Waiting

There are many things I have learned about being pregnant. One of those things is that pregnancy is all about waiting. First you wait to find out you are pregnant. Then you wait for the morning sickness to pass, and for your clothes to stop fitting. You wait for the first signs of movement. Then by the time you get further along you are just waiting for the baby to make it’s appearance.

But there is other waiting too. Waiting at the Doctors office, waiting to pee at the doctors office. Two weeks ago I waited for 2 hours to see my doctor, today wasn’t so bad, only about half an hour. Its a pain in the behind when the actual appointment only takes 5 – 10 minuets. Over all I do find that the medical care we get here in Canada very good. Maybe even over the top. I have seen my doctors more through the last 7  months of my pregnancy than I think I have in my life time, monthly then bi-weekly appointments, and soon weekly appointments. Its not like they do too much, I pee in a cup I get weight, they measure my belly check my blood pressure ask if I have any questions and I am out the door.

So more waiting continues, waiting to have my next appointment, waiting for the next baby kick, waiting for the baby to come. Waiting is just one more pregnancy joy!

What is “Best.”

Every one always says; “you need to do what is best for you”. But what does that really mean? Take a simple situation I am in right now; to keep working or to go off soon due to my pregnancy. Some people are saying it is best for me to go off so I don’t have so much stress, and my body can rest. Some people say it’s best I go off soon to get my head wrapped around being home and let go of work before I have baby. But is it best for me financially to go off work? Is it really best for me mentally? How do you know what is best?

This has  been a huge struggle for me; I really don’t know what is best for me. I enjoy my work; yes I find it exhausting and stressful, but I know being home I find myself unmotivated and get depressed easier. I am still capable of doing my job, so shouldn’t I keep doing it? My doctor hasn’t said I need to go off, so why should I? The financial stress of waiting for EI is one that is on my mind alot, so shouldn’t I keep making as much money as possible? I really don’t know what to do.

The same goes for so many situations. How will I know what is best for my baby, or me or Dean. How do you know what is right until you try and see? I know I want to be happy, and that means doing what I want, problem is I don’t know what I want! I go through so many thoughts each day around if I want to be off or keep working, in the end I just keep working because it is easier and I feel it is “best” for now. I will probably keep doing this until a day comes that I just can’t get my butt out of bed enough days in a row that I feel I should stop working. For me right now that is what is best I think… we shall wait and see!

A year ago…

A year ago my focus was so different than it is now.

A year ago I was focused on myself and didn’t appreciate what I had.

A year ago my mother died suddenly completely changing my life forever.

I could not read my post from when I announced Mom’s death. It is a copy of the eulogy Dean said at her funeral and I know if I go and read them I will upset myself and go right back to that day. It is very odd how some of my memories of those few weeks are so clear they could have happened yesterday, but some things are so blurry and muddled it still doesn't always feel real. I can say I have dealt with the whole ordeal better than I thought I would. No one ever knows how they will deal with situations until they happen. People think they are strong when they aren't or they think they will be a mess when they pull through. I always thought I would be a mess, but I did so much better than I thought I would. There is no question I still am sad and still am dealing with my grief, but I am in a good place.

I have looked back on my posts from the last year and while at times they were few and far between I have noticed a shift over the year which has actually made me happy. A year ago I was pretty much obsessed with my body image. I was always focused on losing weight and being “thinner.” Over the year I did focus on my health. I had a personal trainer and I was active. I was still struggling with my eating and binging. However I was enjoying life, I was not as focused on what I looked like because I knew I was benefiting my body anyway. While I haven't been very active while being pregnant I am so happy to be having my baby in June and plan on getting a walk in daily as much as possible. I live by Shubie park and have a great neighbourhood with sidewalks and side streets.

Looking back on the last year I have had a lot of emotional stress. Needless to say some of it came from Mom’s death, however my job plays a huge roll in that stress. I recognized that stress and took some time for myself in August/September. I still struggle with my emotional stress. I have to say I need to stay focused on this part of my life. I still have along way to go with my emotions. One of my biggest fears about having our baby is what my emotions are going to do with little sleep and being in a new situation. Of course there is mixed blessings with being off work with a baby. As I mentioned alot of my stress comes from work, so being off will help with that, and I plan to work on finding a way to deal with that stress. Another fear for me is that being home will be a detriment to my emotional health. When I spend a lot of time alone I tend to do worse. I hope having a baby will give me more to work towards, and I have been trying to get myself organized when it comes to meal planning and keeping an organized house.

