubarb Ramblings.

2011-06-14T21:07:00.001-03:00

Well, unfortunately I am not much of a picture taker and totally forgot to take pictures of the Rhubarb Crisp I made yesterday. I had a good haul of rhubarb that we brought home from PEI on Sunday and part of my day yesterday involved cutting it up and freezing it!

I Managed to get four, 4 Cup bags in the freezer and have been looking for different recipes to use it in. Dean’s grandparents had a huge patch and I am wondering if it is able to be transplanted sometime so I can always have some in my yard too. Although I have never used it much before I know it is tasty and there is lots you can do with it.

What is your favourite rhubarb recipe?

Yesterday marked a day to remember for me. I ran for 3 minuets on the treadmill! I am doing a couch to 5K program that is a bit different from the other one I had done in the past. Yesterday marked my first day doing a walk for 2 minuets and run for 3, repeated times five. I slowed my pace down and completed it all. I was tired and a bit tight, but I did it and I didn’t feel like I was over whelmed. My plan is to increase my pace for the next two runs to get back up to the pace I was running at when doing 3:2 intervals. Today at the gym Jon had me running at 5.1, another benchmark for me. I was doing 2:2 intervals and I started running at 4.8 for the first moving up all the way to 5.1. I was a sweaty mess and at the last set I really thought I was going to have to stop, but I did it and felt great at the end. I know I often grumble about not losing the weight or seeing inches falling off but the fact that I can now run for 3 minuets and that I can run at 5.1 are truly inspiring for me. I have hope now that I will be able to do a 5K race someday!

We added to Dean’s appliance collection today! When we were in PEI Deans grandmother had her bread machine on the go, it smelled so good that I agreed to buy one when we got home. So we went out and bought this one from Canadian Tire. It was on sale and I told Dean if we end up using it alot we can upgrade to a better one someday. I’ll admit I am a little afraid of how much I might end up liking home made bread and might go a little carb crazy, but everything in moderation right? If I do completely fall in love with this bread I will need to let something else go to fit it into my calorie allowance. I am most excited to make cinnamon raisin bread once we get the ingredients!

I have one more thing to share this evening that I am very sad to report. I have tweeted about how I love the smell of my lilac tree when I am sitting out on my back deck. Well because of all this rain I think it may be ending before it’s time. It sure is taking a beating! I managed to get this great picture of it on the weekend, and I am hoping it will still be around for this weekend.

Hope everyone is having a good week, I know I am!

Busy Weekend, Lot’s of thoughts!

2011-06-13T14:50:00.001-03:00

Wow, it truly is amazing how fast time goes. This week has been a whirlwind of activity and emotions. I am truly wiped out but wanted to put some of my thoughts in writing.

Yesterday we took a road trip to PEI to visit Dean’s grandparents. We went with thoughts of dread and didn’t really want to make the trip. Long story short is they didn’t go to our wedding and we have been holding a grudge. At first our visit was somewhat awkward. We didn’t have alot to say and we are so very different I didn’t even know what to begin a conversation about. But after a while we had a good conversations going. His grandmother started showing me things that she was making (she is a great quilter) and even gave me a table runner she made. We also took a trip to see Deans great aunt and uncle. We stayed for supper, even though we hadn’t planed on it and truly enjoyed out time. Honestly when it was time to leave I was almost sad. None of my remaining grandparents are really “grandparenty”. Dean’s grandparents are your stereotypical grandparents. I could never go for a walk with my grandparents around their gardens, they could never cook for me, and I will never be getting something they make. My grandparents are all unwell, weather it be mentally or physically and I’ve realized that we were missing out on a good relationship with Deans only set of grandparents. While we won’t be able to visit them often we will be able to every few months and I think I will make that effort. Not only did I actually enjoy my time with them, but PEI has alot to offer that I have never really explored.

The weekend weather was beautiful and we spent alot of it outside, I even got a little sun burn. I wish that we could have more sun, but we all need a little rain once in a while, and I would rather it be on days that I work, which looks like it will be this week. One thing I wish I could do was get out and be more active in the sun. I really want to get my bike out, but for some reason I am nervous about looking dumb or not being able to do it. I know I should just do it, but it is hard for me to not feel like I will be laughed at or something. These are the games my mind plays… stupid mind games.

I have been taking a class through work and had to work on the final (and only) assignment today. I have found the class challenging to find time for outside of it. While it hasn’t been difficult I have learned that I don’t miss school at all. I have often thought about going back to school one day, but this class alone has shown that I may not have it in me. I do not have the desire to work full time and study and I think people who dedicate themselves to taking a classes while working must have a lot of discipline.

Wow that turned out to be alot in my head. Stay tuned for a post on Rhubarb!

Eating Emotions

2011-06-04T09:25:00.001-03:00

Well everything was going well. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were really good days. Then came Wednesday night when I found out a co-worker of mine passes away. This was a young woman (mid forties?) with two children under 20. Ugh, so not cool. I work in a big organization but when we lose someone in our department it shakes the whole place.

So Thursday came and I did pretty good at work. We were all upset but it was ok. Then I came home. I have made Thursdays my “rest day” and don’t usually head to the gym after work and we go grocery shopping in the evening. Well no more of that! I came home and ate my days worth of calories on junk. And the whole time I did it I knew I was eating due to stress/grief/anger. It was all emotional eating. I was so mad at myself and feeling so gross from eating so much. I know it’s a good thing that I recognized this. But I never know how to stop it. It’s like my body takes over and my mind is screaming not to go back to the cookie jar but I see myself doing it! Not really sure how to deal with that.

The unfortunate thing is that although it didn’t flow into Friday we did go out for supper. This is another problem for us. We tend to go out too often. I know this and not only is it unhealthy but it is a waste of money! So we have decided not to eat out until Dean’s birthday in July. That being said we know we will be when we go to PEI next weekend but that is it!

How Do you Deal with Emotional Eating??

Body Image

2011-05-31T20:31:00.001-03:00

Well I feel alot better than yesterday. I was off today for a Doctor’s appointment (have to get more blood work!) and the sun was shining! Being alone with my thoughts really helped. Plus eating is so much easier at home than at work. There are so many less temptations, and I know that is part of my problem and has been for a long time. Went to the trainer and did a great workout. I am really feeling good about my physical strength and I am very happy that I have received comments from my trainer in the past week like “you really look like an athlete doing that” and “that is the most you have pushed yourself since we started”.

I got some great support after my post yesterday. Something really hit home with me and has really been making me think. Tracy had this to say:

Lastly, I don't know how much you want to lose-but when I met you-you didn't look overweight to me at all. So, could the other possibility be that you don't have much to lose, so it's slower for it to come off?

I really am think about that. We all know that the gym is full of mirrors right? Well in my gym when I walk into the locker room I walk right into a mirror. When I look in that mirror I am happy with what I see face on, but then I turn. I don’t like my profile. And mostly my stomach. But will losing weight change that? I don’t know. Maybe I need to stop focusing on my weight. I am stronger than I was 3 months ago, I have more energy, I deal with my stress better. I do see alot of benefits and have no desire to stop my activity. Dean has suggested that I put the scale away for a while and just do what I am doing. It is making a difference!

What are your thoughts on body image and weight?

Why I always quit.

2011-05-30T20:45:00.001-03:00

Well here it comes again. The desire to say F*** it and quit this stupid tracking food crap and counting calories. I know it works, I am seeing it work for alot of people. But it is not working for me! I have not lost anything since I started tracking. Now it could be that I am building muscle, it could be that I am losing inches. But in all honesty I don’t believe it. Sure I am stronger and I feel better physically. But mentally I have seen very little success so therefore feel like I have not accomplished anything.

The real problem lies in the fact that I become obsessed with food. I want to eat and then I do but then I feel bad. I over eat and then beat myself up over it all day long, even though I am still within my calories. I get hungry around 8:00 and want a snack, knowing that I shouldn’t. I want to give up and just say screw it for the night.

This is not a new struggle, it’s a constant struggle. I cannot find that balance between knowing what to eat and having to think about everything I eat. I cannot find that inner voice that turns food down. I just get so frustrated with everything about tracking and counting. Part of me always just thinks if I exercise I will lose the weight. Clearly that isn’t happening, but my mind still thinks it. I am just at the point where I don’t feel like I can do this for the rest of my life. Which I know I will need to do, at least somewhat,

So what will I do… I’m not really sure, but at least I have gotten my feelings out.

Wonder Weekend

2011-05-29T17:21:00.001-03:00

Wow what a great weekend it’s been so far! The sun is out and I feel good about the oncoming week.

Yesterday I cleaned the house and relaxed for a bit. Then it was off to the trainer. I think it is safe to say I have entered the cardio zone of my time with him. I was moving across the gym constantly and was pretty sweaty and gross by the end, but it felt so good, and I am not sore today which I truly thought I would be.

I got a lovely surprise after coming home from the gym. Dean was home! He is never off that early on a Saturday, even though I always hope for it. So we headed out and did some shopping… alot of shopping actually. First up was to go and try to find a picture for our bedroom wall. I want a beach or ocean scene but we didn’t find one, what we did find was this; “Always Kiss me Goodnight”

While it will go in the bedroom it won’t be going where I was looking for a picture.

We also found these: These will be going downstairs in our rec room.

We then headed to Costco to pick up a few things. We got some great Contigo water bottles and travel mugs, plus I picked up another pair of Tuff Athletics capri pants. I am in love with there yoga pants/capri’s and the X-lg are not starting to fall down when I run!

Last but not least we hit up a garden center and I bought some plants to tidy up my gardens. I am not much of a green thumb but have some ideas of what I want to do. I planted them today and will wait until things are in bloom to show you all. Other than gardening today we also hit up the gym and enjoyed some time on the deck. Dean is making steak on the BBQ and I see a walk after supper in the works. I am so motivated right now that I almost forgot to tell you all that I gained in my weigh in this morning. But I am moving on and up (down?) this week with a crackdown on my habits.

Until next time!

I Can Fly… Or Die

2011-05-27T21:33:00.001-03:00

Well I am actually going to work backwards from this evening to Tuesday. I have wanted to talk about Tuesday’s training session since it happened but just haven't got the time/motivation to sit down and write. So I am watching WWE and looking at my favourite man Randy Orton. I realize how bad WWE can be at times, but the man candy is fun and it makes hubby happy that I watch it with him!

Tonight we went to Salty’s tonight, were I had my most favourite dessert ever! Blueberry grunt! I love it and it was well worth the calories and money! We have however been eating out alot lately. We really need to stop that and I really need to get my eating back in order. It’s been hard for me this week. I have a really hard time balancing all or nothing. We went to the gym tonight after going out to eat and really I don’t know how but I managed to compete week 2 run 3 of my 5K running program. However now my knees and hips are absolutely killing me and I am dreading the trainer tomorrow.

Yesterday I was on a course all day and over ate due to there being Dairy Queen Sundays!! Who excepted that in the afternoon break! The course was on team work and productivity and was pretty interesting. However like most courses I take I am very excited and have all these ideas when I leave and then I get back to work, or reality as it is, and things go back to normal… ugh work, another post entirely.

Wednesday we hit the gym, I tried a new piece of equipment they put in recently and I didn’t not like it. My hips felt like they were going to give out and I couldn’t find a comfortable pace/position. I was glad to have gotten out and did it though. I also listened to my first Podcast. Lynn had mentioned them a while ago and I went and looked up a few. I don’t know if I could listen to them running yet but for all other cardio and walking I think it will be a nice change of pace from time to time.

So now we have gotten to Tuesday where I learned to fly… or so it seemed. I was jumping all over the gym for my workout with Jon. And by jumping I literally mean jumping. My routine went something like this:

Kettle Throws (20lbs) followed by lateral jumps (jumping across a rope latter and back). 15 reps, 3 sets
Frog Jumps (jumping as far forward as I can) down the gym floor, followed by walking lunges back. 3 sets
I was then put on the treadmill and walked for walking 2.5 minuets then I ran for 2.5 minuets. This was the first time I ran with my trainer and he was actually pretty impressed.
I then did a super set of ladder hops (jumping twice in each ladder square) followed by bench jumps (jumping over the bench), (20). Then did 15 boat curls (ab exercise). 3 sets.
I then did 15 crunches followed by a plank. I managed to hold the plank for 40 seconds which is pretty good for me, especially following everything I had just done. 2 sets.

I was pretty nervous with all the jumping. I am far from graceful and honestly thought I would fall. But in reality I didn’t even almost fall once. I guess I am more graceful than I thought I was. I guess maybe I need to learn to trust my trainer and that he isn’t asking me to do things he doesn't think I can do! Off to another session tomorrow!

Victoria Day!

2011-05-23T21:10:00.001-03:00

When last I blogged I was having a really bad day. I am very happy to report that I feel alot better. Friday I was thinking about taking a break off from the gym and just being as active in life as I could be. I was missing my Mom and I was feeling really down.

Well Friday evening while Dean was working late I somehow got my butt off the couch and went to the gym. I am doing a 5K training program and did 25 minuets of 3:2 intervals. I felt great afterword's and my mood sky rocketed.

Saturday I had another pretty good day. I went to my training session and I drank enough water to float away. My training session was comprised of the following;

Rowing 500M, Jon tells me I am getting better and faster at this but it still feels like torture.
A “push/pull” with 25 lbs., both sides, followed by bench burpies. 15 reps 2 sets.
Squats holding a 9lb body bar above my head, followed by abs with medicine ball. Again 15 reps 2 sets
Went on the treadmill until my heart rate was 165 then held for 5 minuets.
Super set of Arm Raises front (5lb) and side (3lb), followed by Hip Raises and elbow to knee crunches. 10 arm reps followed by 15 reps of the other two and 3 sets!

Needless to say I was a big sweaty mess by the time it was over and could not wait to get home and shower. Also Amy posted this. While it made me cry, it also made me feel hopeful that someday I can tell some one I have been that long without my mom and I am doing ok. Saturday we also made a trip to Dairy queen where I indulged a little with a sunday.

