Bucket List

Well I did it, I completed a bucket list. I really wanted to sit down and think of some things I wanted to accomplish in life. Usually when I think of things I want to do I don’t come up with much. I am a pretty low key person who is generally happy sitting at home with a good book or a TV show. I don’t want alot of clothes I don’t collect anything that costs alot of money. I do not consider myself materialistic at all. So when wanting to create a bucket list what did I do? I consulted Google. One of the first hits was this link. It was great to sit down and feel like I have things to accomplish. You can view my bucket list above.

That is one of my biggest frustrations; feeling like I am not accomplishing things in my life. When I am at work I have a list of tasks that is every changing, old things getting crossed off and new things feeling added. I feel accomplished crossing things off that list. But at home I feel like I have nothing to strive for, I feel like the old things I used to enjoy are almost as waste of time because they are not productive. Dean and I have been having alot of conversations around this. For me I am not sure if some of it is a lack of motivation, a depression or just a “funk”. What I do know is that I want to get organized and start feeling “accomplished” before baby gets here. I have to be honest I am still working on my definition of what accomplished is for me.

And speaking of baby, I had my monthly check up today. I am happy to report I gained the weight the doctor wanted me too. I am not back up to my pre-pregnancy weight, with 18 weeks to go I can only hope I don’t start gaining too much weight. The heart beat was 144 again – it has consistently been that except the first time we heard it (162). One thing I am not happy about is the fact that I now have to change doctors, my family doc does not deliver babies so I will be referred to a doc at the IWK. My only hope is that they will be as calm and informed as my regular doc.

It’s back to work tomorrow for me, but a 4 day week, and another 4 day week next week as well! Hope everyone has a great week!

What have I been up to?

Well growing a baby is a big one. I am feeling much better now then I was in October. I am now 22 weeks pregnant and very excited and anxious to have a little baby in my arms! We have decided not to find out the sex of the baby but will be going to 3DMiricles for a Heart Beat Bear. We had our first ultrasound not too long ago and that was exciting. The best part was finding out that there was only one baby in there!

We had started our nursery in October, but have just officially “finished” it yesterday.

Before

 

After

The only thing I have left to do is recover the cushions to the rocking chair. That was my Mom’s rocking chair that has been around forever, it is still comfy, just needs a little love.

And speaking of my Mom we had our first Christmas without her. It was a bit rough, but not as hard as I had thought. Being pregnant has had alot of ups and downs thinking about Mom. My Dad is doing fairly well, he just lost a brother the beginning of this month which was a bit difficult for everyone. Reality is if people would eat well and exercise they would live longer and less people would die of massive heart attacks. I feel kind of hypocritical saying that because my exercise has been pretty low, but Dean and I plan to get right back into it once baby is here. We are going to join a complex with a pool and I am super excited about swimming and getting my baby used to the water!

I really hope to blog a bit more now. I had alot of stress in my life after finding out I was pregnant and work and the holidays. But now my stress level is lower, and I also know that blogging and writing things out will help my stress level. I have been working on getting more organized and finding some joy in my life. I was feeling like I was just sitting like a bump on a log for a long time and I really want to become more active with doing things I enjoy and getting used to being busy.

Well that’s it for now, I am glad to be back to blogging and getting some thought out in writing I hope to keep it up with some interesting things in my life.

What’s the good news?

I have been trying to think of how to write this blog post. It’s not easy and I really don’t know why. So I will just say it.

I’m Pregnant!

We are truly excited by this, we have alot of anxiety and fear. We are both only children from small families and don’t have alot of experience with babies. But we are very happy!

I have been feeling pretty crappy. The exhaustion I feel is nothing like everything I ever felt before. And I have been nauseated almost all the time. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

We are going to be parents and cannot wait!

Happy 2nd Anniversary!

Wow, I feel like time just flies by sometimes. Hubby and I have been married for 2 years! We have had a pretty good week. We went out to dinner and we spent the day shopping. We didn’t buy anything just shopped around. I am blessed to have a husband who loves me and I am also blessed that Mom got to share my wedding day with me.

 

I am back to work Monday, I am excited to go back and get a routine going again. I have gained alot of perspective and I think I found what is really important. I have set some goals for myself and also discovered some things I love again.

The rest of the week will involved getting some lunches made and relaxing. I might get my hair cut, and I might go buy some new clothes, but for the most part I will be relaxing at home with my hubby!