Over the past year I have definitely had alot happen, I have had alot of struggles but I truly feel even though I have a ways to go on dealing with some things I am stronger and a better person now than I was a year ago. I have one person to thank for helping me though this; my amazing husband Dean. I know if it wasn’t for him, I would be struggling alot more than I am now and who knows where I would have gone.

I love you Dean.

I miss you Mom.

Fingers crossed!

I am happy to say I am feeling better… for the past week I have been sick, not being able to take any cold medication was a real pain. I am definitely thankful for modern medicine now and am hoping not to have any more colds this season.

I have met the Doctor who will see me through the rest of my pregnancy. What I don’t understand is why I had to be passed off in the first place and she will not be the one who delivers the baby. Oh well, such is the case. I don’t know how I felt about her. I know she certainty wasn’t too keen on me going off work early. I can go off anytime now if I take some sick EI first, but she didn’t seem to think that was a good idea. While physically I am still able to do my job my stress level is very high and I don’t think that is good for the baby. But I guess if it becomes too much I can just go to my regular doctor and she can put me off.

I don’t want to jinx myself but I think I may have finally found some motivation. While off sick Tuesday I spent the morning making a meal plan and a cleaning schedule. The meal plan includes lots of meals that will make leftover since Dean isn’t home for supper alot anymore. As for the cleaning schedule it may sound funny to some but for me it is what keeps me going. I need lists to check off to keep motivated and want to get things done. The hard thing will be getting Dean on board with my lists. He can just get things done without really thinking about them, but me I really need lists and specific tasks, other wise I find I just sit on my butt.

So hears hoping I can stay on top of everything, I feel pretty good about it right now, but only time will tell!

Thinking it all out…

I think I might finally be able to get some thoughts out in writing. My head has been very full the past few days and I just feel very overwhelmed.

There are alot of things going on in my life, the biggest is probably work. I have been waiting for the day I can go off work, but I don’t know when that will be. I can go off of work the end of this month, but money wise it probably isn’t the best idea. I am still capable of work physically, but mentally I am wiped out. I also don’t have alot of sick time left and with lots of appointments I will start not getting paid for my sick days. I could also probably drop down and work 4 days a week, that would be more money than EI. So I don’t know what the best thing to do is.

When it comes to figuring that out I meet with my new doctor next Monday – the one who will be delivering my baby. I am hoping she can give us some insight about when the best time to be off is. I am also anxious about meeting the new doc. I just started a relationship with my regular one and now I need to start all over again. I am pretty critical when it comes to doctors and what they should do. I guess it comes from working with them.

The one thing about being off work that won’t be an advantage is being home alone. I do not deal well with being alone alot. I tend to get into my thoughts too much and end up not being productive. I need to find a sense of motivation and get into a routine. Its really not easy for me and I am really scared it will end up badly.

I am really not sure how much of this makes sense, I just know that it feels better getting some of it out. I really want to feel motivation to get things done around the house, I want to feel like I have a routine and I need to feel like a good wife/mother. I guess the question is how do I do that?

Outside Looking In

I had a hard time writing this post, finding the right words to express how I feel, I still don’t even know if what I want to say is still all here, but it get alot out.

I don’t have alot of friends, in fact I could probably count the number of friends I have on one hand. I have people I talk to at work, but I would never be out with them outside of work. I spend most of my time at work, or at home. I socialize with very few people outside of work, and most of the time I like it that way. But lately I have felt very alone. I think some of it is because of the coming baby. I am realizing how few people I have to rely on. As I realize my nights alone are coming to an end I feel like I should be getting out and doing things, probably is I have no friends to do it with. Dean works almost every weekend and with only a few people left on that list of friends my options are slim.

Realizing this makes me miss my Mom alot. She was one person I could always call to talk to or make plans with. I don’t have anyone I feel just calling. I am so frustrated and feeling so down and alone. I truly don’t mean to be having a pity party but it does sort of sound that way.

My whole life I have never had very many friends. I guess I could always say I was liked in a group, but I always felt like I was outside looking in, never really included. I know I am partly to blame, I don’t include myself alot. I don’t make a huge effort to be around people, it’s one thing I would like to change. But how do you change a way of life you have been living since you were little?

