Wednesday, October 26, 2011

What’s the good news?

I have been trying to think of how to write this blog post. It’s not easy and I really don’t know why. So I will just say it.

I’m Pregnant!

We are truly excited by this, we have alot of anxiety and fear. We are both only children from small families and don’t have alot of experience with babies. But we are very happy!

I have been feeling pretty crappy. The exhaustion I feel is nothing like everything I ever felt before. And I have been nauseated almost all the time. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

We are going to be parents and cannot wait!

Tuesday, September 13, 2011

Happy 2nd Anniversary!

Wow, I feel like time just flies by sometimes. Hubby and I have been married for 2 years! We have had a pretty good week. We went out to dinner and we spent the day shopping. We didn’t buy anything just shopped around. I am blessed to have a husband who loves me and I am also blessed that Mom got to share my wedding day with me.

 Holly's wedding spet 12 2009 030

I am back to work Monday, I am excited to go back and get a routine going again. I have gained alot of perspective and I think I found what is really important. I have set some goals for myself and also discovered some things I love again.

The rest of the week will involved getting some lunches made and relaxing. I might get my hair cut, and I might go buy some new clothes, but for the most part I will be relaxing at home with my hubby!

Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Guilt… Lots of guilt

So I have been doing this whole thing where I am working on my self, health and emotions. Dad is coming to visit tomorrow and I have had Mom’s camera at my place and he wants it back. So I thought I would take the pictures off it, that is why I had it in the first place.

Enter guilt trip extraordinaire! I found what I believe is the last picture that was taken of my Mom. What makes me so sad and guilty is that I was there and I refused being in the picture. I could have had a chance to be in that photo, Mom asked me to be in that photo, and I was being to petty and stupid and said no.


My cousin, mother and grandmother. 3 generations just not the right ones. I should have been in that picture. The worst of it is that it also made me realize that I will never have a 3 generation picture with my mom. I have one with my great grandmother, even though she passed away when I was only a baby,

The other thing I realized is that I have changed alot in the last 6 months. Things that used to be so important are really stupid and petty. Life is more important than being mad about people being late or what you have for a holiday dinner.

What I now know is that I have to take as many opportunities as I can to spend time with my father and other family, I need to remember the time spent and not how it is spent but that it is spent with family, friends, and being happy.

I miss Mom everyday, some days are harder than others, Today was a rough one, I can’ only hope that tomorrow will be better.

Monday, September 5, 2011

Six Months, Ups & Downs.

SAM_0451  Wow, first off it’s hard to believe that it’s been 6 months since my mom passed away. I have certainly had some ups and downs. When Mom passed away I almost immediately decided to change my lifestyle for the better. We joined the gym and I was eating better, I was finding stress relief in the gym and for a long time was feeling good. Then about 6 – 8 weeks ago things started to slip. Alot in my life was causing me stress and anxiety and I really was not coping well at all. Some people would say that I entered the “depression” stage of my grief, and maybe that was true, but I think alot of it was that I lost myself and started focusing on other people instead of myself. I have this time off to rediscover who I want to be and I talked last time about setting goals and finding what I want in life. While I am now officially registered for the Valley Harvest 5K. Dean registered  us yesterday and I honestly had thoughts of doubt and fear while he was doing it. But we went to the gym yesterday and I ran for 11 minuets straight and I also managed to walk/run 2 miles in 26 minuets… not to shabby. Dean is planning on doing the 1/2 marathon and this morning we set up a training schedule for him and finalized mine as well. It is real now!

The past few days have been pretty good, although I have had Dean home with me and that has alot to do with it. Saturday we went on a hike with Lynn and Jason. It was along the Crowbar Trail with great views and lots of incline! It was a great way to burn some calories and spend time with friends. There is a longer trail that I would love to go back to do next spring. SAM_1190SAM_1194SAM_1193

Yesterday Dean spend the day in the kitchen after our trip to the gym, he made stock, pasta sauce and barbeque sauce. I love that my husband would rather have homemade things than going out the store to buy it, and that he makes it himself. We have not bought pasta sauce since moving into our house, we also have not bought store made bread since buying out bread maker a few months ago, I don’t know how much money we save, but I can only think that we do, plus the real things are healthier and have less chemicals in them.

Today I stepped on the scale, it is slowly climbing back up. So I decided to track my food again and today was the starting point. I really am not focusing so much on losing weight, more on getting enough protein/iron in and having a balanced day. I do have it set to lose 1/2 pound per week but really I just want to feel good. If you feel good you look good!

Hope everyone is having a great Labour Day!

Friday, September 2, 2011

Re thinking the process

It has been a while since I blogged, I have stayed caught up on everyone else though.

I have had to take some time off work. Between work, and life I was not in a good state. I was crying almost everyday and a ball of nerves at work. I have realized somewhere in the last six weeks I stopped making myself a priority. After Mom died I made the decision to be healthy and make myself the most important thing. With Dad coming home, work being busy and other family crap I lost sight of myself. I stopped eating well I stopped being active, always finding the excuses that i have used my whole life; “I am to busy”, “It’s too nice out”, “I will tomorrow”. I have to find some goals, both short term and long term and I need to make a plan to follow through. I need to work on managing my stress and anxiety. I need to find healthy ways to deal with my guilt and grief. My doctor has been very helpful making me realize that taking two weeks off when Mom first passed away was no where near enough. That is why I have this time off now.