Guilt… Lots of guilt

So I have been doing this whole thing where I am working on my self, health and emotions. Dad is coming to visit tomorrow and I have had Mom’s camera at my place and he wants it back. So I thought I would take the pictures off it, that is why I had it in the first place.

Enter guilt trip extraordinaire! I found what I believe is the last picture that was taken of my Mom. What makes me so sad and guilty is that I was there and I refused being in the picture. I could have had a chance to be in that photo, Mom asked me to be in that photo, and I was being to petty and stupid and said no.

My cousin, mother and grandmother. 3 generations just not the right ones. I should have been in that picture. The worst of it is that it also made me realize that I will never have a 3 generation picture with my mom. I have one with my great grandmother, even though she passed away when I was only a baby,

The other thing I realized is that I have changed alot in the last 6 months. Things that used to be so important are really stupid and petty. Life is more important than being mad about people being late or what you have for a holiday dinner.

What I now know is that I have to take as many opportunities as I can to spend time with my father and other family, I need to remember the time spent and not how it is spent but that it is spent with family, friends, and being happy.

I miss Mom everyday, some days are harder than others, Today was a rough one, I can’ only hope that tomorrow will be better.

Six Months, Ups & Downs.

  Wow, first off it’s hard to believe that it’s been 6 months since my mom passed away. I have certainly had some ups and downs. When Mom passed away I almost immediately decided to change my lifestyle for the better. We joined the gym and I was eating better, I was finding stress relief in the gym and for a long time was feeling good. Then about 6 – 8 weeks ago things started to slip. Alot in my life was causing me stress and anxiety and I really was not coping well at all. Some people would say that I entered the “depression” stage of my grief, and maybe that was true, but I think alot of it was that I lost myself and started focusing on other people instead of myself. I have this time off to rediscover who I want to be and I talked last time about setting goals and finding what I want in life. While I am now officially registered for the Valley Harvest 5K. Dean registered  us yesterday and I honestly had thoughts of doubt and fear while he was doing it. But we went to the gym yesterday and I ran for 11 minuets straight and I also managed to walk/run 2 miles in 26 minuets… not to shabby. Dean is planning on doing the 1/2 marathon and this morning we set up a training schedule for him and finalized mine as well. It is real now!

The past few days have been pretty good, although I have had Dean home with me and that has alot to do with it. Saturday we went on a hike with Lynn and Jason. It was along the Crowbar Trail with great views and lots of incline! It was a great way to burn some calories and spend time with friends. There is a longer trail that I would love to go back to do next spring.

Yesterday Dean spend the day in the kitchen after our trip to the gym, he made stock, pasta sauce and barbeque sauce. I love that my husband would rather have homemade things than going out the store to buy it, and that he makes it himself. We have not bought pasta sauce since moving into our house, we also have not bought store made bread since buying out bread maker a few months ago, I don’t know how much money we save, but I can only think that we do, plus the real things are healthier and have less chemicals in them.

Today I stepped on the scale, it is slowly climbing back up. So I decided to track my food again and today was the starting point. I really am not focusing so much on losing weight, more on getting enough protein/iron in and having a balanced day. I do have it set to lose 1/2 pound per week but really I just want to feel good. If you feel good you look good!

Hope everyone is having a great Labour Day!

Re thinking the process

It has been a while since I blogged, I have stayed caught up on everyone else though.

I have had to take some time off work. Between work, and life I was not in a good state. I was crying almost everyday and a ball of nerves at work. I have realized somewhere in the last six weeks I stopped making myself a priority. After Mom died I made the decision to be healthy and make myself the most important thing. With Dad coming home, work being busy and other family crap I lost sight of myself. I stopped eating well I stopped being active, always finding the excuses that i have used my whole life; “I am to busy”, “It’s too nice out”, “I will tomorrow”. I have to find some goals, both short term and long term and I need to make a plan to follow through. I need to work on managing my stress and anxiety. I need to find healthy ways to deal with my guilt and grief. My doctor has been very helpful making me realize that taking two weeks off when Mom first passed away was no where near enough. That is why I have this time off now.

The one thing I have kept up is my personal training, I did miss a few sessions but overall that has been my only real activity in the past few weeks. However today I achieved a huge milestone for me… I ran at 5.0 for ten minuets. I have never done that before! I am extremely pleased with this, but at the time my trainer was very honest… I can be better, I can do better. He has noticed I have not been committed to this one-hundred percent. I haven't been, I haven't hit the gym unless it’s been to see John. I haven't been walking as much as I could be, I haven't had the energy to tell the truth, and I need to fight though this and just do it!