I don’t like loud people who are always putting in, and I feel that may be the only way to become involved. I am shy and don’t share alot at first, some people may take it as me being a snob, but really I just don’t think people want to know all about my life with hubby and the cats, I have gone out with new friends a few times and have always enjoyed myself. But then I always over think things and feel as though I said or did something that made someone mad. I again make myself feel like I am on the outside looking in.

Well I think that is all I have to say… Thank you to those who are my friends, and those who try to be too.

Bucket List

Well I did it, I completed a bucket list. I really wanted to sit down and think of some things I wanted to accomplish in life. Usually when I think of things I want to do I don’t come up with much. I am a pretty low key person who is generally happy sitting at home with a good book or a TV show. I don’t want alot of clothes I don’t collect anything that costs alot of money. I do not consider myself materialistic at all. So when wanting to create a bucket list what did I do? I consulted Google. One of the first hits was this link. It was great to sit down and feel like I have things to accomplish. You can view my bucket list above.

That is one of my biggest frustrations; feeling like I am not accomplishing things in my life. When I am at work I have a list of tasks that is every changing, old things getting crossed off and new things feeling added. I feel accomplished crossing things off that list. But at home I feel like I have nothing to strive for, I feel like the old things I used to enjoy are almost as waste of time because they are not productive. Dean and I have been having alot of conversations around this. For me I am not sure if some of it is a lack of motivation, a depression or just a “funk”. What I do know is that I want to get organized and start feeling “accomplished” before baby gets here. I have to be honest I am still working on my definition of what accomplished is for me.

And speaking of baby, I had my monthly check up today. I am happy to report I gained the weight the doctor wanted me too. I am not back up to my pre-pregnancy weight, with 18 weeks to go I can only hope I don’t start gaining too much weight. The heart beat was 144 again – it has consistently been that except the first time we heard it (162). One thing I am not happy about is the fact that I now have to change doctors, my family doc does not deliver babies so I will be referred to a doc at the IWK. My only hope is that they will be as calm and informed as my regular doc.

It’s back to work tomorrow for me, but a 4 day week, and another 4 day week next week as well! Hope everyone has a great week!

What have I been up to?

Well growing a baby is a big one. I am feeling much better now then I was in October. I am now 22 weeks pregnant and very excited and anxious to have a little baby in my arms! We have decided not to find out the sex of the baby but will be going to 3DMiricles for a Heart Beat Bear. We had our first ultrasound not too long ago and that was exciting. The best part was finding out that there was only one baby in there!

We had started our nursery in October, but have just officially “finished” it yesterday.

Before

 

After

The only thing I have left to do is recover the cushions to the rocking chair. That was my Mom’s rocking chair that has been around forever, it is still comfy, just needs a little love.

And speaking of my Mom we had our first Christmas without her. It was a bit rough, but not as hard as I had thought. Being pregnant has had alot of ups and downs thinking about Mom. My Dad is doing fairly well, he just lost a brother the beginning of this month which was a bit difficult for everyone. Reality is if people would eat well and exercise they would live longer and less people would die of massive heart attacks. I feel kind of hypocritical saying that because my exercise has been pretty low, but Dean and I plan to get right back into it once baby is here. We are going to join a complex with a pool and I am super excited about swimming and getting my baby used to the water!

I really hope to blog a bit more now. I had alot of stress in my life after finding out I was pregnant and work and the holidays. But now my stress level is lower, and I also know that blogging and writing things out will help my stress level. I have been working on getting more organized and finding some joy in my life. I was feeling like I was just sitting like a bump on a log for a long time and I really want to become more active with doing things I enjoy and getting used to being busy.

Well that’s it for now, I am glad to be back to blogging and getting some thought out in writing I hope to keep it up with some interesting things in my life.

What’s the good news?

I have been trying to think of how to write this blog post. It’s not easy and I really don’t know why. So I will just say it.

I’m Pregnant!

We are truly excited by this, we have alot of anxiety and fear. We are both only children from small families and don’t have alot of experience with babies. But we are very happy!

I have been feeling pretty crappy. The exhaustion I feel is nothing like everything I ever felt before. And I have been nauseated almost all the time. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

We are going to be parents and cannot wait!

Happy 2nd Anniversary!