Yesterday was weigh day where I had an unexpected loss. I am now in the 170’s! I was very excited, but a little confused since I over ate more than I had in previous weeks but had a bigger loss than I’ve had in a long time. I am now wondering if maybe I am not eating enough due to all my exercise and training? Maybe I will experiment and see what happens. We also made a trip to Pete’s yesterday but didn’t find anything too exciting. We also had a good workout at the gym. The evening was spent having a nice supper out and a few glasses of wine at home. I was very relaxed.

Today we spent cleaning and enjoying the sun (the weather doesn't look good until next weekend again). We spent time mowing the lawn and walking around the neighbourhood. I spent some time with my aunt and apparently got sunburnt! I am currently very content and going into my week with a good attitude and the plan to keep active and eat well!

Just Maybe.

2011-05-20T12:22:00.001-03:00

Well TGIF! This week has been hellish, and for not real reason at all. I have been fighting a sore throat now for 2 weeks. It could just be weather related but it’s very annoying and has been dragging me down. Plus I have been super sleepy. I cannot pin down why, I have been sleeping well, and taking my iron and B12 so I don’t think that would be it. The only think I can think of is that my emotions have been all over the place and that might have something to do with it.

I miss my Mom. This week has been really bad. I do very well at work and around people, but when it is just me or me and hubby I get very sad and have cried alot this week. I know this will all take time and I know it’s to be excepted but I don’t want to be sad. Dean doesn't know how to help me and I don’t know what to tell him. All I want to be able to do is pick up the phone and chat with her. We have had alot going on in our life and I want to share it with her. I talk to my Dad but he’s not a big talker and so making conversation is hard even with all the good things going on.

This week gets topped off by the fact that I hurt myself pretty badly at the trainer on Tuesday. It’s almost healed today but Wednesday and Thursday I could barely get up the stairs. This has led to little or no exercise in the past two days. I want to get out and do something, but finding the energy is hard. I know I will feel better once doing it but it’s been so hard for me to get out and do it. I fear my strength is slipping and that I will give up. But I don’t want to give up! I have tracked everything this week, even though it wasn’t the best week food wise. I will likely see a gain on the scale and I am ok and have already come to terms with that. I just don’t know how to pick up and get going again!

My thoughts are telling me to take the weekend “off” and for the most part I mean “exercise”. I am in the habit of tracking now and I have learned to accept it if I go into the red. But maybe I need some time away from the gym and just try to do things naturally instead of forcing activity. The lawn needs to be mowed and the house cleaned. We plan on going out to my parents house to do some things. Maybe we can just include activity into our weekend with out it being we “have to” do something.

Just Maybe…

A Day in the Life

2011-05-18T21:07:00.001-03:00

Well every Tuesday and Saturday I grumble about going to my personal training session. And to be honest every Saturday I think about calling and cancelling. However with encouragement from my hubby and the fact that I know how good I feel after I suck it up and go.

So yesterday I grumbled and groaned. I was running late and I still ended up at the gym waiting for my Trainer. I have never done the same routine twice with him, which is good because it always keeps me on my toes. Usually I can’t remember what I did or at least all of it. However yesterday I did remember and I wrote it down so I could share it all with you.

When I first get to the gym I always hop on the Elliptical for at least 10 minuets. Jon (my trainer) meets me while I am on the Elliptical and away we go. Yesterday this is what I did;

15 side lunges, with 10lb weights in each arm, on each leg. Followed by 15 leg lifts and then 3 side leg lifts on each side. Repeat x3.
15 Lunges on Bosu (the half ball) on each leg. Followed by what I call side pulls, which work you side abs, with 20lbs of weights, on each side. Repeat x2
Bench pushes (oh yes the benches you sit on when you do a bench press) across the gym floor and back. Followed by 20 crunches on the ball. Repeat x3.
15 Triceps pulls (15lbs), followed by 15 bicep curls (20lbs). Repeat x2.

Then he tells me to go do cardio! I am poor at that part after already being at the gym for at least an hour. I stretch a bit in the change room then head home where I make a protein shake with powder and milk. Later in the day I have a hot shower and stretch again in the shower.

I am actually glad I remembered this workout because today I am almost as sore as I was after the first session I had with Jon. So there you have it, the hour flies by and there is always at least 500 calories burned!

It’s back!

2011-05-16T21:05:00.001-03:00

My motivation has found it’s way back to my mind. I am so glad that it is back. I felt some of it Saturday after my training session. It feels so good to be lifting weights and being strong and doing things I wouldn’t think I could do. Even though I was feeling really crappy on Saturday I went and did it and felt alot better. I also really focused on eating the 4 food groups and drinking lots of water. I felt so much better even after one good meal.

Then Sunday I just had an overall good day with hubby. We walked early in the morning and just spent the day together it was very mentally relaxing and helped get me ready for the week. I also kept my eating in check which is sometimes hard for me to do.

But I really rediscovered my motivation today at the gym. About 2 months ago I bought some yoga pants from Costco. Size XL. Today at the gym while running on the treadmill they were falling down! While this suck in the sense that I will have to go buy new work out clothes it is a definitely motivator for me. It is one of those signals I have been looking for. Plus today I ate well at work, another thing that for me is very hard.

Well I am looking forward to the rest of the week, and I have a four day weekend this weekend which is very exciting! Plans include personal training, cleaning, a trip to value village and possible re-organizing the shed to include out camping gear.

Hope everyone has a fantastic week!

Holly’s Hobbies

2011-05-15T10:36:00.001-03:00

Happy Sunday!

Hope everyone has had a good weekend. Mine has been pretty good, I just wish the sun would come out for a bit!

Does anyone remember this from December?

I have been cross-stitching for a while now, I had at one point started a blog for that alone but felt I didn’t make enough progress to keep up with it, But I might start it up again just for my own sake. Anyway here is what it looks like now; you can actually tell what it is suppose to be!

I love seeing things come together. This has been what I have been doing while watching TV. We have Netflix and are enjoying it immensely. We have watched many movies and alot of TV shows.

Another great hobby of mine is reading. I am currently reading a book from the Harry Potter series, and also read alot of Stephen King. I was at one point doing book reviews which I want to start up again next time I read a stand alone book (I read alot of series).

And the last hobby I want to mention is my video games. I am not into them as much as I was in the past but still love to sit down and play a good RPG, and Dean and I love playing the Lego games. We are currently playing Lego Star Wars and it is a hoot! It is fun quality time spent working on something together rather than staring at the TV and him reading and me Cross-stitching.

So stay tuned for some book reviews and cross-stitching progress updates. What are some of your hobbies?

Where did it go?

2011-05-13T16:12:00.001-03:00

You know that great feeling of control and power that you get when you are eating well and exercising? The motivation that we all get when we are into the groove and doing well? Or what about the feeling of success when we say no to that chocolate, or hit the gym even though we are falling asleep standing up? Well all that has gone missing for me.

I have not tracked anything since yesterday at lunch… and my choices have not been the best. I did not go to the gym yesterday and will not be going today. This is how it always starts. No matter how motivated I feel it eventually just goes away. I could probably come up with thousands of triggers for why my motivation has decided to up and leave, but the truth is it boils down to two things. 1) I am not seeing the weight loss or seeing the inches go away. 2) I am starting to feel like doing this doesn't matter.

No this is not meant to be a pity post. I know I am in control of this. I know that I need to nip it in the butt now. I am not giving up, I am simply struggling. I am hoping that by blogging about this I will wake up tomorrow morning back on track. Also I still have my personal training and I will not just throw away the money I spent on me.

However that being said I still feel like I am stuck. I haven't lost weight, and sure I probably gained muscle, but I don’t feel like that matters. My clothes don’t fit any better, and sure I don’t jiggle in as many places before but I don’t feel like it matters. I feel as though I could work out until forever and nothing would change. I feel like I can eat bang on and nothing will change. I know that is not true and I know what is more important is that I am healthy and have energy and can function through the day. I know that the gym for me is a huge stress reliever and that if I didn’t have it I would probably be a mental mess.

I am just getting discouraged that I will probably have to count calories the rest of my life, that I will probably always have to go to the gym, which isn’t all bad, to keep my weight in control. I know this time is different just because of what I am writing now. I will not give up, I just don’t know how to re-motivate myself! I would love to have some sort of victory that would make me feel like this is all worth it again!

Personal Growth recap

2011-05-03T21:08:00.001-03:00

Wow it’s been almost six weeks since I started my personal training. Time really does go by fast. I was looking back and I realized my pictures really suck of my before. I am going to try and get some good ones this week. I still have a ways to go!

In the six weeks I have had some good and bad times at the gym. I have developed a pretty good relationship with my trainer and he really is learning how to push me and how I work. I have done some things I would have never thought possible and have hurt in places I didn’t even know I had.

I have been on My Fitness Pal for a month now and have tracked most of what I was eating. I don’t always make good choices but even when I fail I track what goes in and I feel very motivated to get to the gym when I am in the RED.

However given all that, and I do recognize it as success. I feel ripped off some how. I have not lost any weight and I don’t see any change in my body. I know I shouldn’t feel sorry for myself, and I actually don’t. I am just frustrated that I am putting alot of time and work into this and not feeling much progress. And really that is a lie too because I am feeling better I am managing my emotions very well and my stress level is lower. for a while I had more energy, but that has laxed the past 2 weeks.

Over all I am doing well, I just feel that if I don’t see some progress in lost weight or looser clothes I will get upset and start giving up!

A week in Review

2011-04-24T13:53:00.001-03:00

Wow, I am so bad at sitting down and getting my feelings/thought out on this blog! I am going to try to make a effort to blog more often in an effort to get my thoughts out. My head has been very full lately and I have lost alot of concentration. This scares me because when I am at work I really need to focus on work and stay on track. So my week was not the greatest at first but had rounded up to end quite nicely.

Monday we went for a very nice walk in Shubie Park, which is literally just down the road from us. I plan to do some biking there this summer as well and it is a great place for and evening stroll. I wish I had of brought my camera but I will certainty next time. But I digress. So we went for a lovely walk and then ended up going and buying Chocolate Fudge Cake! It sure was yummy, but either my hormones were still bothering me of the sugar rush got the best of me but when it was time to go to bed I broke down into Hysterics! Poor Dean didn’t know what to do other than hold me and I did manage to settle down and get some sleep.

Tuesday I just knew I couldn’t go to work. I knew I would not be able to concentrate and tolerate people so I stayed home. I lazed around most of the day but did manage to get myself to the gym. The time I spent on the elliptical was torture. I was so incredibly exhausted after words I slept like a baby.

Wednesday I was feeling better but ate like it was going out of style. Again hormones or something else I don’t know but it was not a good situation. I did go to the gym but it didn’t really help much. Thursday was grocery day and while I was within my calories I was no where near where I wanted to be in catching up with my overage.

Friday oh Good Friday, it was sooo nice to be off and I spend the day cleaning, raking leaves in the yard and spent an hour at the gym. The cat must have enjoyed the smell of outside that was left on my sneakers because he made himself busy for a good 15 minuets rubbing and rolling around with my shoe! I felt so good and so in control all day. We treated ourselves to supper out at Jack Astor’s which was nice for a change. That night my Dad was flying in for the week to spend at home. This will be his last flight home because next time he will be driving home for good! It made for a late night but it was so good to see him. I am sure the anxiety of knowing he was coming home was part of what was making this week difficult for me. I hope now that he is here and I know he is well that I can stay focused.

Yesterday I drove Dad back to the house, we stopped and got grocery's for him and picked up the family dog who is staying with my aunt until Dad is home for good. Once I got back home I really didn’t feel like doing much and just slept and read on the couch. I was able to finish my Book (review to come). When Dean got home I had a major desire for fast food, so we got McDonalds, not the best meal but I enjoyed it and not I am not craving it.

The past week had many challenges in it. I didn’t have my appointments with my trainer Jon because he had a course to attend Tuesday and I didn’t know what time I would be available Saturday. I did try to reschedule to Friday but because it was a holiday he wasn’t allowed to work (heaven forbid he make some extra money while making me healthier). Also the anxiety of Dad coming home was on my mind most of the week. I wasn’t sure how he would look or how he would act. He seems to be grieving about the same as me, which seems normal for us. Also my Aunt is not dealing well. She has been put on meds to help and will be seeing a psychologist for a while. I do hope that it helps. And to top it all off yesterday I found out my Grandfather wasn’t doing too well, he’s had a fall and appears to be having symptoms of liver failure.

However this is a new week so I plan to make the most of it! I have finally gotten some ideas for posts written down so stay tuned!

More Random thoughts.

2011-04-18T18:42:00.001-03:00

I always get these great ideas to blog about and then either forget about them or the moment has passed and they don’t seem as important. I know alot of this is probably due to an inconsistent routine. I have a routine that is pretty straight forward but at the same time it seems to change alot. I have had Monday off everyday this month and I will hate going back to work on Mondays after next week. We seem to be doing different things in the evenings and I don’t really find there is a consistent time to blog. I usually come up with great things to write about in the shower and then don’t get them out after that.

I am happy to say that I finally managed to get myself to a twitter/blogger brunch. I had a blast meeting girls that I “talk” to alot and it was nice to put faces to names. I had a great time and it was great to get out and socialize with someone other than my wonderful husband. I talk with the people at work alot, but it was nice to be out of the work place and the home. My husband is my best friend and that won’t change but I was so happy to get out and enjoy some girl time.

I over indulged yesterday, but I have plans to burn most of that off. I need to burn off over 700 calories but I think I will be able to do it if I get some activity in everyday. It is nice to treat myself once a week so that I don’t feel as tempted throughout the week.

I made butterscotch chip cookies yesterday and they turned out fantastic. I am really enjoying baking lately can’t wait to dive into the cupboard next weekend to see what I can make! I just need to get better at blogging about it!

Well that’s it for my Monday rambling. Back to work tomorrow and have to stay on track!

Random Thoughts

2011-04-13T21:28:00.001-03:00

Wow time flies by so quickly. I just have a few random things to get out there. And a tasty meal that will be added to Dean’s Dishes.

1. Are you my friend on My Fitness Pal? My username is hrclark I am tracking my food and even went back and tracked my horrible eats from Sunday. I am proud to say that due to the exercise I am on my way to creating a deficit!

2. I am not on My Fitness Pal to lose weight. My trainer while knowing I want to lose weight wants me to eat alot. I need alot of protein and my Iron and Vitamin B12 are also important. Therefore I am tracking to be aware of what I am eating and to attempt and get in all my protein and other supplements. While I will be stepping on the scale once a week I do not except to see significant losses due to the muscle I know I am building.