So one thing I need to work on are some goals. I have really never had alot of goals I have wanted. I don’t dream big, I grew up with little and don’t take what I have for granted. I am a homebody and would rather have movie marathons on the couch then go on a trip. However I need something to work towards in life or else I will end up feeling like I didn’t accomplish anything. I want to focus on a few areas in my life; active living, organization/home life, adventure/new thing, and personal upkeep.

My first goal is to run the Valley Harvest 5K. My trainer feels this is totally do-able and after running for 10 minuets I do to. I have found a 5 week training program that starting Monday I will stick to! As for goals go, I also have 2 passes to try hot yoga, and I have joined up for a Zumba class.

I also plan to book a massage and get a pedicure, eye brow wax and hair cut. We also are planning a night away, just not sure where yet. I also plan to get back into blogging, I find it is very helpful for me to write down how I feel and what I want to plan. I can lay things out here and see where I should be going.

I leave you with a picture that I took on my road trip with Lynn.

Crazy go round!

Well I have had another crazy week. However it has been very good in alot of respects. I am just happy it’s a three day weekend!

I have made it back to the gym. Sunday I hit the gym and just took it easy for my first day back, Monday thought I hit the treadmill for a run and ouch… I was some sore after but all the good sore that comes with working out. Tuesday I hit up my first personal training session in 2 weeks. That was also painful, but all in the good way. I am so glad that I can almost easily slide back into my workout routine after being off for two weeks!

Eating has also been pretty good. I rocked Monday and Tuesday, but did have a downfall Wednesday and Thursday. It’s that time for me where my hormones are yelling at me to eat. But it’s all tracked and accounted for. One feature I love about My Fitness Pal on the IPod is that it shows your average net calories. I use this as my guide to tell me how my week is going. I know one day can do damage but in the run of a week if it’s only one day, I can live with that. The trick to living a healthy lifestyle is allowing yourself to splurge every once in a while. If I didn’t do that I would go crazy.

Earlier this week Dean and I sat down and made some pretty big decisions about where our life is heading. I can’t go into too much detail right now but for the next while we will be focusing on sticking to our budget and living healthy. I feel like we have the living healthy almost down. But sticking to our budget is tricky sometimes. We have money for everything we need, but sometimes we tend to over spend all at once when we may not need to. But again having a life worth living sometimes involves splurges now and then.

Plans for the long weekend include a session with my trainer tomorrow, and housework, plus a trip to visit my Dad (he made it safe and sound back from Ont.) and hopefully an enjoyable evening on the back deck with Dean. He has been working opposite hours than me and I feel like I haven't seen him in a while so I am looking forward to spending the weekend with him!

What are your plans for the long weekend? Whatever they may be hope everyone stays safe!

Plan A vs. Plan B

Wow I have had a really rough week. After my vacation post I had all these posts in my head lined up, but due to my injured shoulder my whole game plan for the week fell though.

See I am really good at coming up with a plan for the week/month ect. I am really good at making lists and schedules. I have a to-do list constantly on the go at work and it’s how I get things done. Unfortunately I very seldom have a back up plan. I do not like things out of my normal or that are unplanned. This leads to stress/anxiety and over all me not getting anything accomplished.

I had planned to get back to the gym Wednesday but after having the Nurse Practitioner at work look at my shoulder she said to keep away from activity for 5 – 7 days at least. It is feeling 100% better now and my plan is to head to the gym right after breakfast tomorrow. But the point was that with my gym plans ruined I ended up coming home and sitting on my ass doing nothing. It also for some reason led to me eating just as bad as when I was on vacation. With all the bad food and lack of exercise I have ended up with built up emotions that poured over today leaving me physically and emotionally drained. I need to find a way to always have a back up plan. This is something I will be putting alot of thought into. So with that said I have a well formulated plan for the upcoming week.

• Meals are planned and healthy food is in the house.
• I will be hard boiling some eggs tomorrow as well as cooking some chicken breasts for salads and such.
• I plan to hit the gym up 5 days this week, including going back to my trainer for 2 sessions.
• Track everything that goes into my mouth with an attempt to keep it at 1200 calories (but allowing my self my normal 1580)
• Take some progress pictures and measurements.