Wow, I feel like time just flies by sometimes. Hubby and I have been married for 2 years! We have had a pretty good week. We went out to dinner and we spent the day shopping. We didn’t buy anything just shopped around. I am blessed to have a husband who loves me and I am also blessed that Mom got to share my wedding day with me.

 

I am back to work Monday, I am excited to go back and get a routine going again. I have gained alot of perspective and I think I found what is really important. I have set some goals for myself and also discovered some things I love again.

The rest of the week will involved getting some lunches made and relaxing. I might get my hair cut, and I might go buy some new clothes, but for the most part I will be relaxing at home with my hubby!

Guilt… Lots of guilt

So I have been doing this whole thing where I am working on my self, health and emotions. Dad is coming to visit tomorrow and I have had Mom’s camera at my place and he wants it back. So I thought I would take the pictures off it, that is why I had it in the first place.

Enter guilt trip extraordinaire! I found what I believe is the last picture that was taken of my Mom. What makes me so sad and guilty is that I was there and I refused being in the picture. I could have had a chance to be in that photo, Mom asked me to be in that photo, and I was being to petty and stupid and said no.

My cousin, mother and grandmother. 3 generations just not the right ones. I should have been in that picture. The worst of it is that it also made me realize that I will never have a 3 generation picture with my mom. I have one with my great grandmother, even though she passed away when I was only a baby,

The other thing I realized is that I have changed alot in the last 6 months. Things that used to be so important are really stupid and petty. Life is more important than being mad about people being late or what you have for a holiday dinner.

What I now know is that I have to take as many opportunities as I can to spend time with my father and other family, I need to remember the time spent and not how it is spent but that it is spent with family, friends, and being happy.

I miss Mom everyday, some days are harder than others, Today was a rough one, I can’ only hope that tomorrow will be better.

Six Months, Ups & Downs.

  Wow, first off it’s hard to believe that it’s been 6 months since my mom passed away. I have certainly had some ups and downs. When Mom passed away I almost immediately decided to change my lifestyle for the better. We joined the gym and I was eating better, I was finding stress relief in the gym and for a long time was feeling good. Then about 6 – 8 weeks ago things started to slip. Alot in my life was causing me stress and anxiety and I really was not coping well at all. Some people would say that I entered the “depression” stage of my grief, and maybe that was true, but I think alot of it was that I lost myself and started focusing on other people instead of myself. I have this time off to rediscover who I want to be and I talked last time about setting goals and finding what I want in life. While I am now officially registered for the Valley Harvest 5K. Dean registered  us yesterday and I honestly had thoughts of doubt and fear while he was doing it. But we went to the gym yesterday and I ran for 11 minuets straight and I also managed to walk/run 2 miles in 26 minuets… not to shabby. Dean is planning on doing the 1/2 marathon and this morning we set up a training schedule for him and finalized mine as well. It is real now!

The past few days have been pretty good, although I have had Dean home with me and that has alot to do with it. Saturday we went on a hike with Lynn and Jason. It was along the Crowbar Trail with great views and lots of incline! It was a great way to burn some calories and spend time with friends. There is a longer trail that I would love to go back to do next spring.

Yesterday Dean spend the day in the kitchen after our trip to the gym, he made stock, pasta sauce and barbeque sauce. I love that my husband would rather have homemade things than going out the store to buy it, and that he makes it himself. We have not bought pasta sauce since moving into our house, we also have not bought store made bread since buying out bread maker a few months ago, I don’t know how much money we save, but I can only think that we do, plus the real things are healthier and have less chemicals in them.

Today I stepped on the scale, it is slowly climbing back up. So I decided to track my food again and today was the starting point. I really am not focusing so much on losing weight, more on getting enough protein/iron in and having a balanced day. I do have it set to lose 1/2 pound per week but really I just want to feel good. If you feel good you look good!

Hope everyone is having a great Labour Day!

Re thinking the process

It has been a while since I blogged, I have stayed caught up on everyone else though.

