It’s in the inches.

So finally some progress! I have had a pretty good week overall. Ups and downs of course but that is just life.

Work has been a bit stressful lately. Emotions have been running high with the death of a patient and the heat has gotten other patients a bit wacky. I of course have been running around and with a 4 day week this week and then only 6 working days left until I go off on vacation I am trying to get everything done!

I have a great NSV to report! I went to Value Village on Saturday and was looking for jeans in the 13/14 section, I tried on a total of 9 pairs, all but 2 were too big! Next time I will be hitting the 11/12 section! I really would like a new pair of jeans but really don’t want to spend the money if they are not going to fit me in a few months. I know that shouldn’t be an excuse. Honestly I probably use that too much to avoid shopping, but used clothes are just as good most of the time.

I have been really trying to watch what I have been eating in regards to carb and protein intake. I adjusted my ration on MFP to have more protein, but I am finding it extremely hard to get it all in, and to keep my carbs down at the same time. A interesting thing happened on Sunday though. Dean made a loaf of white bread. I wasn’t hungry but had a small piece to try it. After that I was starving for 2 hours! That really showed me how much carbs influence my hunger and my eating. I will be trying to slowly make the switch to whole wheat's. Over all my intake has been pretty good though, trying to make the right choices has been easy.

Last but not least is the fact that yesterday at my training session I had my measurements done. The good news is that I lost inches from everywhere on my body, and almost 5 from my waist alone. My arms and thighs are now equal in size, and my bust and hips are shrinking too. Learning that I have made progress in the size department really gave me some motivation to keep going. I may not be losing it in weight, but I know things are changing.

Hope everyone has a safe, active Canada Day Weekend! My plans include a 5K walk to the fireworks and some relaxing on the deck!

Sometimes things don’t add up.

In March my life changed. In March I was at a point where I had no energy. In March I felt like the world was going to break me. I could barely go up my three flights of stairs and I ate enough most days for two people. I got a rude awakening when my Mom, 120lbs passed away due to her poor lifestyle.

I have been faithfully going to the gym since April. I have been tracking my food since April. I have been seeing my personal trainer twice a week since April. I was 39% body fat and 182lbs in April (based on trainer’s scale in the afternoon)

April

May

June

3 months later and I feel better physically. I have more confidence. I feel my stress level is lower. I manage my stress better. I am stronger. I challenge myself more. I ran for 5 minuets at 5.0 on the treadmill! I am now 38% body fat and weigh 180lbs.

Can you say frustrated? I can. After my reassessment my trainer asked me about my eating habits. He wants a copy of a week of food records and says by the sound of it I am not eating enough protein and I am eating too many carbs. This is probably true. I know as much as I track pretty much everything that goes in my mouth I still don’t eat well. I eat too much junk, I eat most of what I burn at the gym. I drink a bit too much wine on the weekends?? No, not too much wine.

I feel so much better, but I still have a long way to go. I need to get my eating in control, and now. While I know all my blood tests came back good I feel like I can still be doing damage. Anyone on MyFitnessPal can take a look at my diary and maybe give me some help on what to do. I am at a loss. I still want to balance good eating with treats, something I am finding very hard to do.

Honestly after the week I have had finding out I have made such little progress was pretty upsetting, but after cooling down I am not going to let this stop me, I will find a way to lead a healthy lifestyle and get rid of this body fat!

A day at home.

Well today ended up being a sick day for me. Last evening I knew I just was in no emotional state of mind to work. So I relaxed with a glass of wine while we listened to music.

This morning I was glad that I had decided to call in sick because I was still so sore from the gym that I could barely move. I made great protein smoothies for breakfast hoping to get my muscles repaired. Then we headed out to run some errands. We were on a mission to get some shelving for our cats room. Ok really we use it as a store room, but the cats have their litter box, food and a chair in there. I mean look at Rosie, how does she not deserve her own room?

So after we obtained our shelves we also got Dean a drill, he was complaining about not having alot of power tools and this would make his job easier. With the shelves assembled we put stuff away. Now there is alot more room to stock up during our Costco trips!

While Dean was making supper I decided to roam around the yard and see how my garden was doing. I am guilty of not taking care of my gardens. We have trimmed out hedges our front and I did weed in the beginning of the summer. Back in May I bought five plants and planted them where I thought they would do good. Turns out the Hosta’s that were already planted took over and covered up my plants. So I thought they were dying. Well after uncovering them I discovered these:

There is one more plant that hasn’t bloomed yet, but it looks close. After digging out the plants I am now eager to decide what I want to do with my yard. I didn’t kill things, maybe I do have a green thumb!

After supper we went for a walk, and I am happy to report my back and legs are feeling much better. Back to work for me tomorrow and to the trainer. I am excited to get my progress checked and my head is back in the game!