Also this week my Dad comes home for good! He works away and has finally left and will be coming home to the house and all his family. I am a little anxious about this because it will mean a huge change in our relationship but it also means more support for each of us.

Well I feel better now that my plan is all out there. Hopefully it will be a good week and I can follow though, and if I can’t I can find ways to modify my plans to keep with a healthy lifestyle, which is always in the back of my mind… even if it doesn't show.

Vacation 2011

Wow it’s been a while since I blogged. Part of it was due to a lovely vacation we went on. I unplugged for the most part and relaxed while we camped at Dollar Lake. We had a great time relaxing, even in the rain! Here is a tour of our humble abode.

This was our campsite, we had gotten a new camping set this year and it was great.

 

 

 

 

            

 

 

 

 

Our “bedroom” our “kitchen” and our “living room/dining room” I have to say a few words about our kitchen. It was a Christmas gift from Mom two years ago and I found it very useful with a sink and storage for dishes and food. We even had a visitor squirrel stuck in our tent and had a nice swim in the lake. I was so glad to get away and I am so relaxed when I came back and feel relaxed and rejuvenated.

While on vacation we also saw a few movies and celebrated Deans birthday by going to dinner at Niche. Dean also got dessert on the house, Baily’s Mint Cheesecake!

I am now ready to go back to work and get back on track. I am however suffering from a shoulder pain. I am not sure what has caused it but a trip to the doctor is in the near future!

Hope everyone has a healthy fun week!

Shred Away

I am having a hard time right now. But not with the “normal” stuff. I am eating pretty good. I am exercising pretty good. But still find my self emotionally in a rut. I can definitely chalk some of it up to PMS. And I am sure some of it is from being stuck in work 38 degree weather (we have no air circulation at all!). And still I would like could probably blame some of it on the date yesterday (4 months since Mom passed away). I know all these reasons as to why I am not emotionally all together right now, but I feel like none of them are the “right” reasons. I feel like it’s something else entirely.

I go on vacation next week and we are going camping for 4 nights. I am so excited to be getting away. But honestly part of me is scared I will undo alot of my success in that amount of time. Is that ridiculous? I really don’t know. I find self motivation a hard thing for me and always have. I am really hopeful that I will swim alot, that we will walk alot, that I will not want to eat alot of junk.

I am happy to say that I did something today I haven't done in a while. I had full intentions of going to the gym after work today. My bag was packed and in the car. But I had a pretty ugly day at work and really just wanted to come home, so I did. But as I was sitting looking at Twitter and thinking about what to do a thought crossed my mind… I could do 30 Day shred. And after thinking it I did it. For me this was huge. I often think of things I could do, run out side, ride my bike, but I never do them. I never get up the motivation to just do it. And today I did.

But the best part… I was able to do it all without a break… something that has never happened!

Canada Day Weekend 2011

Happy Canada Day weekend everyone, hope everyone had a safe and happy long weekend. The weather here was amazing and my weekend was spent with friends, having alot of fun.

Friday we had a BBQ. Lynn wrote a great post on it with pictures and all of my pictures are pretty much the same. We headed out after a few drinks on the patio to walk down to the fireworks. We were really disappointed because they were not set off at the same place as last year so we had a building in the way.

 

This was the best picture I got, and there were only maybe 3 other fireworks that made it over the building. So we walked back home, totally close to 11 km with a huge hill at the end. Over all thought is was a good day full of laughs and fun.

Yesterday Dean and I did some shopping. Actually I was looking for a bathing suit. I hate bathing suit shopping! However I did find one that suites me ok. But you may never see me in it! We shall see. We also finished up most of our camping shopping and now have everything we need… I don’t know if it will all fit in the car but we have it anyway. Last evening Dean worked and I spent the time watching girly movies. It was relaxing and I was happy to have some time to myself.

Today wrapped up my long weekend beautifully. This morning I headed out with some lovely ladies for a walk around Lake Banook and coffee. We went to Two if By Sea. It was my first time there and I have only heard good things about it. I got a Chia Latte and a Chocolate Croissant.

It was good, and so filling I couldn’t finish it. We headed back to the cars after alot of chatting and totalled around 5Km. It was a lovely day and I had never walked completely around the lake before so it was very enjoyable and didn’t even seem like exercise.

 

Tonight we are ended the weekend with another BBQ. Dean is cooking up some chicken breasts for me to make lunches with and I am planning a healthy week of salads and exercise!

8  more working days until I go on vacation!!