3. After my mother passed away (it’s been over a month now, holy cow) my father went back to finish his work contract. He will be coming home in the summer for good. However because the house was going to be closed up for a bit I agreed to take our families cat. Her name is Rosie and she is at least 12 years old. We have also decided that even when Dad comes home we will not be putting Rosie though the trauma of moving again. She is finally playing with our kitty and roam the house.

4. I am doing well with the loss of my mother. And honestly I feel like I owe alot of it to exercise. I am starting to crave it and am excited to see how many calories I burn. I am doing a walk to 5K program and plan to start a couch to 5K program after that. Along with working with my trainer I am excited to see what happens! The only thing I am having difficulty with is my dreams… I am having dreams where Mom is with me but will not talk to me, she just follows me around… Weird right?

5. And last but certainty not least; Tonight we made a recipe from the Kraft Magazine. Pork, Snow pea and Mushroom Stir-fry. Here is the magazine picture compared to Dean’s creation (there were a few modifications);

It didn’t look the same but it tasted good!

Well I am off to bad and getting ready for another day of healthy choices!

Went to the Market…

2011-04-10T13:46:00.001-03:00

Wow what a beautiful day here today! I woke up to the cat being a pain in the a$$. But it was about 7:00 and the sun was shining through the windows! I had the idea then that I wanted to go to Seaport Halifax Market. I had never been there and was excited to go. But before heading out I made another great protein smoothie. In this one was spinach frozen strawberries, some yogurt, milk and protein powder. It was great and light enough to head to the gym right after. Yep we went to the gym first thing this morning. I ran/walked 2 miles and burned almost 400 calories. Then it was over to the market.

My honest opinion was not that great. I excepted to see lots of tables with fresh produce, meat, and baked goods. Instead I saw one table with fresh produce, one with bread and a few with meat. Most of the tables were jewellery and paintings or hot food to eat right away. Now I am not saying that some of that is a bad thing, but I was hoping for more. I really just wasn’t impressed. Now it may have been that because it was Sunday all the vendors weren’t there but I just excepted more.

After our walk through of the market we decided to walk the Halifax Waterfront. It was lovely with very little wind. By the time we got to the other end of the boardwalk we were both ready for lunch. We decided on The Old Triangle. It is one of my favourite pubs and because we don’t go downtown alot we don’t get there. I got my usual meal from there;

Pub Style Curry and Chips Chicken curry served the Irish way, over chips with home-cooked mushy peas.

I really wish I had of brought my camera. It was so nice and sunny and there were people walking and kids playing. I was in heaven! We walked for at least an hour at a leisurely pace.

I am happy we got out and did something a little different today, I find the spring/summer is so much more enjoyable to me. I feel so much more motivated to get out and do things!

The rest of the day includes relaxing with my book and salmon for supper! Might take a trip to the mall or something but I just want to relax now!

Want to be my pal?

2011-04-09T11:56:00.001-03:00

My fitness pal that is?? Twitter has been all a flutter with alot of girls starting to use My Fitness Pal. I have scoped it out and feel like it might be a good source for managing my food intake.

Confession: For the past week and a half I have been eating Tim Horton’s Doughnut almost every morning.

Confession #2: At work pretty much everyday for the last week and a half I have been eating a bag of chips and a chocolate bar.

Ugh, I know, I know I am horrible. I had been thinking earlier in the week I was fighting a cold. Now I realize that I was probably feeling like crap due to my poor food intake. I feel so blah and I know I did it too myself!

So like I said; I have got MyFitnessPal set up and will be stepping on the scale first thing tomorrow morning. So if you wanna be my pal my user name is hrclark.

Plans for this weekend include tracking all my food, going for a walk with hubby, house cleaning as usual, and probably chill out and watch some movies! Hope to see you in my fitness pal feed!

Exhaustion

2011-04-06T18:23:00.001-03:00

The past couple of days I have been super busy and feeling under the weather. All I have wanted to do was come home and nap!

I nap alot. Well not as much since starting back at the gym again, but still alot. At first I had lots of excuses. I had anima, I woke up at 445 in the morning, I was lazy… It really does drive Dean nuts (which is why I put a picture of him napping up, lol). It used to bother me too because I felt like I would sleep the day away.

Now I am not napping as much. I am sure this is a good thing but I would love to just close my eyes and sleep for a bit. I often feel so much better after a nap! My problem is though that as tired as I am I have no other immediate pick me ups! I am not a coffee drinker and don’t really know of any other way to wake myself up.

Anyone have any solutions for exhaustion? Do you find you get sleepy mid week and need a nap?

I must admit though I am having a better attitude and over all well being since going to the gym and starting with my trainer!

Exercise… Check, Food…

2011-04-03T17:51:00.001-03:00

Wow its Sunday again already. I am blessed at having tomorrow off though, and the next 3 Mondays after that. It really is crazy how fast time goes by. I am proud to say that I survived another training session with my Trainer. I am sore again today but I am able to walk up steps and actually move so it is getting better.

I have my exercise down to a good routine for the most part. I even went Friday after doing 4 hours overtime because I didn’t get there Wednesday or Thursday. We also went today and plan to go tomorrow. Tomorrow I will show Dean some of the things I have been doing with the trainer!

I finally did settle on a protein powder. I got one at Costco because it was recommended to me by more than one person. It is Kaizen 100% Whey protein. I choose the decadent chocolate flavour. I had it with just milk yesterday following my session and it kind of just tasted like water. However today I put it in a smoothie with berries and spinach and you could definitely taste the chocolate. So far I like it!

However my eating overall has not been great. I know this is my next challenge but I don’t know how I want to go about it. I don’t really want to restrict my calories too much, I am not worried about my calories, more about what I am putting in my body. We don’t eat alot of processed food at home. But there are more instances than I would prefer that involve us not eating at home and getting fast food or going out to supper. I really want to put a stop to that but with the lifestyle we lead its hard.

I also need to work on getting more fruits and vegetables into my body. I will often bring them to work and then not eat them. I am really about convenience and if the food needs to be cut or peels I often won’t eat it. I am working on it though and I hope that as my body starts to feel better I will want to feed it with better food. I have the desire I just don’t feel I have the strong motivation yet.

Wordless Wednesday–RIP Mom

2011-03-30T16:01:00.001-03:00

Well almost… My mother died suddenly March 6 2011, my wonderful husband said some wonderful words about her at the funeral. Here is what he said:

Family and friends welcome, my name is Dean Anderson; I am Debbie’s son-in-law, husband to Debbe’s only daughter Holly. I am here today to share some words in memory of Debbe.

As some of you may know, Holly and I lived with Debbe for a year and a half. In that time I got to learn many of her eccentric qualities. She was a pack rat, with many different collections; she loved her elephants, as they never forgot. She also loved tea pots, butterflies’, lighthouses, and bajangles, which are sparkly hanging things. No matter how many collections she had she was always looking for a deal, buying her clothes at Value Village and her knickknacks at the dollar store.

Debbe absorbed all information, no matter how unimportant or useless. I remember Mike telling her he liked Black Tower wine, and from then on that was all she bought when he was coming home, even though it rarely got drank. I remember playing the Video Game Fallout 3, where after nuclear war bottle caps were the currency of the world, upon hearing this Debbe then proceeded to collect bottle caps in case of nuclear war.

When looking at pictures of Debbe, you can always pick her out. Her face never changed, just her hair style, and boy did she have a lot of hair styles. Debbe was a kind, good hearted person, who always had a smile on her face. She had a love for all things living. I’ve heard of her many pets, most of which have been named from The Lord of the Rings; Strider, Hobbit, and Pippen just to name a few. This has led Holly and me to name our pets after The Chronicles of Narnia.

Debbe was a free spirit, always speaking her mind and believed enjoying life to its fullest, whether it be partying with friends and family, or sitting on the deck in the sun. Debbe was very predictable, I remember her calling her father everyday at 9:00a, watching her “Silly Show” (Days of our Lives) at 2:00, and getting a phone call from Mike at 7:00pm.

I met Debbe before I met Mike, as he was in Ontario. Even before I met Mike, I knew that Debbe loved him and they must have shared a special bond living apart the way they did. I remember Debbe saying every time she visited him it was like a honeymoon.

Debbe and her sister Heather, although 9 years apart, where the best of sisters and became the best of friends, Debbe always referred to visiting Heather as travelling half way across the world, but was always excited to see her, her family, and her dogs. Debbe’s only Niece, Jennifer held a special place in her heart, and referring to herself as Aunt Da-Bee. Debbe was also very grateful for her Brother-in-law Kent, who would help out whenever asked.

I met only a handful Debbe’s Friends while living with her; Holly and I spent a night by the fire pit with her and Dar, had Brunch with Sue and Glenn after my wedding, and she went out often with her skating friend Lynda.

I remember Debbe Hosting Holly’s Bridal Shower with no running water, and the plumber digging a hole in the front yard, she still had a smile on her face and was calm, cool and collected about the whole situation, even though Holly was freaking out. I remember Debbe’s showing me her Horses Ass trophy, which she received for her Darts league placing last through the whole season, an accomplishment which she laughed about and was proud of.

When not living with Debbe every visit she would push food on me, whether it be, a baked good, or a full on meal. Debbe had little knowledge of the computer, so little that I received a phone call asking how to turn off the computer, I had to explain how to use the mouse to go to the lower left corner, click the windows symbol, move the mouse to the right until it is on shut down.

Debbe graduated from Vocational School with papers in Hotel, Motel, and Restaurant Management. When we went to my orientation with NSCC, we found her yearbook and she received a sticker stating she was an Alumni, she also was able to tell me which locker was hers and which classrooms she was often in. While Debbe was in school she had travelled to Banff, Alberta and worked at Banff Springs Hotel, an experience she talked of often.

Debbe also chaperoned a trip to Ottawa and Toronto with Holly’s Pathfinder troop. It was on this trip where she fell in love with Niagara Falls. Returning there with Mike for a short getaway, where they won at the casino.

Debbe worked at Sobeys as a cashier for many years, due to that she had developed many relationships, leading her to go to Sobeys every 2 or 3 days just to socialize; she often ended up buying discounted food which she never ate.

Debbe Loved a lot of things, her gardens among the most important, and her greatest garden was the one she cultivated between family and friends. Throughout the years she has weeded out the bad and kept the good, nurturing and growing each of us in our own way. I would like everyone to take a second and look around, this is “Debbe`s Garden”.

I would like to finish with reading this poem thanking Debbe for her greatest gift to me.

When you gave birth to your child

I wonder what you thought

As tears flowed down in joy that day

For the treasure God had wrought

As you looked into your baby’s eyes

And held her tiny hand

Did you know how thankful I would be

For the girl you made a woman

No girl grows into such a woman

Without a mother’s care

Teaching her and loving her

And always being there

And now I look into the eyes

Of the daughter you raised to be

A woman who stands above the crowd

And it`s your eyes that I see

Those steely eyes of strength and hope

And of character so rare

The eyes of love and faithfulness

And wisdom that you shared

I want to take this moment

And thank you for the one

That you shared, and let me love

Your daughter, Thank you Mother In-law

Miss you Mommy RIP

Protein

2011-03-29T20:24:00.001-03:00

OMG the pain I was in from my first training session was brutal. So after speaking to my trainer today at my second session he suggested I take a protein supplement to help re-build my muscles.

So the real question is what supplement to use? Just looking at places like Costco or GNC there are many to choose from. I want something that has about 30g of protein in it. Do I go with bars or a powder to mix?

The best thing about all this for me is that fact that I am really paying attention to things now. I want to exercise and when I was with my trainer I did everything he said. I am sure I will be in alot of pain tomorrow but when I left the gym today I felt good and my stressed out mood I was in when I entered the gym was gone.

One thing I am not doing great at is eating. I am trying to be good and trying to watch what is going into my body but I find it so hard. I want to eat well and I want to stay away from the junk food but I just find my body going and buying food without even realizing it until its in my body.

Wow that ended up being alot of random information, what it boils down to is;

How do you get your daily Protein and do you increase your intake when working out?

Personal Growth

2011-03-28T21:16:00.001-03:00

It is amazing what one event can do to change your life.

Dean and I joined the gym again, because I have decided I am worth it. I ~~need~~ have to take care of myself. However when we go to the gym and every time we have gone in the past I stick to the cardio machines. A new thing at my gym is to do a “personal health profile”. I signed up for this and I really learned alot about myself.

For example I am almost 40% body fat! That number hit home more than any number on any scale. I also learned that my heart rate is almost too high for my body. Also my knees and ankles are very weak and the trainer said she wouldn’t recommend I attempt any type of running until they get stronger.

So what this has all boiled down to was a major investment. The option of a personal trainer was very much encouraged. They would be able to make me comfortable with the other side of the gym (weights) and would walk me through the process and keep me dedicated. Now the major investment for me wasn’t time. I am ready to do this! It was money. Me and Dean really had to sit down and look at our situation and decide if it was worth it. For us it was. I need to get healthy and this is one of the best ways to do it.

So Saturday I had my first session. OMG. I am still sore today, 2 days later. I enjoyed my time there and I go back tomorrow for my second session. I am still not sure about my trainer but we will see how it goes and give him a shot. Here are the before pictures and I am excited to see what happens in a month or 3 months!

Can’t wait to see what happens in a month! I am worth this and need to do it!

Life Changes

2011-03-22T21:23:00.001-03:00

Wow it is really amazing how time goes by. I have been away for a while, and things in my life have changed. I am not really going to get into all of it in this post I’m going to divide them up as there is alot going on.

Overall I am where I was health wise before I started this whole adventure into blogging. Mentally I am wavering alot. Work life is pretty simple and my relationship with friends and family is pretty strong.

I don’t know what I want to accomplish from this blog right now. I also don’t know if I will keep posting or if I will let it go again. I just feel like I need to write publicly as well as privately to get my thoughts out and look for some more support.

The overall take home message right now is that I am doing well… better than I thought I would be given all the recent life changes I’ve experienced.