I have had to take some time off work. Between work, and life I was not in a good state. I was crying almost everyday and a ball of nerves at work. I have realized somewhere in the last six weeks I stopped making myself a priority. After Mom died I made the decision to be healthy and make myself the most important thing. With Dad coming home, work being busy and other family crap I lost sight of myself. I stopped eating well I stopped being active, always finding the excuses that i have used my whole life; “I am to busy”, “It’s too nice out”, “I will tomorrow”. I have to find some goals, both short term and long term and I need to make a plan to follow through. I need to work on managing my stress and anxiety. I need to find healthy ways to deal with my guilt and grief. My doctor has been very helpful making me realize that taking two weeks off when Mom first passed away was no where near enough. That is why I have this time off now.

The one thing I have kept up is my personal training, I did miss a few sessions but overall that has been my only real activity in the past few weeks. However today I achieved a huge milestone for me… I ran at 5.0 for ten minuets. I have never done that before! I am extremely pleased with this, but at the time my trainer was very honest… I can be better, I can do better. He has noticed I have not been committed to this one-hundred percent. I haven't been, I haven't hit the gym unless it’s been to see John. I haven't been walking as much as I could be, I haven't had the energy to tell the truth, and I need to fight though this and just do it!

So one thing I need to work on are some goals. I have really never had alot of goals I have wanted. I don’t dream big, I grew up with little and don’t take what I have for granted. I am a homebody and would rather have movie marathons on the couch then go on a trip. However I need something to work towards in life or else I will end up feeling like I didn’t accomplish anything. I want to focus on a few areas in my life; active living, organization/home life, adventure/new thing, and personal upkeep.

My first goal is to run the Valley Harvest 5K. My trainer feels this is totally do-able and after running for 10 minuets I do to. I have found a 5 week training program that starting Monday I will stick to! As for goals go, I also have 2 passes to try hot yoga, and I have joined up for a Zumba class.

I also plan to book a massage and get a pedicure, eye brow wax and hair cut. We also are planning a night away, just not sure where yet. I also plan to get back into blogging, I find it is very helpful for me to write down how I feel and what I want to plan. I can lay things out here and see where I should be going.

I leave you with a picture that I took on my road trip with Lynn.

Crazy go round!

Well I have had another crazy week. However it has been very good in alot of respects. I am just happy it’s a three day weekend!

I have made it back to the gym. Sunday I hit the gym and just took it easy for my first day back, Monday thought I hit the treadmill for a run and ouch… I was some sore after but all the good sore that comes with working out. Tuesday I hit up my first personal training session in 2 weeks. That was also painful, but all in the good way. I am so glad that I can almost easily slide back into my workout routine after being off for two weeks!

Eating has also been pretty good. I rocked Monday and Tuesday, but did have a downfall Wednesday and Thursday. It’s that time for me where my hormones are yelling at me to eat. But it’s all tracked and accounted for. One feature I love about My Fitness Pal on the IPod is that it shows your average net calories. I use this as my guide to tell me how my week is going. I know one day can do damage but in the run of a week if it’s only one day, I can live with that. The trick to living a healthy lifestyle is allowing yourself to splurge every once in a while. If I didn’t do that I would go crazy.

Earlier this week Dean and I sat down and made some pretty big decisions about where our life is heading. I can’t go into too much detail right now but for the next while we will be focusing on sticking to our budget and living healthy. I feel like we have the living healthy almost down. But sticking to our budget is tricky sometimes. We have money for everything we need, but sometimes we tend to over spend all at once when we may not need to. But again having a life worth living sometimes involves splurges now and then.

Plans for the long weekend include a session with my trainer tomorrow, and housework, plus a trip to visit my Dad (he made it safe and sound back from Ont.) and hopefully an enjoyable evening on the back deck with Dean. He has been working opposite hours than me and I feel like I haven't seen him in a while so I am looking forward to spending the weekend with him!

What are your plans for the long weekend? Whatever they may be hope everyone stays safe!

Plan A vs. Plan B

Wow I have had a really rough week. After my vacation post I had all these posts in my head lined up, but due to my injured shoulder my whole game plan for the week fell though.

See I am really good at coming up with a plan for the week/month ect. I am really good at making lists and schedules. I have a to-do list constantly on the go at work and it’s how I get things done. Unfortunately I very seldom have a back up plan. I do not like things out of my normal or that are unplanned. This leads to stress/anxiety and over all me not getting anything accomplished.