It’s in the inches.

So finally some progress! I have had a pretty good week overall. Ups and downs of course but that is just life.

Work has been a bit stressful lately. Emotions have been running high with the death of a patient and the heat has gotten other patients a bit wacky. I of course have been running around and with a 4 day week this week and then only 6 working days left until I go off on vacation I am trying to get everything done!

I have a great NSV to report! I went to Value Village on Saturday and was looking for jeans in the 13/14 section, I tried on a total of 9 pairs, all but 2 were too big! Next time I will be hitting the 11/12 section! I really would like a new pair of jeans but really don’t want to spend the money if they are not going to fit me in a few months. I know that shouldn’t be an excuse. Honestly I probably use that too much to avoid shopping, but used clothes are just as good most of the time.

I have been really trying to watch what I have been eating in regards to carb and protein intake. I adjusted my ration on MFP to have more protein, but I am finding it extremely hard to get it all in, and to keep my carbs down at the same time. A interesting thing happened on Sunday though. Dean made a loaf of white bread. I wasn’t hungry but had a small piece to try it. After that I was starving for 2 hours! That really showed me how much carbs influence my hunger and my eating. I will be trying to slowly make the switch to whole wheat's. Over all my intake has been pretty good though, trying to make the right choices has been easy.

Last but not least is the fact that yesterday at my training session I had my measurements done. The good news is that I lost inches from everywhere on my body, and almost 5 from my waist alone. My arms and thighs are now equal in size, and my bust and hips are shrinking too. Learning that I have made progress in the size department really gave me some motivation to keep going. I may not be losing it in weight, but I know things are changing.

Hope everyone has a safe, active Canada Day Weekend! My plans include a 5K walk to the fireworks and some relaxing on the deck!

Sometimes things don’t add up.

In March my life changed. In March I was at a point where I had no energy. In March I felt like the world was going to break me. I could barely go up my three flights of stairs and I ate enough most days for two people. I got a rude awakening when my Mom, 120lbs passed away due to her poor lifestyle.

I have been faithfully going to the gym since April. I have been tracking my food since April. I have been seeing my personal trainer twice a week since April. I was 39% body fat and 182lbs in April (based on trainer’s scale in the afternoon)

April

May

June

3 months later and I feel better physically. I have more confidence. I feel my stress level is lower. I manage my stress better. I am stronger. I challenge myself more. I ran for 5 minuets at 5.0 on the treadmill! I am now 38% body fat and weigh 180lbs.

Can you say frustrated? I can. After my reassessment my trainer asked me about my eating habits. He wants a copy of a week of food records and says by the sound of it I am not eating enough protein and I am eating too many carbs. This is probably true. I know as much as I track pretty much everything that goes in my mouth I still don’t eat well. I eat too much junk, I eat most of what I burn at the gym. I drink a bit too much wine on the weekends?? No, not too much wine.

I feel so much better, but I still have a long way to go. I need to get my eating in control, and now. While I know all my blood tests came back good I feel like I can still be doing damage. Anyone on MyFitnessPal can take a look at my diary and maybe give me some help on what to do. I am at a loss. I still want to balance good eating with treats, something I am finding very hard to do.

Honestly after the week I have had finding out I have made such little progress was pretty upsetting, but after cooling down I am not going to let this stop me, I will find a way to lead a healthy lifestyle and get rid of this body fat!

A day at home.

Well today ended up being a sick day for me. Last evening I knew I just was in no emotional state of mind to work. So I relaxed with a glass of wine while we listened to music.

This morning I was glad that I had decided to call in sick because I was still so sore from the gym that I could barely move. I made great protein smoothies for breakfast hoping to get my muscles repaired. Then we headed out to run some errands. We were on a mission to get some shelving for our cats room. Ok really we use it as a store room, but the cats have their litter box, food and a chair in there. I mean look at Rosie, how does she not deserve her own room?

So after we obtained our shelves we also got Dean a drill, he was complaining about not having alot of power tools and this would make his job easier. With the shelves assembled we put stuff away. Now there is alot more room to stock up during our Costco trips!

While Dean was making supper I decided to roam around the yard and see how my garden was doing. I am guilty of not taking care of my gardens. We have trimmed out hedges our front and I did weed in the beginning of the summer. Back in May I bought five plants and planted them where I thought they would do good. Turns out the Hosta’s that were already planted took over and covered up my plants. So I thought they were dying. Well after uncovering them I discovered these:

There is one more plant that hasn’t bloomed yet, but it looks close. After digging out the plants I am now eager to decide what I want to do with my yard. I didn’t kill things, maybe I do have a green thumb!