Holly

Inspiration

2011-01-25T17:18:00.001-04:00

Wow time flies. It’s been over a week since I last blogged. For me it has been a rough week, which is why I probably didn’t blog. I find if I don’t have anything nice to say I am best not saying anything at all. I had a self sabotaging week last week. I tracked until Friday but just didn’t make good choices and really let myself down. I am so close to the 170’s and I just can’t kick my ass out of the 180’s. Part of me thinks I am scared of being able to say I lost 10 lbs. Which I know is stupid but my brain just isn’t working right these days.

That is another reason I haven't blogged. I have spent too many evenings the past little while stressing over things and letting the smallest things get the best of me. I am considering going to my doctor to see what she can offer for help but at the same time I don’t want to be put on drugs if I don’t need them. I am really trying to focus on one issue at a time and just do what needs to be done without worrying.

It feels good to get some of that off my chest. I stepped on the scale this Sunday and saw a gain, but between TOM and my self indulging I wasn’t too bothered by it. I also had a huge success Sunday. We went out for brunch for my Grandmother and Cousins birthday. I ended up eating like 20 points for lunch! I was really pissed off at myself because I wanted to try so hard. But me and Dean changed our meals around and I ended up staying within my points! I was so proud of myself. Another thing for me to be proud of is that I haven't had junk food at work for the past 2 days. This is huge for me and has inspired me to continue. I only hope I am not jinxing myself.

Well off to have some supper and enjoy my evening with hubby.

I love days off!

2011-01-17T19:31:00.001-04:00

Wow I love days off, especially with my husband! One reason is I end up with breakfast that looks like this;

That is French Toast, with peanut butter and banana and and apple. It was soo good. So yesterday I had mentioned we were heading out to the health expo. To be honest I was a little disappointed. I found there was alot of things there that didn’t interest me in the slightest. Plus there was alot of people there which made it hard to talk to the vendors and get to the booths. I did manage to get some swag and fill out some ballots for things.

Did you know it is apparently the most depressing day of the year? Well it wasn’t for me. I had taken today off and we spent most of the morning cleaning. I love days off because I feel like I am in so much more control of my eating. Both Sunday and today I have gone over my Daily points but I don’t feel guilty about it because all my choices were good ones. I did go to the store and buy a chocolate bar or a bag of chips.

We went for a walk this evening, even though it was cold and I didn’t want to go, but that’s why my Husband is amazing. He knew that after eating our big chicken dinner we should go for a walk. This was the amazing bird we ate tonight with all the fixings!

It’s back to work tomorrow and I am going in with a good frame of mind right now. I only hope I can keep making good choices and not eating junk food. It is so tempting at work because it is so easy to get, weather I buy it myself or some one offers it to me!

I hope everyone is having a non-depressing day!

Another one down.

2011-01-16T09:06:00.001-04:00

Well another pound gone, another week over. I have been wanting to blog but haven’t been able to get what's in my head out in a way that makes sense. I can’t figure out why I want to lose weight, the only thing I can think of is that I have wanted to for so long and I keep “giving up” and I feel like I failed myself. I am not happy with my body some of the time and the rest of the time I am indifferent. I rarely have a day that I say “wow I feel hot” day, and those days I do once I see pictures I don’t think I look good.

So I am feeling good today. I am tracking again, not sure how much longer it will last. My online runs out in February and if I don’t feel motivated then I might cancel my subscription and take a break or count calories or something. In exciting news though we are heading to Optimyz today! I am excited to be doing something a little different for a change. I also have tomorrow off so I will be able to relax tonight and not feel like the house work didn’t get done.

Honesty

2011-01-12T20:19:00.001-04:00

I pride myself on being a very honest person. I speak my mind and say what I mean, I very rarely beat around the bush. Which is probably why when I am feeling crappy and having a bad day I don’t blog. I don’t like to sound negative and I don’t want pity, or hearing things that while might mean to sound supportive but only sound fake to me. (no offense intended, I say those things to others too).

The truth is I am really struggling with the question WHY?

Why am I trying to lose weight.
Why can’t I lose weight.
Why do I find it so hard to lose weight.

I am sure there are more questions that start with why by those are the three I find myself asking alot. You would think the first question would be easy. I am unhappy at my current weight. Which is true… some of the time. When I look at pictures of myself I am unhappy with my weight, but on a day to day basis I don’t feel “fat”. I have a husband who loves me no matter what and I work in a job where it is not necessary to look a certain way at all. So the next reason might be for myself… or because I know I am unhealthy, truth is although I am classified as “overweight/obese” I don’t feel that way. I look at other people and don’t feel different than them. It is a real struggle for me to continue on this journey of Weight Watchers and losing weight if I don’t have a strong sense of why I want to lose weight. And that right there answers the other two questions!

I really don’t know what I am looking for. I don’t know if I want to continue on this journey or not. I get so quilty when I eat something “bad” when I am on WW. I get so mad at myself because I know what I should be doing… so why am I know doing it??? I think all this information is up in my head somewhere but I am not being 100% honest with myself as to the whys of my life!

Pictures, and Results!

2011-01-09T13:18:00.002-04:00

Wow, it’s been a busy week. I’ve been meaning to blog the past few days but it’s just been crazy. Thursday we went out and I got a new slow cooker! I have been using my Grandmothers for years, it is literally older then me! I got a Hamilton Beach Slow Cooker. I used it for the first time yesterday and made the “Garlicky Chicken Stew” out of the newest WW cookbook. As with most recipes it was ok but there are definitely some things I can do to make it better next time!

Friday was spent getting groceries and relaxing on the couch. Yesterday I went to Value Village, with my mom. I scored a great pair of heeled boots and a few shirts. I really enjoy going to Value Village, when I am in the mood.

I also finished up working on my picture box. A few years ago for Christmas Dean gave me this awesome picture box. Well the plan we came up with was to put a whole year of pictures in it. So every January I print off pictures and put them in the box. I keep the ones I want in a separate folder all year. This year I printed them at Costco, it was so easy and pretty inexpensive. It takes some time to sort through them but I love doing it. I take the pictures from the following year and put them in a photo album, this way I am printing off my pictures, even if it’s once a year. Something that alot of people don’t do anymore due to digital pictures.

Today is snowy and the roads look to be a mess so I think we will be staying in and cleaning. Then we will probably put a movie and and relax. I weighed in this morning and was down a pound. While I know that is great I thought I would do better because I exercised more and followed my points. Oh well start again today with tracking everything and exercise. Should be some good points coming my way with the snow I will have to shovel. Hope everyone has a good week!

Routine

2011-01-05T20:51:00.001-04:00

What time do you wake up in the morning?

I get up at 5:25 in the morning, that is gross when you have to do it 5 days a week. But I have my routine so down pat that I am ready and out the door by 5:55. I shower in the evening and lay everything out before bed. I make my lunch the night before and have everything ready to go!

We also have a very good evening routine, we have supper, go for our walk and then relax until bed. Sometimes I think it’s boring and crappy but most days I like it.

Do you have a routine you like?

…

In other news we have walked everyday since Sunday! That is great for me, it’s cold and crappy out but we are still walking! Tonight I even wore snow pants, and my hat and my hood, but I was warm. Its also a great time for us to talk about all kinds of stuff, and just walk the day away.

Positive vs. Negative.

2011-01-04T16:46:00.001-04:00

Are you a positive thinker?

I used to be, and then something happened. I can’t really say what it was, I don’t really know. There are alot of things I could think about to associate with my lack of positivity. Truth is thinking about those things now doesn't help me feel better, only worse.

I hate to admit that I am a negative thinker, but I am. I think badly of people and am over critical. I usually see the negative side of things, my glass is half empty not half full and I am always thinking that I am going to fail. I need to change this, in a major way, so I am really trying to listen to my thoughts and if they are negative then try to turn them around. I can succeed and will!

---

In other news I wanted to share last nights supper with you. Dean was home yesterday and made an amazing meal, complete with garnish and everything. It really pays off being married to a chef!

So here we have Pork Tenderloin, Twice Baked Potato, Mashed Sweet Potato, and Sweet Potato Soup. It was deeelish!

Tomorrow’s hump day and I am excited that I am still doing so well and feeling well.

Back in the Game!

2011-01-03T17:00:00.001-04:00

Holly 2, Fail 0. I am back in the game. Both yesterday and today I have tracked everything I ate and exercised. I weighed in yesterday at 182.6. I changed my weigh in day to Sunday to make it easier for me. I am feeling really good right now!

My plan for now is to work out harder 3 evenings a week when I get home from work, we also plan on taking a 40 minuet walk every night we are not running errands (probably 4 – 5 nights a week). Once the spring hits I might start running, but for now I am using The Biggest Loser Ultimate Challenge for Kiniect, XBOX 360.

My only hope/goal is to see a decrease in the number 3/4 weeks (taking into account TOM). I know I can do this, I have been in the 170’s before with success, its getting past there that I will really have to crack down.

Hope everyone’s Monday went well, as it’s a first day back to work for many! I know mine did!

Welcome 2011 and New Resolutions

2011-01-01T09:47:00.001-04:00

Hope everyone had a happy and safe New Years Eve. As I said yesterday we are celebrating tonight when hubby gets home.

Becuase it is the first day of 2011 it’s only normal to have a few resolutions or goals for the new year. Lets review what I accomplished in 2010 first. My last years resolutions can be found here. The short list is;

be in our own house
budget and have a good savings plan
RUN the bluenose 5K
be healthy enough to have a baby.

Well I did pretty good.

We bought our first house and we are very happy in it. Being here after a few months we are seeing alot of the things we want to change, I was amazed at how easy the whole process was! Take my initial tour here.

We were able to get our house because we have a good budget and savings plan, I am very happy with our financial situation right now and we plan to continue with our budgeting and saving!

While I didn’t run the Bluenose this year I did run MOST of a 5K, posted here.

When it comes to a baby, my doctor says with taking my supplements and vitamins that my blood work is as good as it is going to get. So that is good. Me and Dean were talking about a baby a few days ago and have decided there are a few things we want to do/purchase before having a baby, so that is on hold for a while now.

So there was 2010, now moving on to 2011.

My main goal is to find myself. Which was the purpose of this blog back in October. For the most part this means being happy in my own skin, which will involved losing weight and becoming more active. I really don’t want to set myself up for failure and I think while this has been my goal for so long, I know it’s obtainable and I know I can do it if I just set my mind to it!

Hope everyone has a wonderful 2011, and accomplishes some of their dreams!

Friday Night In

2010-12-31T16:44:00.001-04:00

Happy New Years Eve, unfortunatly Dean is working tonight and tomorrow morning, so instead of ending the year with a bang, we will be starting the year with a bang. We plan to celebrate tomorrow, having a few drinks and watching movies!

The good thing about today is that it’s the first day since Monday that I am staying in. I am very excited. Here’s what my night will include;

My plans involve watching something chick flick like, reading and cross-stitching. I am reading the third book of The Dark Tower, by Stephen King. I am really enjoying them so far, it is a mix between fantasy and sci-fi. My cross-stitching is a very massive project, the biggest I have ever done. It is slow going but I am happy to see progress!

I might even have a drink or two while waiting for my hubby, but I doubt we will see the ball drop or any thing like that. I also have a feeling some cleaning might get done before settling in.

Happy New Year Every One!

Financial Feelings

2010-12-30T15:39:00.001-04:00

It’s finally a sunny day here today!

Just a few thoughts on money and budgeting today.

Hubby and I have been in our house now for 3 months, and I thought money was going to be a big strain. Truth is it isn’t as bad with a well worked out budget. When we first moved in it took about a month to get it all figured out, and now we have it down pat. We are even paying more into debt re-payment then needed if you follow Gail Vaz-Oxlade’s budget plan. Over all I am happy with the way things are going on the money front.

Next up is Christmas spending. Who spends too much at Christmas time? Everyone I am sure. Going into December we knew we had alot of events coming up (family and friends birthdays, my own birthday, Christmas parties and shopping ect.) We had decided to not pay as much into our debt for the month of December and even said if we had to use some credit that would be ok. Well when I budgeted the books on the 26th everything worked out, without going farther in debt! I think we are pretty awesome for that to happen! Now it has been hard getting back to following the budget but we are slowly getting there.

Do you budget, if you do do you follow it?

Working the Holidays.

2010-12-29T15:57:00.001-04:00

If you don’t know I am an RN. And not only that but I am also a CL (Clinical Leader). Which is basically a fancy name for charge nurse. It is the reason that I work Monday – Friday, 7 – 3 and never weekends, most holidays (unless I want) or evenings and nights. Pretty amazing job for an RN right?

Well yes, and no. I work in long-term care and most days love my job. I laugh almost every day and have made alot of good relationships. But lately it’s been getting to me. I have 33 residents (or patients) which also means 33 families to nurse. I am responsible 24/7, I carry a cell phone that could ring at any time, and while I might not need to go into work I can’t just ignore it either. I also have around 20 staff I am responsible for. This means discipline and mentoring, and over all making sure they do their jobs.

So there is the background for my job. The holidays at work are fun, we decorate our unit and play Christmas carols until we dream about them. We get loads of goodies and junk food, and have special functions both for the residents and the staff. We get the residents all dolled up and see many of them go home for a few days with their families if they are able.

It is also sad. Many families don’t come in, many families don’t even leave gifts. This leads to the residents being sad, and the staff being sad for the residents. It’s hard to be happy about that, and it makes you think of your family. Now that Christmas is over, things will be going back to normal, but for me in my role normal never really changes, things just get added on. Our routine stays the same weather it’s Christmas or not, my job is still there waiting for me when I get back. I may be lucky in some ways but to have the lives of 33 people on your hands 24/7 it’s hard and very tiring.

My job lately has been exhausting, while I love it I am aware that nurses have a high burnout rate, and if I don’t slow down I may very well become burnt out. I try very hard not to take work home with me, but some days it’s hard. Also for a nurse it is hard for me to lose weight. There is always food around, weather it is something a family brought in of a bag of chips a co-worker bought. I find that the most challenging of all!

How do you deal with work stress??

The Physical Damage

2010-12-28T15:53:00.001-04:00

Well good afternoon, I weighed in this morning to look at all the Christmas damage, in all I gained back 4.6lbs. It is more than I had wanted but I am done worrying about it and am back to tracking.