I had planned to get back to the gym Wednesday but after having the Nurse Practitioner at work look at my shoulder she said to keep away from activity for 5 – 7 days at least. It is feeling 100% better now and my plan is to head to the gym right after breakfast tomorrow. But the point was that with my gym plans ruined I ended up coming home and sitting on my ass doing nothing. It also for some reason led to me eating just as bad as when I was on vacation. With all the bad food and lack of exercise I have ended up with built up emotions that poured over today leaving me physically and emotionally drained. I need to find a way to always have a back up plan. This is something I will be putting alot of thought into. So with that said I have a well formulated plan for the upcoming week.

• Meals are planned and healthy food is in the house.
• I will be hard boiling some eggs tomorrow as well as cooking some chicken breasts for salads and such.
• I plan to hit the gym up 5 days this week, including going back to my trainer for 2 sessions.
• Track everything that goes into my mouth with an attempt to keep it at 1200 calories (but allowing my self my normal 1580)
• Take some progress pictures and measurements.

Also this week my Dad comes home for good! He works away and has finally left and will be coming home to the house and all his family. I am a little anxious about this because it will mean a huge change in our relationship but it also means more support for each of us.

Well I feel better now that my plan is all out there. Hopefully it will be a good week and I can follow though, and if I can’t I can find ways to modify my plans to keep with a healthy lifestyle, which is always in the back of my mind… even if it doesn't show.

Vacation 2011

Wow it’s been a while since I blogged. Part of it was due to a lovely vacation we went on. I unplugged for the most part and relaxed while we camped at Dollar Lake. We had a great time relaxing, even in the rain! Here is a tour of our humble abode.

This was our campsite, we had gotten a new camping set this year and it was great.

 

 

 

 

            

 

 

 

 

Our “bedroom” our “kitchen” and our “living room/dining room” I have to say a few words about our kitchen. It was a Christmas gift from Mom two years ago and I found it very useful with a sink and storage for dishes and food. We even had a visitor squirrel stuck in our tent and had a nice swim in the lake. I was so glad to get away and I am so relaxed when I came back and feel relaxed and rejuvenated.

While on vacation we also saw a few movies and celebrated Deans birthday by going to dinner at Niche. Dean also got dessert on the house, Baily’s Mint Cheesecake!

I am now ready to go back to work and get back on track. I am however suffering from a shoulder pain. I am not sure what has caused it but a trip to the doctor is in the near future!

Hope everyone has a healthy fun week!

Shred Away

I am having a hard time right now. But not with the “normal” stuff. I am eating pretty good. I am exercising pretty good. But still find my self emotionally in a rut. I can definitely chalk some of it up to PMS. And I am sure some of it is from being stuck in work 38 degree weather (we have no air circulation at all!). And still I would like could probably blame some of it on the date yesterday (4 months since Mom passed away). I know all these reasons as to why I am not emotionally all together right now, but I feel like none of them are the “right” reasons. I feel like it’s something else entirely.

I go on vacation next week and we are going camping for 4 nights. I am so excited to be getting away. But honestly part of me is scared I will undo alot of my success in that amount of time. Is that ridiculous? I really don’t know. I find self motivation a hard thing for me and always have. I am really hopeful that I will swim alot, that we will walk alot, that I will not want to eat alot of junk.

I am happy to say that I did something today I haven't done in a while. I had full intentions of going to the gym after work today. My bag was packed and in the car. But I had a pretty ugly day at work and really just wanted to come home, so I did. But as I was sitting looking at Twitter and thinking about what to do a thought crossed my mind… I could do 30 Day shred. And after thinking it I did it. For me this was huge. I often think of things I could do, run out side, ride my bike, but I never do them. I never get up the motivation to just do it. And today I did.

But the best part… I was able to do it all without a break… something that has never happened!

Canada Day Weekend 2011

Happy Canada Day weekend everyone, hope everyone had a safe and happy long weekend. The weather here was amazing and my weekend was spent with friends, having alot of fun.

Friday we had a BBQ. Lynn wrote a great post on it with pictures and all of my pictures are pretty much the same. We headed out after a few drinks on the patio to walk down to the fireworks. We were really disappointed because they were not set off at the same place as last year so we had a building in the way.

 

This was the best picture I got, and there were only maybe 3 other fireworks that made it over the building. So we walked back home, totally close to 11 km with a huge hill at the end. Over all thought is was a good day full of laughs and fun.