After supper we went for a walk, and I am happy to report my back and legs are feeling much better. Back to work for me tomorrow and to the trainer. I am excited to get my progress checked and my head is back in the game!

Emotional Workout

Ugh, I am so sore today, and I cannot even say it is from a fantastic work out.

Yesterday I got some pretty emotional news and if I had of gotten it earlier I would have cancelled my training session. But I went, even though I was pretty emotional. I was warming up on the elliptical and I was almost in tears. I did seem to settle down a bit once Jon got me going, for a few minuets I even felt like my stress was going away. Then I got to the point where my body didn’t want to work. I was doing squats on the bosu and lunges and I just couldn’t do it. I felt like I was going to fall, like my hip joints were going to give out. My legs were shaking so bad, I was getting so mad at myself! Jon put me on the treadmill for a few minuets to see if it would get my mind back in the game, but that only led to me feeling sick to my stomach and almost having a panic attack! I had told him why I was so upset so he was pretty understanding about it. We kept going and he didn’t push me too hard.

I had a great calorie burn, and like I said I am super sore today. But I can’t say it was because I had a great workout, it was because I was so anxious and probably so tense that while doing the exercises it was hurting my body. I also didn’t stretch as much as I should have, and I know I didn’t drink enough water. Needless to say alot of it is behind me know and I am just hoping to get out for a walk between rain showers today.

In good news I stepped on the scale today and was down a pound. I have to say it is taking a long time for the weight to come off. I feel good for the most part though, and on Tuesday we are rechecking my body fat percentage so I will be excited to report that progress. I has to have improved. I know I am strong and have more muscle than I did when I started.

Hope everyone is having a good Sunday!

Life has led me

Life had led me down many different roads. I have been a single child my whole life and that has made in impact. I was always kind of an “outsider” growing up, making very few life long friends. I chose to stay home to go to university, I had a huge falling out with my best friends only to become closer with them in the end. I found the man of my dreams and our relationship is wonderful. We have a house and a cat and plan to have kids someday. All of my choices have led me to this. I have a great job, and I am truly happy when I put everything together.

I didn’t choose for my Mom to die, there was no choice, I just had to deal and move on. And without tooting my own horn I feel I am doing a pretty good job. However the events that have happened with my family since Mom’s death has led me to increased stress and I have felt the need to start a private blog, so if you would like to be helpful and give advice leave your e-mail and I’ll add you, or e-mail me at holly_sarah  @ Hotmail.com.

Thanks for reading!

Alone in my Head

Hubby got a promotion at work a few weeks ago. It so great that he got a promotion, and it’s great that all the management love him at work, he has even been told more promotions are in his future! The down fall of the new position is the new hours. Dean now has to work some evenings and closes. With the different hours comes more alone time for me, which poses a problem.

So what is wrong with alone time? During the day really nothing, I tend to be productive and get things done, but in the evenings there is less to do. First of all I don’t like being in the house after dark by myself. I know that is kind of stupid, and I do feel safe, I just get anxious and imagine all kinds of crazy things. The other reason I don’t like being alone is the thoughts that go through my head after  too long. I think about everything and normally end up in tears or getting mad at myself for how this always happens.

I used to think about my lifestyle and how unhealthy I was. I would get frustrated at myself and what I would eat, or the fact that I would be sitting on my butt on the couch. I used to think of what was going on in my life and how I could change it, I felt hopeless. Now I have my Mom to add to that. I am coping well but also often get surges of emotion. Plus my grandfather isn’t doing so well, or my aunt for that matter. I have alot in my head right now and it’s alot of stuff I want to get off my chest but don’t feel comfortable sharing on the blog. I do write some of it in a journal, but alot of it just gets shoved to the back of my mind.

Until of course I am alone to think about it. To distract myself I usually end up doing random things that aren't really productive. I am hoping that blogging about this will help me get some of my anxiety out and I will feel better. I am also using this opportunity to take up time before it’s off to bed! So my question to you is;

Do you  have a private blog to get your thoughts out?

Rhubarb Ramblings.

Well, unfortunately I am not much of a picture taker and totally forgot to take pictures of the Rhubarb Crisp I made yesterday. I had a good haul of rhubarb that we brought home from PEI on Sunday and part of my day yesterday involved cutting it up and freezing it!