Emotional Workout

Ugh, I am so sore today, and I cannot even say it is from a fantastic work out.

Yesterday I got some pretty emotional news and if I had of gotten it earlier I would have cancelled my training session. But I went, even though I was pretty emotional. I was warming up on the elliptical and I was almost in tears. I did seem to settle down a bit once Jon got me going, for a few minuets I even felt like my stress was going away. Then I got to the point where my body didn’t want to work. I was doing squats on the bosu and lunges and I just couldn’t do it. I felt like I was going to fall, like my hip joints were going to give out. My legs were shaking so bad, I was getting so mad at myself! Jon put me on the treadmill for a few minuets to see if it would get my mind back in the game, but that only led to me feeling sick to my stomach and almost having a panic attack! I had told him why I was so upset so he was pretty understanding about it. We kept going and he didn’t push me too hard.

I had a great calorie burn, and like I said I am super sore today. But I can’t say it was because I had a great workout, it was because I was so anxious and probably so tense that while doing the exercises it was hurting my body. I also didn’t stretch as much as I should have, and I know I didn’t drink enough water. Needless to say alot of it is behind me know and I am just hoping to get out for a walk between rain showers today.

In good news I stepped on the scale today and was down a pound. I have to say it is taking a long time for the weight to come off. I feel good for the most part though, and on Tuesday we are rechecking my body fat percentage so I will be excited to report that progress. I has to have improved. I know I am strong and have more muscle than I did when I started.

Hope everyone is having a good Sunday!

Life has led me

Life had led me down many different roads. I have been a single child my whole life and that has made in impact. I was always kind of an “outsider” growing up, making very few life long friends. I chose to stay home to go to university, I had a huge falling out with my best friends only to become closer with them in the end. I found the man of my dreams and our relationship is wonderful. We have a house and a cat and plan to have kids someday. All of my choices have led me to this. I have a great job, and I am truly happy when I put everything together.

I didn’t choose for my Mom to die, there was no choice, I just had to deal and move on. And without tooting my own horn I feel I am doing a pretty good job. However the events that have happened with my family since Mom’s death has led me to increased stress and I have felt the need to start a private blog, so if you would like to be helpful and give advice leave your e-mail and I’ll add you, or e-mail me at holly_sarah  @ Hotmail.com.

Thanks for reading!

Alone in my Head

Hubby got a promotion at work a few weeks ago. It so great that he got a promotion, and it’s great that all the management love him at work, he has even been told more promotions are in his future! The down fall of the new position is the new hours. Dean now has to work some evenings and closes. With the different hours comes more alone time for me, which poses a problem.

So what is wrong with alone time? During the day really nothing, I tend to be productive and get things done, but in the evenings there is less to do. First of all I don’t like being in the house after dark by myself. I know that is kind of stupid, and I do feel safe, I just get anxious and imagine all kinds of crazy things. The other reason I don’t like being alone is the thoughts that go through my head after  too long. I think about everything and normally end up in tears or getting mad at myself for how this always happens.

I used to think about my lifestyle and how unhealthy I was. I would get frustrated at myself and what I would eat, or the fact that I would be sitting on my butt on the couch. I used to think of what was going on in my life and how I could change it, I felt hopeless. Now I have my Mom to add to that. I am coping well but also often get surges of emotion. Plus my grandfather isn’t doing so well, or my aunt for that matter. I have alot in my head right now and it’s alot of stuff I want to get off my chest but don’t feel comfortable sharing on the blog. I do write some of it in a journal, but alot of it just gets shoved to the back of my mind.

Until of course I am alone to think about it. To distract myself I usually end up doing random things that aren't really productive. I am hoping that blogging about this will help me get some of my anxiety out and I will feel better. I am also using this opportunity to take up time before it’s off to bed! So my question to you is;

Do you  have a private blog to get your thoughts out?

Rhubarb Ramblings.

Well, unfortunately I am not much of a picture taker and totally forgot to take pictures of the Rhubarb Crisp I made yesterday. I had a good haul of rhubarb that we brought home from PEI on Sunday and part of my day yesterday involved cutting it up and freezing it!

I Managed to get four, 4 Cup bags in the freezer and have been looking for different recipes to use it in. Dean’s grandparents had a huge patch and I am wondering if it is able to be transplanted sometime so I can always have some in my yard too. Although I have never used it much before I know it is tasty and there is lots you can do with it.

What is your favourite rhubarb recipe?