Speaking of, did you know that three little mini cupcakes is 10pts? Well you do know, and so do I, ugh problem is that all the Christmas goodies are still at work and it is hard for me to say NO!

I am feeling the strain of being full of sugar and junk though, I am sluggish and going up my stairs is a challenge at times. But I am really hoping to get out for a walk 5 nights a week and work out 3 afternoons a week. My ultimate goal is to get to the point were in the spring I can start running outside. I have thought about running alot, and even though it’s not my favourite thing, I don’t hate it, and it’s one of the cheapest things to do!

Well that’s about it for today, I just ~~hope~~ know I can stick with this and lose the weight.

Merry Christmas, Moving on.

2010-12-26T15:50:00.001-04:00

I hope everyone had a safe and happy Holiday. No snow here and honestly little holiday spirit to be had due to family events, but over all we did pretty good and have some money for the boxing day sales.

Moving on to other events. I will be weighing in tomorrow and am honestly terrified to see the results. However with that weigh in comes a new turn, back to counting, weighting and watching what goes in my mouth. I do plan to have a few treats on New Years and there is a possible dinner out in the mix, but I will get through the week and see a loss.

My mind is set on this once and for all. I was looking back at my resolutions for last year and although we are now in our house and have a good budget in place, I am not at all physically better than last year nor am I ready for a baby. We did talk about it last night and there are some things we want to accomplish and do before a baby comes into our lives. It is time to get out of my head and start acting instead of just thinking. My brain is always on overdrive and I over think everything, usually leading to not accomplishing what I wanted to do.

Mentally I am at a stand still and I really need to get past the negative thoughts and emotions I have been having and get back to the postive side of things. My life is good and really have nothing to complain about, but because of that I am comfortable in my body more than I should be. When I look at pictures I am horrified and next holiday season I want to be happy with what I see in the pictures!

I plan to start walking again this week and then getting into the other exercising after that.

So Close :(

2010-12-15T16:52:00.001-04:00

There was one thing I would have loved for my birthday. When I first re-started WW this time I said I would love to lose 10 lbs by my birthday (this coming Monday). As you can see on the side it did not officially happen. 0.2 freaking pounds away! Now Dean says it could still happen “unofficially” but based on the food I ate and plan to eat in the next few days I don’t think that will happen. Oh well such is life and at least it was a loss.

I fully except the scale to go in the opposite direction next week, but this will be the worst of the holiday season I think. You know it is the Christmas season at my work when the chocolate starts showing up. In fact we get so much at this time of year that we keep some put away so everyone can have some. Yesterday it was Quality Street, which is probably my absolute favourite! Today was my work’s annual luncheon where management serves everyone, so I had a full turkey dinner. Friday is out work Christmas party which is a buffet and oh so good! And finally Monday is my birthday dinner.

This time of year is very hard, and I so far have tracked everything I can remember eating. Even if I go over my points at least if I track it I will feel ok with it all. Next week I only have to worry about Christmas dinner and the junk that lays around work. All I know is that I can do this and I will do this.

The New Weightwatchers Plan

2010-12-11T13:18:00.001-04:00

Well alot of people have been commenting on the new PointsPlus plan, so I thought I would share my thoughts and feelings after being on it about a week.

First I gained one point, I went from 28 to 29 points a day, so that was not a huge change. For me it has always been a struggle to stay within my points on days I work. I am much hungrier and also pack more and have access to all the bad stuff. At home I usually do ok, and occasionally dip into the WAP’s for a glass of wine or plate of nachos. I have heard some people gained like 5 and 6 points from the new system, which must be great, I know it would be for me! Basically this hasn’t changed my eating in a way that I am now not going over or not being very careful with supper and after supper.

Second fruits are 0 points. Well ok, I was really excited about this at first. I don’t eat alot of fruit but I do eat enough that I thought it would make a difference. My husband couldn’t understand how they could make fruit 0 points due to the sugar in them, but while reading through the material we saw their “disclaimer” of sorts, saying that eating too many fruits and vegetable may slow down your weight loss efforts.

Thirdly everything else went up! While all fruits went down it seems everything else went up in points. I played around with the point tracker last night and found that the only thing that is still “good” is the fibre. So while calories don’t count against you as such anymore, everything else does. I find it very frustrating. My main example is Subway, while my sub I normally got was 7 points it is now 10! That’s a big jump. I have noticed for the most part things are jumping 2 points up in the difference. So overall I am at more of a deficit this way.

Forth, I am an online WW. I got to a point that I could guess pretty accurately what the points of products would be while I was out shopping, now not a clue, and from what I understand people that go to meetings are being told they have to buy a calculator. I do not agree with that at all and it makes it alot harder to go shopping and find good foods to buy. Also being an online member I had access to lots of restaurants and products in the tracker. Now most of these are gone, including Starbucks and Subway. This also makes it very hard to go out anywhere to eat!

Finally I am not in love with this new plan, it seems to me that they made it more difficult for people to eat anything but fruit and veggies, which makes it harder to pack lunches and in the end more costly, especially in the winter. Only time will tell if I am successful on this plan but it is hard for me to think positive about food right now when I feel everything is worse for me!

Of course these are my opinions and it is my choice to stay with the program or not, I am aware that some people probably love the new plan.

Shopping Week

2010-12-09T20:01:00.001-04:00

Wow we have done a bit of shopping this week! Our bank account is happy for all the action!

Tuesday after I had a bit of a voice back (yea it is mostly back!) we headed out shopping for clothes for the season. We hit up Moores for Dean. It was buy one get one free on designer suits so we ended up with two. It was a really good deal and we also got him two dress shirts and cufflinks! I am very proud of him because when I met him his suit size was a 40 and now it was a 38! His neck size has also changed alot too! Then we headed to MicMac and went dress shopping for me. I ended up finding one at Rickis. However we will have to wait for pictures of it. I also got a pair of shoes!

Then today I went Christmas shopping for Dean, I ended up getting most of my list for him with some money to spare. It wasn’t too bad out there this afternoon either.

Saturday is The Nutcracker and I am super excited for it, can’t wait!

Lost and Found

2010-12-07T09:02:00.001-04:00

Wow, I always have so many ideas I want to blog about, and then never get around to it. So I will warn you this may be a bit of a marathon post.

Well another week has gone by, and I am here at home sick :(.

First I am going to show you the pictures of the tree up and my village, we are finally in the Christmas spirit and it feels good!

My village set up on the Bar.

The Tree!

We got the tree at Costco and it’s perfect, might put it in the corner next year, we will see.

And since we are talking about the holidays I had my first holiday festivity this weekend. I participated in a cookie exchange! It was my first time undertaking a project like that and I must say I feel it was a success… Thanks to all the ladies who participated and to Tammie who hosted the event. That is a little sample of what was made, the rest is safely in the freezer for if/when we have guests.

So I mentioned I was home sick, well I totally lost my voice Saturday and it is just today slowly making its return. I went to an On-Call Doc yesterday and it’s just laryngitis, but because of my job, I am not able to work and not talk, I assume by tomorrow I will be able to work and have a relatively normal voice.

Talk about losses; I lost another 2 lbs! I really wasn’t excepting a loss based on all the junk I had eaten over the weekend but I was pleasantly surprised. Also as all WW’s know the new plan rolled out yesterday. I am feeling good about it, but kind of nervous at the same time. I won’t really be able to start activity again until the weekend but hopefully by then I will be feeling good and ready to tackle it all.

So there ya go, not to long I guess, this weekend we are going to see The Nutcracker, and I hope to get my shortbread baked and my Christmas shopping finished up. Have a good week!

Wow, is it real?

2010-12-01T16:04:00.001-04:00

Well for once I am blogging when I wanted too. Life seems to get in the way, even though there isn’t much going on.

So the Christmas decorating is done for another year. Our tree is very pretty and I feel rather festive. There will be pictures to come, just haven't got there yet.

I weighed in yesterday to see another loss on the scale! Now I can go get my eyebrows waxed as a goal reward. I have been looking forward to the 6th for a while now since it will see the new changes of the program. I feel mostly in control.

Yesterday food wise wasn’t great because Dean is sick and we both fell asleep leaving us to order something. I may have overdone it, but tracked and moved on. I would love to be out of the 180’s for my Birthday, but we will see.

I really need to start looking for something to wear, and Dean needs new dress clothes too. Christmas and this month are always super busy! We have 4 birthdays, plus the holidays, it is expensive and nutty!

A big shout out to Lynn and her Hubby who are celebrating their wedding anniversary today!

Well that is about it, I guess I kind of rambled alot, but my mind is very unorganized lately. If i don’t write things down I tend to forget them and I can’t even speak right lately…

Alot to catch up on!

2010-11-29T11:16:00.001-04:00

Wow it’s been over a week and I fully intended to blog since Tuesday. Last weekend we did indeed go to Pete’s where I found my all time favourite Christmas Tea! I had it for the first time last year and went searching and couldn’t find it anywhere, then over the summer realized that Pete’s sells the brand so I knew it would be there, and it was just as good as I remember it! Last weekend also involved our first snowfall and I did indeed bake more cookies!

Tuesday brought around a loss on the scale! And I have worked out/ walked pretty much everyday this week. I am enjoying my flex points but that is what they are for. I also see that new changes are on the horizon for the Weight Watchers program. They start next week so we will see what happens with them.

This weekend we finished up our Christmas shopping for the family, I baked mini brownie muffins (which went stright to the freezer), and we got out the Christmas decorations. We got a good start yesterday and will probably finish up this evening.

I weigh in tomorrow, and I am feeling really good about it, I am glad I re-joined WW because I now am feeling in control again which will no doubt help me through the holiday season!

A Quick Week Re-cap

2010-11-19T19:10:00.001-04:00

Well I can admit I am struggling with Weight Watchers. Through the week some Timbits, Cheesies, and Pizza have shown up in the mix. Although I have tracked them and moved on it is still hard at the end of the work day and I have 5 PTS or less to work with for supper. I am horrible at controlling my eating at work, I have known this for a long time. Another issue is that being a nurse everything is usually about food. The girls often bring in goodies and there is usually a bag of chips or box of choclates. It sucks!

I can predict that I will eat better over the weekend while I am off, however I will indulge in some wine I think! It is so much easier for me to eat at home, I don’t become as hungry and I have more choices. Packing food for work is hard and I tend to eat it all if I bring it, so it is hard for me to have options!

I have also notices some things about weight watchers online that I don’t like.

They don’t have alot of brand names in their database.
They don’t have alot of junk food in their database
Points seem more than calories!

I mean take today for example, we were looking for something for supper, we were looking at things that were about 300 calories per serving, which didn’t seem too bad, but when I do the math its 6 or 7 pts! Seems like alot when you do it that way. I don’t know I know there are changes coming to the program and I can only help things will change for the better!

Plans for the weekend include introducing activity back into my life (my ankle is feeling alot better), cleaning and hopefully a trip to Pete’s Frootique. I may also bake but we will see!

Welcome Back, hrclark!

2010-11-17T19:00:00.001-04:00

Well here we go, I have a huge confession of sorts, I am totally unsure how I feel and I hope writing it down can help me figure it out. Remember my Guilty little secrets post? When I said Part of my brain says “oh we won’t really crack down on weight loss until the 190’s” Well it happened. Last night me and Dean were talking things over, and really my mood is much better. The only thing that is holding me down in terms or self image and respect is my weight. So this is what I did;

Yep I joined Weight Watchers online… again. I weighed in and I was… are you ready for it… 190.0 lbs. I almost cried, I laughed, I think I may have been in shock. So I went through the process… sucky. Then Weight Watchers has this lovely little feature on there side that saves you past data and I happened to be a member of Weight Watchers in November of 2008. I weighed in at… Can anyone guess? Yep 190. So there you go, in two years I haven't lost any weight. Wow that really sucks. So my plan is to do this and make it work, I am not sure how yet, I don’t feel in control, in fact I am feeling totally out of control but hopefully in a few weeks I will feel that control again! I mean I have enough health problems, I am short of breath alot, I have low iron, low B12, low energy, I have joint pain, and while not all of this may be due to my weight, alot probably does!

Well that is it for me, hope everyone is having a good week.

Oh What a Night(s)

2010-11-14T18:53:00.001-04:00

Hey there everybody! What a weekend! I have had a great few days off and I am very happy I took tomorrow off to!

My vacation was very productive. I already told you about my cleaning adventures and I am happy to report it was all good!

Friday night we hung out with Lynn and her hubby, Dean made an awesome stir-fry and we sat and talked and relaxed, had a few drinks and a great time!

Kitty even got in on the action!

Saturday I was a bit sleepy but had stuff to do anyway. I made a batch of my slow cooker chilli and cleaned house for another friend to come visit. All around busy fun! Today I was very productive, we made hummus for the first time ever.

I had it with my veggies for lunch. This is Cumin and Black pepper flavour, and I got the recipe from Betty Crocker. Dean wasn’t a huge fan but I love it! It made enough to last a bit too which is good. I don’t like mayo so for me I use hummus as a spread on wraps and sandwiches. It was so simple this will be a recurring thing. I normally don’t care about packaged goods, but I get bored of the same thing, so I will experiment with different spices and see what happens.

Also today I made Snickerdoodles. Basically they are cookies with cinnamon sugar on them. I thought I should get my Christmas baking started since I don’t have any other real time off before Christmas. However I would like to say that I am not in the Christmas sprit yet… at all!

Over all I had a great few days.

I have been putting alot of thought into joining WW again. I know there are some changes that are going to come around really soon and I am thinking that might be a good time for me to jump back on the band wagon. I did weigh in today and was down, but I still feel its very difficult for me to get in the right mindset to lose this weight. I haven't made up my mind yet, but that is one thought that is floating around in my head!

The other thing is I twisted my ankle over the weekend and have been hobbling around on it. It felt much better today and we went to the mall but after about an hour and a half it was getting swollen again and throbbing like mad! So limited exercise for me, which sucks because it was the one thing I was being pretty consistent with!

Hope everyone has a good Monday!

Feel good day!

2010-11-12T13:40:00.001-04:00

Hey everyone, I am one of the lucky ones that made the holiday on Thursday turn into a long weekend, actually I took Monday off too so I have a 5 day weekend!