I Managed to get four, 4 Cup bags in the freezer and have been looking for different recipes to use it in. Dean’s grandparents had a huge patch and I am wondering if it is able to be transplanted sometime so I can always have some in my yard too. Although I have never used it much before I know it is tasty and there is lots you can do with it.

What is your favourite rhubarb recipe?

Yesterday marked a day to remember for me. I ran for 3 minuets on the treadmill! I am doing a couch to 5K program that is a bit different from the other one I had done in the past. Yesterday marked my first day doing a walk for 2 minuets and run for 3, repeated times five. I slowed my pace down and completed it all. I was tired and a bit tight, but I did it and I didn’t feel like I was over whelmed. My plan is to increase my pace for the next two runs to get back up to the pace I was running at when doing 3:2 intervals. Today at the gym Jon had me running at 5.1, another benchmark for me. I was doing 2:2 intervals and I started running at 4.8 for the first moving up all the way to 5.1. I was a sweaty mess and at the last set I really thought I was going to have to stop, but I did it and felt great at the end. I know I often grumble about not losing the weight or seeing inches falling off but the fact that I can now run for 3 minuets and that I can run at 5.1 are truly inspiring for me. I have hope now that I will be able to do a 5K race someday!

We added to Dean’s appliance collection today! When we were in PEI Deans grandmother had her bread machine on the go, it smelled so good that I agreed to buy one when we got home. So we went out and bought this one from Canadian Tire. It was on sale and I told Dean if we end up using it alot we can upgrade to a better one someday. I’ll admit I am a little afraid of how much I might end up liking home made bread and might go a little carb crazy, but everything in moderation right? If I do completely fall in love with this bread I will need to let something else go to fit it into my calorie allowance. I am most excited to make cinnamon raisin bread once we get the ingredients!

I have one more thing to share this evening that I am very sad to report. I have tweeted about how I love the smell of my lilac tree when I am sitting out on my back deck. Well because of all this rain I think it may be ending before it’s time. It sure is taking a beating! I managed to get this great picture of it on the weekend, and I am hoping it will still be around for this weekend.

 

Hope everyone is having a good week, I know I am!

Busy Weekend, Lot’s of thoughts!

Wow, it truly is amazing how fast time goes. This week has been a whirlwind of activity and emotions. I am truly wiped out but wanted to put some of my thoughts in writing.

Yesterday we took a road trip to PEI to visit Dean’s grandparents. We went with thoughts of dread and didn’t really want to make the trip. Long story short is they didn’t go to our wedding and we have been holding a grudge. At first our visit was somewhat awkward. We didn’t have alot to say and we are so very different I didn’t even know what to begin a conversation about. But after a while we had a good conversations going. His grandmother started showing me things that she was making (she is a great quilter) and even gave me a table runner she made. We also took a trip to see Deans great aunt and uncle. We stayed for supper, even though we hadn’t planed on it and truly enjoyed out time. Honestly when it was time to leave I was almost sad. None of my remaining grandparents are really “grandparenty”. Dean’s grandparents are your stereotypical grandparents.  I could never go for a walk with my grandparents around their gardens, they could never cook for me, and I will never be getting something they make. My grandparents are all unwell, weather it be mentally or physically and I’ve realized that we were missing out on a good relationship with Deans only set of grandparents. While we won’t be able to visit them often we will be able to every few months and I think I will make that effort. Not only did I actually enjoy my time with them, but PEI has alot to offer that I have never really explored.

The weekend weather was beautiful and we spent alot of it outside, I even got a little sun burn. I wish that we could have more sun, but we all need a little rain once in a while, and I would rather it be on days that I work, which looks like it will be this week. One thing I wish I could do was get out and be more active in the sun. I really want to get my bike out, but for some reason I am nervous about looking dumb or not being able to do it. I know I should just do it, but it is hard for me to not feel like I will be laughed at or something. These are the games my mind plays… stupid mind games. 

I have been taking a class through work and had to work on the final (and only) assignment today. I have found the class challenging to find time for outside of it. While it hasn’t been difficult I have learned that I don’t miss school at all. I have often thought about going back to school one day, but this class alone has shown that I may not have it in me. I do not  have the desire to work full time and study and I think people who dedicate themselves to taking a classes while working must have a lot of discipline. 

Wow that turned out to be alot in my head. Stay tuned for a post on Rhubarb!