Yesterday marked a day to remember for me. I ran for 3 minuets on the treadmill! I am doing a couch to 5K program that is a bit different from the other one I had done in the past. Yesterday marked my first day doing a walk for 2 minuets and run for 3, repeated times five. I slowed my pace down and completed it all. I was tired and a bit tight, but I did it and I didn’t feel like I was over whelmed. My plan is to increase my pace for the next two runs to get back up to the pace I was running at when doing 3:2 intervals. Today at the gym Jon had me running at 5.1, another benchmark for me. I was doing 2:2 intervals and I started running at 4.8 for the first moving up all the way to 5.1. I was a sweaty mess and at the last set I really thought I was going to have to stop, but I did it and felt great at the end. I know I often grumble about not losing the weight or seeing inches falling off but the fact that I can now run for 3 minuets and that I can run at 5.1 are truly inspiring for me. I have hope now that I will be able to do a 5K race someday!

We added to Dean’s appliance collection today! When we were in PEI Deans grandmother had her bread machine on the go, it smelled so good that I agreed to buy one when we got home. So we went out and bought this one from Canadian Tire. It was on sale and I told Dean if we end up using it alot we can upgrade to a better one someday. I’ll admit I am a little afraid of how much I might end up liking home made bread and might go a little carb crazy, but everything in moderation right? If I do completely fall in love with this bread I will need to let something else go to fit it into my calorie allowance. I am most excited to make cinnamon raisin bread once we get the ingredients!

I have one more thing to share this evening that I am very sad to report. I have tweeted about how I love the smell of my lilac tree when I am sitting out on my back deck. Well because of all this rain I think it may be ending before it’s time. It sure is taking a beating! I managed to get this great picture of it on the weekend, and I am hoping it will still be around for this weekend.

 

Hope everyone is having a good week, I know I am!

Busy Weekend, Lot’s of thoughts!

Wow, it truly is amazing how fast time goes. This week has been a whirlwind of activity and emotions. I am truly wiped out but wanted to put some of my thoughts in writing.

Yesterday we took a road trip to PEI to visit Dean’s grandparents. We went with thoughts of dread and didn’t really want to make the trip. Long story short is they didn’t go to our wedding and we have been holding a grudge. At first our visit was somewhat awkward. We didn’t have alot to say and we are so very different I didn’t even know what to begin a conversation about. But after a while we had a good conversations going. His grandmother started showing me things that she was making (she is a great quilter) and even gave me a table runner she made. We also took a trip to see Deans great aunt and uncle. We stayed for supper, even though we hadn’t planed on it and truly enjoyed out time. Honestly when it was time to leave I was almost sad. None of my remaining grandparents are really “grandparenty”. Dean’s grandparents are your stereotypical grandparents.  I could never go for a walk with my grandparents around their gardens, they could never cook for me, and I will never be getting something they make. My grandparents are all unwell, weather it be mentally or physically and I’ve realized that we were missing out on a good relationship with Deans only set of grandparents. While we won’t be able to visit them often we will be able to every few months and I think I will make that effort. Not only did I actually enjoy my time with them, but PEI has alot to offer that I have never really explored.

The weekend weather was beautiful and we spent alot of it outside, I even got a little sun burn. I wish that we could have more sun, but we all need a little rain once in a while, and I would rather it be on days that I work, which looks like it will be this week. One thing I wish I could do was get out and be more active in the sun. I really want to get my bike out, but for some reason I am nervous about looking dumb or not being able to do it. I know I should just do it, but it is hard for me to not feel like I will be laughed at or something. These are the games my mind plays… stupid mind games. 

I have been taking a class through work and had to work on the final (and only) assignment today. I have found the class challenging to find time for outside of it. While it hasn’t been difficult I have learned that I don’t miss school at all. I have often thought about going back to school one day, but this class alone has shown that I may not have it in me. I do not  have the desire to work full time and study and I think people who dedicate themselves to taking a classes while working must have a lot of discipline. 

Wow that turned out to be alot in my head. Stay tuned for a post on Rhubarb!

Eating Emotions

Well everything was going well. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were really good days. Then came Wednesday night when I found out a co-worker of mine passes away. This was a young woman (mid forties?) with two children under 20. Ugh, so not cool. I work in a big organization but when we lose someone in our department it shakes the whole place.

So Thursday came and I did pretty good at work. We were all upset but it was ok. Then I came home. I have made Thursdays my “rest day” and don’t usually head to the gym after work and we go grocery shopping in the evening. Well no more of that! I came home and ate my days worth of calories on junk. And the whole time I did it I knew I was eating due to stress/grief/anger. It was all emotional eating. I was so mad at myself and feeling so gross from eating so much. I know it’s a good thing that I recognized this. But I never know how to stop it. It’s like my body takes over and my mind is screaming not to go back to the cookie jar but I see myself doing it! Not really sure how to deal with that.

The unfortunate thing is that although it didn’t flow into Friday we did go out for supper. This is another problem for us. We tend to go out too often. I know this and not only is it unhealthy but it is a waste of money! So we have decided not to eat out until Dean’s birthday in July. That being said we know we will be when we go to PEI next weekend but that is it!

How Do you Deal with Emotional Eating??