Yesterday I spent as a me day. I did 30 minuets of yoga with Bob Harper on The Biggest Loser game. And I can tell ya I am sore today! I also picked up my mom’s dog.

She is meek and mild, and a huge wimp. She has had two “accidents” since being here. She is totally stressed but I think today she is coming around a bit. We went for a great walk last night with hubby and I went for a solo one with her today! But let me tell you my wonderful cat doesn't like the dog being here. I mean they know each other as we lived with mom for over a year, but he was growling and going on like a possessed beast yesterday. But today he was just sooking up to Daddy in the sun!

Yesterday the rest of the day was reading, and cross-stitching. I decided to start watching Grey’s Anatomy from the beginning on my weekends, I enjoy doing that while cross-stitching. Dean got off early yesterday so we went out for supper instead of staying in.

Today I was a cleaning machine! I worked from about 830 until 1130 non-stop. I am beat! And speaking of cleaning Angie has a great giveaway on organic cleaners going on right now!

It feels so good for me to have stuff done off my to-do list. Also I have plans with friends tonight, and my aunt tomorrow. Dean is off Sunday and Monday with me so we will see, I would like to get our Christmas shopping out of the way since we have to ship our gifts to the in-laws!

I have been in a pretty good mood this week, I got my blood work done, and I was started on a new inhaler and I am starting to notice a difference in my breathing, which effects soo much! Well I guess that is it to share right now, hope everyone has a great weekend!

Today Remember…

2010-11-11T11:02:00.001-04:00

Do you know what that is? It’s a poppy, we where it today. Today is Remembrance Day, the day we are suppose to recognize what the military and veterans have done for us. It started with the first world war, and continues today with the “War on Terrorism” over in the middle east. When I was younger there wasn’t a year I missed going to the cenotaph and watching people lay wreaths and crosses or laying them myself. I was a Navy Cadet first, and even walked with the veterans holding a flag down from the local legion to the cenotaph. That was a cold grey day, and I remember thinking my hands were going to freeze. Then I moved on to Girl Guides. I remember sunny days and rainy days, but I really think all were cold days. It wasn’t until last year that my own friends and family come to mind when I think of everyone who has fought for us and our freedom. One is here and the other is not. One is a friend who I went to high school with. He has done a term in the middle east and has forever been changed by that expiernce.

The other: My grandfather, while he didn’t serve in a war, but he was in the Navy, another experience which also forever changed him, and his whole family. My Dad remembers him being away alot, he had a strict upbringing and he was proud.

Today I remember. When I was a child I did not understand what it meant to remember, I didn’t have anyone to remember. I was always respectful but didn’t understand. I took today off, sure it’s a great excuse to sleep in and not go to work, I even made it into a long weekend. But as the 11 o’clock hour hit, I had tears in my eyes and thought in my head and heart.

So please take a moment to remember who you may have in your life who has been impacted by war, or the military forces, without them where would we be?

Guilty little secrets

2010-11-07T17:18:00.001-04:00

Well another weekend is over. I have had a weekend and week full of struggles. I am really struggling with finding myself, which is what this blog was meant for in the end. I don’t want this to be a “weight loss” blog. That is never what I intended. But the truth is so much of my personal struggle revolves around my self image and weight. I don’t feel good in my own body. Secret #1: Part of my brain says “oh we won’t really crack down on weight loss until the 190’s” How crazy is that? And yet it is my internal talk. I feel completely mortified that I would think that way. But also some of me thinks I am happy where I am at some of the time. I know my husband loves me, I know my friends (what little I have) love me for who I am. To the people that matter I could be 400 lbs and they would still love me. Except I wouldn’t love me, and I don’t now either.

And that brings me to another thing. Secret #2: I am a loner. And I don’t really think of that as a bad thing. I could name on one hand my friends. I know they are real friends and that is important, but also lately I have been craving socialization. I am alone after work and on Saturdays, and while sometimes I really enjoy that alone time other days I just wish I had more friends so I could have plans.

And last of the confessions Secret #3: I play Farmville on Facebook. Haha, yea lame I know but it passes time and is sometimes cute and interesting.

Well that's all of my little secrets today. What are some of you guilty secrets?

Today I started working out. I did the Biggest Loser game. a 25 minuet boxing routine and a 5 – 10 minuet challenge. It was fun but I am exhausted. I have a feeling my arms and calves will be cursing me tomorrow!

We also went through the Christmas stuff to see what we wanted/needed for the house. The top of the list is a new Christmas Tree. We were able to get rid of a box of stuff for donation! And after going through that we are now fully unpacked and purged of all the junk! It feels really good.

After lunch we headed to Dartmouth Crossing and found a coffee table and end table set. We got them from JYSK. We also looked at a nice Dining room set, but that will have to come later!

Now I am waiting for supper (hamburgers) and very upset that it is dark out at 5:00. Its a short week for me as I have Thursday and Friday off! I plan to work out tomorrow when I get home from work! I will let you know how it goes!

Is there a Dr in house?

2010-11-06T20:56:00.001-03:00

This morning I was up early and out to the Doctors. Nothing really wrong just a check-up. However what sucks is that my doctor is 40 minuets away. I really want to find one closer to home, but I am hesitant too because I don’t know anyone who has a doctor in the city. So after driving 40 minuets and waiting 50 I was in and out in 5. Good thing my mom lives close so the trip wasn’t totally wasted.

I had a good visit with Mom, helping her with some things around the house. I love that no matter how long I am way it is still home, still “my room” and I can still feel 100% comfortable.

I got home around 3 and as much as I wanted to have a quick workout before Dean got home I could barely keep my eyes open. Next thing I knew it was 5:00 and Dean was home. We headed out for supper tonight, wend to Jack Astor’s. We waited for about 30 minuets before getting a table, but then got one right next to the kitchen which was interesting to watch.

Now I am home sipping on some wine, chilling with my wonderful husband.

Plans for tomorrow involve working out, weighing in, and maybe opening a Christmas box. And this brings me to another topic. It is too early to be decorating for Christmas? There have been things around facebook and twitter to have courtesy and respect and not to put lights on and decorations out until after Remembrance Day. I totally agree with this, I can understand the malls and shops having Christmas things out but I think at home it’s too early. We usually start when the Parade of Lights is going on.

So when is it appropriate for Christmas Decorating and Christmas events?

I have found the motivation!

2010-11-05T21:01:00.001-03:00

Well boys and girls I think I have the motivation back… Last night we went and bought the Xbox Kinect. It is similar to a Wii and uses all movement. Along with it we also bought The Biggest Loser, Ultimate Workout. I just did about 20 minuets of it and I am sore today! It felt good to be sore again. I really think this will motivate me because I plan to do this after work. That means no more naps for me!

My eating still isn’t great but I know if I can focus on exercise that I will lose weight!

I have a doctors appointment tomorrow and I am looking forward to figuring out my blood work and all that. I am hoping everything will be ok, but I really think I will need to be on supplements the rest of my life.

What else do you do for motivation? Do you focus more on what you eat or exercise when you are trying to lose weight?

Oh I with there was a simple way to change your life!

Walk it off!

2010-10-13T20:21:00.001-03:00

Hello hope everyone is having a good week! I am having an ok week. Yesterday was better than today, but I am now feeling better.

The past 2 days I have been tracking and even though today I slipped and bought some greasy food I was with in my calories! I guess that is the advantage of doing things slow, because I am not restricting my calories as much as I have in the past. When I look at my B12 and Iron intake though they are lacking, it’s not hard to see why I need to supplement with pills!

I have also gone for a walk for the past 3 days! I am very happy to be exploring my new neighbourhood. There seems to be some varying degrees of wealth/property around my area. We are in a duplex, and all around us are other duplex’s. But yesterday when we walked there were houses, but not too fancy and today ho! There were some houses, we are talking probably $500,000 homes. But it’s nice to see it all and dream about maybe one day moving up into them! The walking is also really helping with the stress levels and my sleeping. I only wake up once though the night and am able to fall back to sleep fairly quickly.

That's really it for me lately. I have been reading before I go into work in the mornings. Working my days, which have been a bit stressful this week! And coming home and reading again, or cross-stitching. We have been watching Angel the past few nights and it’s nice to be in a routine!

Crash Forward

2010-10-11T16:47:00.001-03:00

Wow Happy Thanksgiving everyone, we had our dinner yesterday and it was yummy! Mom came over and Dean did all the cooking. I am truly thankful for having such a wonderful husband who will do pretty much anything to make me happy.

I did do something yesterday I shouldn’t have done… I stepped on my scale. It wasn’t pretty. I have pretty much gotten back to my weight of 2 years ago. I held it together yesterday, really concentrated on what I wore and being happy that I was spending time with my mom. But in the back of my mind I kept thinking about it. This morning when I woke up I knew something had to change, I can’t wait until November like I had planned, I would hate to see the scale if I waited that long! So this morning I made a new account to Sparkpeople. I had breakfast while setting my goals. Truth is I plan to take my time and do this the right way.

After breakfast we finished hanging pictures and unpacking. Every last box in this house is gone! I am so glad that we can just relax for a bit now and find a routine not that everything has a place! Lunch rolled around and I totally lost it. I wanted to have some cheese (still do actually) but looked at the NI and freaked, why does cheese have to have so many calories! Really what I think happened is a sort of grieving. I had just sort of pushed the number the scale said away but really didn’t deal with it. Well it hit me today, I got mad I yelled and then I cried. Dean and all his wonderfulness helped me though it and I feel better now.

We have gone for a 50 minute walk and I wore my HRM and tracked my calories. It is a very nice day out and I am glad I could enjoy it. Even if walking up the huge hill at the end almost killed me! Its back to work tomorrow and I am sure after being off for four days all hell will be waiting in my inbox!

What Flavour are you?

2010-10-09T16:46:00.001-03:00

I am waiting for hubby to come home and after doing everything I wanted to accomplish today I thought I would post.

I only started blogging in 2009. I started blogging because friends of mine where and said it was a great way to be accountable. I don’t feel this way, I do feel blogging is a good way of getting thought and feelings out. I also use it to share success. I have changed alot since 2009 but never thought of this as a “Weight loss blog” or even a “Healthy living blog.” It is simply my blog, me taking it one day at a time, posting when I want, and sharing what I want.

To say I wasn’t influenced by others would be a lie. There was a time I got upset because I didn’t have alot of followers or get alot of comments. That has since passed. Alot of people in blogland have either stopped blogging or talked about not blogging or changed the way they view blogging. For me I will continue sharing my experience to finding a better me. I guess I would count as a “Healthy Living blog” and maybe even a “Weight loss blog” but I don’t see me that way. I am what I am and I am thankful for the followers I have and the comments I get. It is nice to know someone is out there!

That is all, but maybe think about what flavour blog you have and see if it’s what you really want. I am definitely more a journal then anything else, I just write to an audience. Even if it’s just my self in a year or two!

Ok now onto the glories of today!

This morning I used our central Vac for the first time, its a thing a genius! We have laminate floor throughout but totally beat sweeping with the broom, plus it was fun to chase that cat around with it!

After cleaning I decided to have some fun, bring in the hobbies!

Other than my hobbies on the computer I also love reading, cross-stitching and playing video games! I was at one time cross-stitching so much that I made a blog, but I since had lost the motivation to work on my projects. Well today I picked up all three hobbies!

I cross-stitched this morning and watched Anne of Green Gable The Sequel. By the end of it I was in tears, I am such a softy.

After that I had some lunch and then decided to try out my soaker tub. Let me tell you that thing is beautiful. I sat in a bubble bath for about 40 minuets reading my book. It was sooo relaxing! After my bath I headed back downstairs to get the Xbox 360 hooked up to the internet, after doing that I played around for a bit. Now I am getting chilled and waiting for hubby to come home. Not sure what is up for tonight but I was thinking maybe going out and getting some Starbucks unless he brings me some home!

Tomorrow we are having our Thanksgiving dinner and my mom is coming over. I am excited to show her the house now that all our stuff is mostly put away! Hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday!

Quick and easy update!

2010-10-08T12:40:00.001-03:00

Hey everyone, I am finally glad to say today is the first day I don’t feel the pressure to do a whole lot of stuff.

We are almost unpacked and really all that's left is for pictures to go up. Of course we have a whole lot we want to buy but that will take time. Also I finally have the internet back so I don’t need to worry about going to Starbucks to pay the bills! Today we need to go get groceries again and other than that I am not doing a whole lot.

I am happy to say I am physically worn out. We have not stopped since closing day and we have 3 flights of stairs in our house! I think my legs will be in shape. What did bother me was that doing those three flights up was exhausting. Now I did have some sort of lung infection before moving in and I am hoping that is was that. It has gotten easier now but wow, I need to get active again! I have been taking my vitamins everyday and have even tried to up my Iron to twice a day, I only hope that when I go to the doctor later in the month everything will be in the right spot. Eating has been rather up and down, while Dean cooks healthy and we have eaten lots of fruit and veggies there have been a few slips at work. But such is life and I am moving on. I haven't been tracking anything and I haven't stepped on the scale but until we are in a routine those things would only create more stress.

Mentally Dean and myself are fantastic. Getting out of my mothers basement has been a huge change. I am more alert now, and care more now about things I didn’t really care about before. I am stating to want to look good again and I have not had an “episode” of utter depression and self loathing since we have been here.

Well that is it for today, I am happy to say I am relaxing will probably get my book out soon.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone!

Starter Home

2010-10-01T18:26:00.001-03:00

Well the post you’ve all been waiting for… Ok maybe not but I’ve been waiting to post it! My new home, my new lease on life, and my new way of thinking.

So its October 1st and I have been thinking about weighing in alot… I am going to hold off. I know what the scale said before I moved and I know that I gained weight. I will wait until November 1st to weigh in. The thing in that won’t take very long. Dean has been very good at making sure we bring in good things to our house and not processed junk. He wants to eat right and exercise and develop a good routine. Me too so it all works!

Ok so pictures. We bought a 3 level 4 bedroom semi-private, I already can say there are too many stairs!

Kitchen with Dining room behind me,

Living room which is also where all our stuff is so far,

basement bedroom, or Caspian's room, and probably future exercise room!