Yesterday Dean and I did some shopping. Actually I was looking for a bathing suit. I hate bathing suit shopping! However I did find one that suites me ok. But you may never see me in it! We shall see. We also finished up most of our camping shopping and now have everything we need… I don’t know if it will all fit in the car but we have it anyway. Last evening Dean worked and I spent the time watching girly movies. It was relaxing and I was happy to have some time to myself.

Today wrapped up my long weekend beautifully. This morning I headed out with some lovely ladies for a walk around Lake Banook and coffee. We went to Two if By Sea. It was my first time there and I have only heard good things about it. I got a Chia Latte and a Chocolate Croissant.

It was good, and so filling I couldn’t finish it. We headed back to the cars after alot of chatting and totalled around 5Km. It was a lovely day and I had never walked completely around the lake before so it was very enjoyable and didn’t even seem like exercise.

 

Tonight we are ended the weekend with another BBQ. Dean is cooking up some chicken breasts for me to make lunches with and I am planning a healthy week of salads and exercise!

8  more working days until I go on vacation!!

It’s in the inches.

So finally some progress! I have had a pretty good week overall. Ups and downs of course but that is just life.

Work has been a bit stressful lately. Emotions have been running high with the death of a patient and the heat has gotten other patients a bit wacky. I of course have been running around and with a 4 day week this week and then only 6 working days left until I go off on vacation I am trying to get everything done!

I have a great NSV to report! I went to Value Village on Saturday and was looking for jeans in the 13/14 section, I tried on a total of 9 pairs, all but 2 were too big! Next time I will be hitting the 11/12 section! I really would like a new pair of jeans but really don’t want to spend the money if they are not going to fit me in a few months. I know that shouldn’t be an excuse. Honestly I probably use that too much to avoid shopping, but used clothes are just as good most of the time.

I have been really trying to watch what I have been eating in regards to carb and protein intake. I adjusted my ration on MFP to have more protein, but I am finding it extremely hard to get it all in, and to keep my carbs down at the same time. A interesting thing happened on Sunday though. Dean made a loaf of white bread. I wasn’t hungry but had a small piece to try it. After that I was starving for 2 hours! That really showed me how much carbs influence my hunger and my eating. I will be trying to slowly make the switch to whole wheat's. Over all my intake has been pretty good though, trying to make the right choices has been easy.

Last but not least is the fact that yesterday at my training session I had my measurements done. The good news is that I lost inches from everywhere on my body, and almost 5 from my waist alone. My arms and thighs are now equal in size, and my bust and hips are shrinking too. Learning that I have made progress in the size department really gave me some motivation to keep going. I may not be losing it in weight, but I know things are changing.

Hope everyone has a safe, active Canada Day Weekend! My plans include a 5K walk to the fireworks and some relaxing on the deck!

Sometimes things don’t add up.

In March my life changed. In March I was at a point where I had no energy. In March I felt like the world was going to break me. I could barely go up my three flights of stairs and I ate enough most days for two people. I got a rude awakening when my Mom, 120lbs passed away due to her poor lifestyle.

I have been faithfully going to the gym since April. I have been tracking my food since April. I have been seeing my personal trainer twice a week since April. I was 39% body fat and 182lbs in April (based on trainer’s scale in the afternoon)

April

May

June

3 months later and I feel better physically. I have more confidence. I feel my stress level is lower. I manage my stress better. I am stronger. I challenge myself more. I ran for 5 minuets at 5.0 on the treadmill! I am now 38% body fat and weigh 180lbs.

Can you say frustrated? I can. After my reassessment my trainer asked me about my eating habits. He wants a copy of a week of food records and says by the sound of it I am not eating enough protein and I am eating too many carbs. This is probably true. I know as much as I track pretty much everything that goes in my mouth I still don’t eat well. I eat too much junk, I eat most of what I burn at the gym. I drink a bit too much wine on the weekends?? No, not too much wine.

I feel so much better, but I still have a long way to go. I need to get my eating in control, and now. While I know all my blood tests came back good I feel like I can still be doing damage. Anyone on MyFitnessPal can take a look at my diary and maybe give me some help on what to do. I am at a loss. I still want to balance good eating with treats, something I am finding very hard to do.

Honestly after the week I have had finding out I have made such little progress was pretty upsetting, but after cooling down I am not going to let this stop me, I will find a way to lead a healthy lifestyle and get rid of this body fat!