Upstairs bathroom,

Our bedroom (love the colors!) and no that is not our permanent bed, it is a single we bought from the owners and that is what we are sleeping on, its been tight but cozy!,

basement laundry and bathroom.

The other bedrooms are just bedrooms but I have before pictures so I can compare with the finished product!. So there ya go, so far we have the kitchen unpacked and our clothes are hanging in the closet, of which is amazing with shelves and organizers… plus a additional walk in closet!

Well since this will be posted from Starbucks hopefully today I will leave you there. The rest of our big stuff comes tomorrow and I am sooooo excited!! I will be in touch!

Weekly thoughts.

2010-09-19T17:09:00.001-03:00

Good evening everyone, well the count down is on. For me it’s the countdown for moving, which also brings the re-launch of my blog. All I really said before is that I was focusing on myself. Well that is because somewhere in this mess of life (approximately in the last year) I have lost my sense of self. I have relied too much on what other people do, say and think and have not been able to get out of that.

So now that we will be in a new house it will be the start of a new journey. I will be focusing on alot of things, some more than others at first. Some of the major topics are;

My Physical Health – I am anaemic and have B-12 Deficiency. I need to get them fixed! I also have weight issues that cause me to be unhappy with my self image.
My Mental Health – I have had seasonal depression for a few years now, but I am very certain that due to circumstances I have developed a more chronic depression, I want to kick this in the butt with out medication.
Work Life – I have never really talked alot about work, but it is a huge stressor for me and I need to let off some steam in this area.
Finances – well we are buying a new house so of course this will be a challenge. Lots of people say the first year is the hardest!
Hobbies – I have a lot of hobbies, reading, video games, and cross-stitching being the most enjoyable. I hope to include a bit of everything into the blog with some reviews and progress pictures.

Well there is a brief overview. If you interested in any or all stay tuned. I have what I think are some exciting things lining up for my new routine!

Coming Soon

2010-09-07T20:20:00.001-03:00

Just wanted to let everyone know that I plan to re launch my blog on Oct. 1st. It will focus on finding myself! Stay tuned for all the fun!

Giveaways, Awards and Stress Eating.

2010-08-10T20:35:00.001-03:00

Good Evening, I have a few things to do.

First there are two great giveaways I want to talk about.

Crystal over at Bye Bye Fat Pants is giving away a inspirational bracelet. Check it out Here.
Katie over at Her Inner Shine is also hosting a giveaway for a great gift certificate. Check it out Here.

Next up I have been nominated for The Versatile Blogger Award.

The 3 rules:

Thank the person who gave you the award
Share seven things about yourself.
Nominate fifteen newly discovered blogs. Let your nominees know about the award.

So a big thank you to Jenny at Diary of a Fat Girl on Her Way to Being a Healthy Girl!

Seven things about myself:

I am an only child (so is my hubby).
I used to be a highland dancer (yes with the kilt and all that).
My aversion to exercise comes from being rejected from the junior high cheerleading and soccer teams (that is a new realization).
I was obsessed with Buffy the Vampire Slayer.
When The Titanic Movie came out I researched alot of information on it.
I have an office at work… I don’t use it much, and its very empty.
I am a huge stress eater…

Now to nominate some people… This may prove difficult.

Ok That is done. So now the topic of the day. Stress Eating.

I know I am probably the most guilty stress eater out there. And I also know alot of my trigger stresses now. But let me tell you that buying a house is a huge stress for me. Its the waiting. I am always thinking about what the house looked like, where our stuff will go, just the excitement of being out of my mothers basement! Then there is the scary stuff like, how much money everything will be, changing our routine, moving. So much stress!

Hubby and I have decided that eating and exercise will be less focused until we get into our own house then its down to business. I am so lucky to have a husband who wants to exercise with me and cook good for me. I cannot wait!

So do you stress eat? What are your stressors?

SOLD

2010-08-08T09:09:00.001-03:00

So if any one follows on Twitter, you will have seen me yammering about house inspections and closing dates. I’ve been purposely not posting because other than this exciting endeavour there hasn’t been too much going on.

So that is right everyone Hubby and I are buying our first home, and last night there was a sold sign outside the house!!! To me that made it all real! Our closing date isn’t until the end of September which will seem like forever!!! Our cute little love nest will be a semi-detached 4 bedroom (room to grow for little ones). We fell in love with it as soon as we saw it. And yes there are a few pictures although I was busy with the house inspection (which went very well), and forgot to take as many as I wanted.

Back yard and Kitchen, the two selling factors… just joking it was the total package.

So we have been busy with running around to house inspections and signings, and calling people. Its All so much work but really I just can’t wait to get in with out own stuff and settle down.

51 Sleeps!

201

2010-07-25T18:06:00.001-03:00

Wow it’s hard to believe a whole week went by. Even though it seemed slow while I was working. So this is my 201st post. Hard to believe. I tried to get the motivation to blog yesterday but when I looked at it I found it kind of hard to think that in the year and a half I have blogged I don’t have a whole lot to show when it comes to my success.

Then

Now

I guess I notice the pudgy in the tummy gone a bit, but the weight is still about the same. I also wish I could say I felt good, but to be honest alot of time I don’t. I have had 4 pretty good days. Today I had a few moments of crappy thinking but over all I am trying very hard to stay positive and focus on the good things.

I think I have figured out my food plan:

Track using Spark People.
Stay within 1200 and 1550 calories as recommended by them.
I will track starting on Sundays
I will weigh in on Saturdays
If I LOSE weight I will not track on Saturday

So why will I not track on Saturday you ask? Well I have found from previous experience that I don’t do well tracking ALL the time. I find that I get sick of it. I will of course eat well and try the best, but I will allow some treats on Saturdays. So this week I will be focusing on that and then next week I will look at an exercise plan.

Deans whirlwind birthday weekend

2010-07-19T18:38:00.001-03:00

My Husband is a quarter century old! (I’m not far behind him though).

After a long day of Dean working, and me shopping with my mom we headed to Lynn and Jason's to start the celebrations. We had a great BBQ of hamburgers, sausages, corn on the cob and potatoes. Me and Dean were drinking Sutter Home, our favourite white zinfandel. We chilled out, and had some birthday cake.

Unfortunately it was in my car a little long and it was +38 degrees Saturday so it melted a little bit. It still tasted good though. Dean definitely wanted a good cake and I hope he enjoyed it even though it melted. At least he didn’t ask for Ice-cream Cake!

We watched and movie and went to bed. In the morning it was Sunny! Just as we had hoped. Lynn made a great breakfast of scrambled eggs, home fries and French bread. After we digested and it got hotter we headed to the beach. The great thing about living on the Eastern Shore is the beaches and it’s even better when you know a few non-provincial ones. This beach has a lake on one side and then over a dune there is the ocean. It was high tide so no ocean fun was to be had. But we did step into this lovely lake.

The water was pretty warm and we got a nice refreshing swim in. We went home in time for a light lunch and Dean opened his gifts. Then we got ready for a nice dinner out. Soon enough it was time for pictures and piling into the car.

Don’t we all look good dressed up. Its rare we dress up and go somewhere. It was lovely!

We were originally going to go to Il Mercato, but it was closed. So we scoured the city and finally deciding on Upstairs at Salty’s. The food was wonderful and they also had my favourite dessert ever; Blueberry Grunt!

Over all it was a wonderful weekend and today I was back to work.

My plans for this week include trying to figure out what I am going to do with food/exercise and I hope that will help me find some motivation. Other plans include going to the beach in the evening if it’s nice and relaxing and spending time with my wonderful Husband! Hope you had a good Birthday Hun!!

Look At What I did!

2010-07-17T10:14:00.001-03:00

So yea all that crap about being positive, I am taking a day off. Today the scale showed me a number I NEVER wanted to see again. But if I am going to be honest with myself I will add that part of me wanted to see if just eating would make me gain weight, or if I would maintain. Well I figured it out. I gain weight, which means for the REST of my life I will have to monitor what I eat. So to be honest I haven't decided what to do about it all yet other than CHANGE! I completely had a breakdown last night while I was trying to find something to wear to Dean’s birthday dinner. I have said to myself all week “I feel bloated” well no it’s just plain fat!

What do I want?

To lose 20 lbs ASAP (yes I know it doesn't all come off fast)
To be able to enjoy and crave exercise or activity.

That is all, it seems so fricking simple and yet I cannot make it happen. I know what and how and why and all that stuff but can’t seem to just do it. Gah I should scream.

Ok I am going to stop ranting now and try to figure stuff out!

A Day For The Beach

2010-07-15T21:34:00.001-03:00

Well good evening, in an effort to be healthy I am trying to stay up a bit later and enjoy my time at home instead of pretty much coming home getting ready for the next day and going to bed.

Today was over all a good day. I did however have to fill out WCB papers. Yes I may have hurt my back. It feels ok right now but it didn’t earlier and just in case I wake up and can’t move tomorrow I filled them out. Hopefully nothing comes of it. I also had my education course today which focused on the last part of “Interpersonal Communication.” It was very educational and apparently I am not horrible at speaking in front of groups.

It’s the first day it’s been sunny and not foggy down here on the Eastern Shore and I really wanted to go to the beach, but getting home late and eating supper even later I didn’t think it would happen. But…

Yep I made it there! It was sunny and beautiful and I enjoyed every minuet of it. We even had Ice-cream on the way down. I had moon mist and it’s been a long time! We went to Martinique Beach. There were surfers there and lots of people walking the beach. Here’s a fact; its the longest beach in NS and is 5Km long. We didn’t walk that far that is for sure, but it was a nice stroll with good conversation and the water my feet went in wasn’t too cold (once they got numb).

It is definitely time for me to hit the sack though, I will probably read a little and tomorrow is Friday! Which will kick off my Hubby’s Birthday Weekend!

Taking care of Massage

2010-07-14T19:07:00.001-03:00

Well no post yesterday. Why? Cuz there was an elephant in my head. I stayed home from work because I had a huge migraine and really just couldn’t handle work with that. So my day was spent pretty quietly. And because I didn’t do much when it came bed time I didn’t sleep well. Oh well that is that.

Today at work I had a pretty good day, I got some positive feed back and felt good about the day. Then I did something I have never done before… I got a Massage! The massage itself was pretty good, I couldn’t say I was relaxed but it felt good. She did warn me I will be sore tomorrow because apparently I was very tense (well if I am really stressed that makes sense). The experience over all was a good one and I will be going back very soon. I also found out that I apparently have a subluxated rib. Which pretty much means it’s out of place. Now I don’t have pain with this which is good, and I also hear it’s pretty common in women. So it also means I may have a chiropractor in my future.

How do you feel about a chiropractor?

I have heard many things, good and bad and am a little afraid to go see one.

So that was my day, I have a long day tomorrow and am looking forward to the weekend, it’s Hubby’s birthday and we are celebrating!

Its a manic Monday…

2010-07-12T17:45:00.001-03:00

Ok so my excitement over the weekend included a self pedicure

Eew my feet are gross with out nail polish!

Followed by some baking. I attempted a Hungry Girl Recipe yesterday.

It was super simple. 3 ingredients (pumpkin, brownie mix, and peanut butter). It didn’t turn out wonderful but it’s alright, I definitely expected better. So I will stick to my yum yum brownie muffins.

So that was yesterday. Today a different story. It was work, which was super busy and crazy and made me really want to look at why I do this job. But we are staying to the positive so here it is.

The Makay bridge was closed but I wasn’t late even though I had to detour.
I was busy and didn’t spend the day eating away like I sometimes do.
I got home to a wonderful husband who made me amazing food, as always.
I am now home in my comfy’s and have no real plans.

The only thing I am lacking is exercise, but it’s foggy here already and after the mind boggling day I had today I think it’s ok.

Well on to a new day tomorrow!

I’m back, and better than ever!

2010-07-11T09:33:00.001-03:00

Ok so I have a new layout and a new theme. Positivity! From now on no more negative thoughts allowed on this blog. I will dedicate my time on the blog to finding the positive things in life, even if it’s as simple as I am still alive! But hopefully there will be more than that!

Just a quick update since I’ve been away almost a month. Nothing has really changed, except my attitude. I was very hung up on living in my mothers basement, the fact that we really can’t afford to get out, and just the general differences in lifestyle that me and my mother lead. Well I had a minor breakdown one night (ok maybe major) and the next morning I just decided it wasn’t worth stressing over or hiding over. So I am trying to be active in the day to day goings on and trying to be productive.

So there you go, next up is what I want to focus on to make me happier.

Activity – I need to be more active, it’s just not enough to sit here every evening and lounge around.
Food – I haven’t yet decided how “dedicated” I want to be to the “healthy eating” thing. I already eat well, I just indulge more than I maybe should. But the truth is I love my food! I am still working through this one.
Me – I am important, I lead a floor of 19 staff and 33 residents, I need to look good and feel good. I have my first massage booked for next week and I have decided that I will try to keep up my appearance.
Money – The light is at the end of the tunnel and we can see a glimmer. We got some news that we may be able to get a mortgage earlier than we had hoped, so for now it’s stick to the budget and save, save, save!
Relationships – I have some good and some bad. I feel my husband and I have a really good relationship. It is key for me to keep it up and work on it even if it doesn't need it. However I also have some strained relationships and I need to learn to either speak up and let it out or accept people for who they are. This is definitely a work in progress.

So there you go, a bit of everything. My main thing is to stick with the positive so if you ever see negative talk that I don’t acknowledge let me know!

I am not an inspiration.

2010-06-14T20:21:00.001-03:00

It’s that simple. I read some blogs and people are so positive and truly inspirational. I am not. This is not a bad thing, it is just how it is. To the right is the newest picture of me. Do I look bad? I didn’t think so that day. But looking at it now I see a tummy and a chin, they don’t make me happy. Some days I don’t care… that day I didn’t. But today I do, I saw myself at work and was not happy with how I looked. I saw myself at home with one of Deans sweaters on and I was not happy. I have an addiction to food. I cannot limit myself. I also have a problem getting my ass off the couch. I know inside that if I got my ass up and worked out 5 days a week I would loose weight. But I honestly don’t know why I can’t seem to do that. I cannot seem to find motivation in anything.

Basically what I am saying is this; some days I can live at this weight and some days I can’t. Does that mean someday I eat well and work out and someday I don’t? Those aren’t very good habits are they?

I am so sick and tired of feeling back and forth with this weight loss. This is by far one of my hardest things to deal with. I just wish I could be happy and not do anything or get motivated and do something about it. Anyone have any insight into how to find some motivation?

Ok enough about this negative crap. Here is the positive. Dean and I got out for a small walk and ice cream tonight. I find it really helps to get out of our basement for a bit in the evening. (The ice cream is good too!) Also work was a good productive day, tomorrow I am on education which I enjoy, but I don’t enjoy getting off at 5 in traffic! Also in the positive category tonight is the amazing meal Dean cooked tonight;

Pulled pork Sandwiches with homemade BBQ sauce and turnip fries with Curry dip! Yummy!

And the last always positive thing; my kitty. He is lying in a very weird position which is normal for him… any one else find it weird?

Words from a girl

2010-06-13T18:51:00.001-03:00

Wow that weekend flew right by. I can tell you I have a love/hate relationship with my weekends. I love not working but hate being board. I hate not having a house to take pride in and not having errands to run. I am just really frustrated with everything lately and honestly I’m making myself sick with all the negative crap.

I didn’t weigh in today because I was at Lynn’s I also haven’t tracked today or since like Wednesday. I didn’t eat bad though, and people keep saying that I look like I am losing weight, not sure how that happens since the number won’t change.

My weekend was pretty relaxed and I enjoyed it for the most part. Me and Dean have some stuff to work though and it’s been alot of talk and stuff so this week will be intense I think.

Work wise this week is also crazy busy. I am on course Tuesday afternoon and Wednesday. I also have my performance appraisal Friday… not really concerned about that I know I try my hardest at my job.

So I see my week as being busy and I just hope that by the weekend I feel better. I can only hope.

Here’s for a good week!

Quickie

2010-06-10T20:55:00.001-03:00

I have a quickie post for you to share some random thoughts;

I had Boston Pizza for supper tonight… the meal was ok, the time spent away from home with the hubby was worth every cent.
Hubby totally broke my mouse for me laptop, so I now have a pretty new wireless blue one.
Interpersonal communication is very important.
So is relaxation.
I might possible work 16 hours tomorrow so I can make an extra 200 dollars.
Taxes suck.
If we follow the budget we should be out of here in 10 months…
10 months is a very VERY long time.

And now it’s off to bed. Thank god tomorrow is Friday!

The walk and the Ice-cream

2010-06-09T20:47:00.001-03:00

So today I almost had a panic attack. I was driving home and completely got short of breath and really nervous. I made it though but it was difficult. I have a few reasons which may of brought it on but not one event in particular.

After supper I got a phone call from some good friends who love me and are concerned about me. I really appreciate it! Thanks!

After supper me and Dean went out for some ice cream and a walk.

The first one of the season! And then because I am apparently not an ice cream cone expert it landed on the ground :(

But I then had something to laugh about and enjoyed the walk all the same.

Two more work days left! I cannot wait for the weekend. I haven't been sleeping well and just want to sleep all day long. Hopefully I will sleep good tonight since I didn’t nap!

Ups and Downs… Ins and Outs

2010-06-08T19:07:00.001-03:00

Ugh. Today has been up and down. I worked 16 hours yesterday so I could get today off and spend time with my husband! Now that he’s working we don’t have a whole day off together very often and it was nice to wake up and not have to go anywhere.

Breakfast was really good, Dean made us egg Sammie's with tatziki(sp) and cucumber. The combination went really well. Better then I thought it would originally. We chilled around until a bit later and then headed into the city. We shopped around at Costco and stuff.

When we got back home I was again in a crappy mood. The truth of the matter is I am not a happy person here. This place is just not a happy place for me anymore and it is effecting my mental health and physical health.

So we have started looking for places to live. Any suggestions would be fantastic. Only thing is Dean wants a Washer and Dryer in unit/house!

Could this be it?

2010-06-06T18:37:00.001-03:00

I am so sick and tired of saying that this week will be it and re-motivating myself. I was up a full pound this morning. Today I had an awesome day. But tomorrow it could be completely different. I am going to try very hard to track everyday. I will also be trying to walk 4 days a week.

Today I walked for 30 minuets. But the worst of it is that when I came back all I could smell was Mom’s cigarette smoke which to me almost deprives the point of trying to be healthy if I am sucking back all the second hand smoke! Sooo Frustrating.

So here is for a good week ahead for everyone.

Relay for Life 2010

2010-06-05T13:56:00.001-03:00

Wow what an event. If anyone has ever faced Cancer think about making 2011 your year to Relay.

Last year I was walking in honour of my Papa who was still fighting. This year is was in memory. And that is why I walk. I walk in honour of my Father-in-law who fought and won. And I will walk next year and the year after that and the year after that.

This year I was with Scotiabank “Banking for a cure” thanks to my oldest friend. Who as of this morning raised a total of 5,390.00.

And of course Lynn and I got to meet Tash who joined our team this year. And Lynn was one of the top fundraisers! Go Lynn!

For me other than the Luminary ceremony the biggest things that stick out this year are;

They sold out of Luminaries – that is both wonderful (means people are buying them to raise money) and sad (means there are that many people affected by cancer)
There was a little girl and her older sister who both cut their hair and I think were donating it to Locks of Love.

Then the Luminary Ceremony. It is so touching and so emotional that I get teary eyed still thinking about it. For any one who can't do all night events even if you just fundraise and stay for this event… It will truly change your life.

I also want to say thank you to Jamie who brought us caffeine when we needed it. Also to Scotiabank who will match some of our donations and to everyone who participated and helped make this event possible. We are all Heroes!

Where is the motivation??

2010-06-01T19:06:00.001-03:00

Wow I have no motivation, I wish I knew how to find some or get some. I really evaluated my look at things. Here are some questions I asked myself;

Am I happy in general?

No. This is not only due to my weight but also due to my living situation and work. I am very nervous to admit that I have alot of issues, and because I haven't worked them all out in my own head yet I can’t get into them too much.

Am I happy with my weight?

Yes… and no. I am not happy with the number on the scale, or the BMI. I am still considered obese. However most days I am happy with the way my cloths fit. I don’t think I will ever get to the goal of a “healthy” BMI but I would like to lose more weight. Especially when today someone asked me if I was pregnant… No I’m not!

What do I want to achieve?

I want a healthy lifestyle with healthy habits.. this I have not achieved yet. I want to be able to teach my kids the right way to do things and let them be active and I want to be active with them. I also want to increase my confidence… which has been pretty low.

Is it worth it?

I guess the real question here is if I am worth it. Honestly the place I am in right now is scary. And alot of my thoughts are negative and I am doubting if I am worth it. I know the right answer is I am worth it but believing it is the hard part.

Wow so after that crazy rant there ya go. I said I was going to be honest and there ya go that is honesty in it’s crazy ranting thoughts.

The real world is time consuming

2010-05-30T11:48:00.001-03:00

Wow time flies when you are busy. And that is what I have been. Went back to work and haven't stopped. Thursday I had a workshop until 5 and that meant I didn’t get home to close to 630. I will be doing that for a bit every couple of Thursdays and it’s going to be brutal. Friday I did an extra 8 hours strictly for the money! It doesn't grow on trees and if we are considering moving I want money for some new stuff!

Needless to say Friday was right to bed when I got home. Yesterday was sunny and warm! Me and mom went for some groceries and then sat on the deck. I made some Chicken for supper (BBQ’d) and then we went and hung out with Lynn and her hubby.

Today is rainy and cold. So I am curled up on the couch after getting things tidied up and a roast in the slow cooker.

I also stepped on the scale today 175.8… We bought a new one because WW is coming to an end soon and I didn’t trust my other one. So now every Sunday is weigh day. I am in no rush to loose these 20 lbs (my goal is about 145) but I would like to see a negative number from that scale more than once a month!

Other than that gearing up for another week. I am hoping to work extra tomorrow for Tuesday off and then I am off Friday because of the Relay for Life! Hoping to stay on track and get some stuff going on that is picture worthy soon!

Back to the real world

2010-05-25T19:24:00.001-03:00

Well tomorrow it’s back to the real world. After 5 days off 4:40 will be hard to wake up to… It was a beautiful weekend and I am a little darker than I was at the beginning of it. But not burnt which is good.

My weekend was spend outside for the most part. Well at least yesterday.

Yep we spent most of the day out on the front lawn in shorts and relaxing listening to music. I really couldn’t have asked for a better day spent with my honey (my husband, not the dog, lol).

Today was spent running some errands and relaxing around the house. We went for a walk and had a really good supper out of the Canadian Living Magazine.

I am doing sparkpeople again, we will see how that goes. I am still very unsure about everything, and my mood is still very up and down but I may be on the mend.

Hope everyone had a good holiday and has a great work week!

Still unsure

2010-05-23T09:27:00.001-03:00

I’ve been away a few days. I did extra Thursday for Friday off and Friday was spent with the husband running errands and relaxing. Yesterday was spend doing much of the same. I took my mom’s dog for a walk and we had a friend over for a BBQ.

I am still very confused with everything. So much is up in the air about moving and if Dean is going back to school or not. Exercise is hard because I have plans and then don’t follow through with them. Mom is away for the long weekend and I have the house to myself which is nice, but it will just make it harder when she comes back.

I haven't tracked in a bit, should probably get back on track but I don’t know if it’s what I want anymore. I find tracking very hard lately and even though I know WW isn’t “limiting” I have it in my head that I CAN’T eat certain foods and that makes me mad and only make me want them more.

I know I am struggling with an addiction and what’s worse is that you can’t just kick food. Dean is being very supportive but I am feeling very mixed up and just plain sad. I get anxiety over going out to the store or calling someone lately. I just want to sit around and do nothing, I know I am not acting like myself and most of the time feel powerless to stop it.

Well that’s enough to bore everyone. I just want to give a good luck shout out to everyone running in the Bluenose today!!

1 for 3

2010-05-19T19:17:00.001-03:00

Well Monday was my only good day food wise, today I did well until I was on my way home, I stopped at MacDonald's and got fries and pop. What is wrong with me? I am so mad at myself. I really think I am depressed and really struggling with emotions and feelings. I am very stressed!

No exercise today and I didn’t get any pictures of my food. I praise the food bloggers out there because they can remember to take pictures!

Short post today but that’s because I am so tired of analyzing my emotions!

Let the ball drop

2010-05-18T18:48:00.001-03:00

Well I totally let the ball drop today.

Last night was fine, we finished watching season 3 of biggest loser and had cheese and melba toast for a snack it put me over 2 but I had all my flex points so I used them. We went to bed at a reasonable hour and I woke up at 630 with the sun shining!

Breakfast was yogurt granola and fruit, and I did get a picture but it isn’t very good and the mood I am in is not a great one so I won’t even bother (I know bad me). I ate at home and took my time getting ready to go. I drove to the conference and it all went down hill from there. To make it short and week here is what is on my tracker;

yogurt 1
granola 2
fruit 0.5

Here is where it gets bad remember yesterday I said I was proud of resisting those lovely muffins well here is the rest of the day at conference.

Muffin 14
Muffin 14
Lasagne 10
Salad 1
Garlic bread 4
square 1

That is over my points and then some (23 to be exact). I totally let myself down. And I can’t even say what possessed me to eat that much. I knew the muffins were bad and yet I found them going into my mouth. Hormones? Maybe, but probably not. I am just thankful I am not on conference tomorrow too.

I was really mad at myself and when we got out it was so beautiful and sunny so when I got home I changed and went straight to the trail for a run. Actually I ran 5K, or most of it. And burned 635 calories, so 6pts worth. I didn’t redeem all the damage but I did something at least. And it felt good. I have blisters and have a feeling I may not be able to move tomorrow but I did it!

Supper was pasta and salad, and I didn’t get a picture. Tomorrow I am taking a picture of everything I eat, that is my goal!

Learn from the past!

Wow that sucked.

2010-05-17T19:21:00.001-03:00

So last we left I was settling in to relax with my book and chill out for the evening. Well I did that, I finished my book. It had a bad ending but overall I found the book really hit home. I work with Alzheimer's patients all the time and it really helped me know what they went though.

So I finished my book, and then ate some frozen yogurt… which I didn’t need… but anyway I also didn’t get a picture of it… Then I had a mental breakdown… yep totally. Now we could say I am hormonal we could say I was just tired but in reality it was waiting to hit for a long time. Living with my mom in the basement I grew up in. I went though so much here that was negative and horrible and now that Dean is working I am home here alone alot, and thinking about alot of it. I feel like I am 17 again and I hate it. And that is what I was upset about. That and my insecurities in my relationships. I felt very alone and I cried really hard.

That being said we are now trying to come up with a plan for what to do, move or not, buy or rent so any advice would be great!

Moving on to today I woke up with a sore back, my whole upper back and neck is killing me. I’m not totally sure why (exercises maybe?) but it made me think about massage therapy and that I really want to start going.

I was on course today so I had more time to get ready. Breakfast was my Peanut Butter and Banana wrap. This is my favourite work breakfast because its fast, easy and has 3 food groups and 5 pts!

So I drove to the conference (at the airport) and went in. There was those amazing muffins that are huge and so good… I didn’t eat any, not a bite. I feel this is a huge accomplishment for me! On our break I ate some yogurt and fruit, total 2pts. At lunch I had a beef wrap made for lunch and they were serving soup, sandwiches and yummy squares. I had my wrap and some soup (beef barley) and 2 squares. I totally didn’t need the squares but they were sooo good. Total was 11 pts, 2 of which were squares. We got out early which I was thankful for becuse my back was really hurting. Came home and had a nap.

Dean got home and even though I was suppose to cook he did because he knew my back hurt. Supper tonight was yummy Sticky Lemon Chicken. I forgot to take a picture (blame the pain), so here is what it looks like from Gordon Ramsay’s book Fast Food;

We used boneless skinless chicken breasts and It was sooo good. We had it with boiled potatoes and green beans. Total 6 pts with some margarine. And I was full!

So now I am relaxing. I had a shower and have applied some Bengay to my back and am just chilling watching season 3 of biggest loser.

Oh yea check out Jamie over at Embracing Balance who is giving away some amazing vita tops!

Live like there is no looking back.