The one thing I have kept up is my personal training, I did miss a few sessions but overall that has been my only real activity in the past few weeks. However today I achieved a huge milestone for me… I ran at 5.0 for ten minuets. I have never done that before! I am extremely pleased with this, but at the time my trainer was very honest… I can be better, I can do better. He has noticed I have not been committed to this one-hundred percent. I haven't been, I haven't hit the gym unless it’s been to see John. I haven't been walking as much as I could be, I haven't had the energy to tell the truth, and I need to fight though this and just do it!

So one thing I need to work on are some goals. I have really never had alot of goals I have wanted. I don’t dream big, I grew up with little and don’t take what I have for granted. I am a homebody and would rather have movie marathons on the couch then go on a trip. However I need something to work towards in life or else I will end up feeling like I didn’t accomplish anything. I want to focus on a few areas in my life; active living, organization/home life, adventure/new thing, and personal upkeep.

My first goal is to run the Valley Harvest 5K. My trainer feels this is totally do-able and after running for 10 minuets I do to. I have found a 5 week training program that starting Monday I will stick to! As for goals go, I also have 2 passes to try hot yoga, and I have joined up for a Zumba class.

I also plan to book a massage and get a pedicure, eye brow wax and hair cut. We also are planning a night away, just not sure where yet. I also plan to get back into blogging, I find it is very helpful for me to write down how I feel and what I want to plan. I can lay things out here and see where I should be going.

I leave you with a picture that I took on my road trip with Lynn.


Friday, July 29, 2011

Crazy go round!

Well I have had another crazy week. However it has been very good in alot of respects. I am just happy it’s a three day weekend!

I have made it back to the gym. Sunday I hit the gym and just took it easy for my first day back, Monday thought I hit the treadmill for a run and ouch… I was some sore after but all the good sore that comes with working out. Tuesday I hit up my first personal training session in 2 weeks. That was also painful, but all in the good way. I am so glad that I can almost easily slide back into my workout routine after being off for two weeks!

Eating has also been pretty good. I rocked Monday and Tuesday, but did have a downfall Wednesday and Thursday. It’s that time for me where my hormones are yelling at me to eat. But it’s all tracked and accounted for. One feature I love about My Fitness Pal on the IPod is that it shows your average net calories. I use this as my guide to tell me how my week is going. I know one day can do damage but in the run of a week if it’s only one day, I can live with that. The trick to living a healthy lifestyle is allowing yourself to splurge every once in a while. If I didn’t do that I would go crazy.

Earlier this week Dean and I sat down and made some pretty big decisions about where our life is heading. I can’t go into too much detail right now but for the next while we will be focusing on sticking to our budget and living healthy. I feel like we have the living healthy almost down. But sticking to our budget is tricky sometimes. We have money for everything we need, but sometimes we tend to over spend all at once when we may not need to. But again having a life worth living sometimes involves splurges now and then.

Plans for the long weekend include a session with my trainer tomorrow, and housework, plus a trip to visit my Dad (he made it safe and sound back from Ont.) and hopefully an enjoyable evening on the back deck with Dean. He has been working opposite hours than me and I feel like I haven't seen him in a while so I am looking forward to spending the weekend with him!

What are your plans for the long weekend? Whatever they may be hope everyone stays safe!

Saturday, July 23, 2011

Plan A vs. Plan B

Wow I have had a really rough week. After my vacation post I had all these posts in my head lined up, but due to my injured shoulder my whole game plan for the week fell though.

See I am really good at coming up with a plan for the week/month ect. I am really good at making lists and schedules. I have a to-do list constantly on the go at work and it’s how I get things done. Unfortunately I very seldom have a back up plan. I do not like things out of my normal or that are unplanned. This leads to stress/anxiety and over all me not getting anything accomplished.

I had planned to get back to the gym Wednesday but after having the Nurse Practitioner at work look at my shoulder she said to keep away from activity for 5 – 7 days at least. It is feeling 100% better now and my plan is to head to the gym right after breakfast tomorrow. But the point was that with my gym plans ruined I ended up coming home and sitting on my ass doing nothing. It also for some reason led to me eating just as bad as when I was on vacation. With all the bad food and lack of exercise I have ended up with built up emotions that poured over today leaving me physically and emotionally drained. I need to find a way to always have a back up plan. This is something I will be putting alot of thought into. So with that said I have a well formulated plan for the upcoming week.

  • Meals are planned and healthy food is in the house.
  • I will be hard boiling some eggs tomorrow as well as cooking some chicken breasts for salads and such.
  • I plan to hit the gym up 5 days this week, including going back to my trainer for 2 sessions.
  • Track everything that goes into my mouth with an attempt to keep it at 1200 calories (but allowing my self my normal 1580)
  • Take some progress pictures and measurements.

Also this week my Dad comes home for good! He works away and has finally left and will be coming home to the house and all his family. I am a little anxious about this because it will mean a huge change in our relationship but it also means more support for each of us.

Well I feel better now that my plan is all out there. Hopefully it will be a good week and I can follow though, and if I can’t I can find ways to modify my plans to keep with a healthy lifestyle, which is always in the back of my mind… even if it doesn't show.

Tuesday, July 19, 2011

Vacation 2011

Wow it’s been a while since I blogged. Part of it was due to a lovely vacation we went on. I unplugged for the most part and relaxed while we camped at Dollar Lake. We had a great time relaxing, even in the rain! Here is a tour of our humble abode.

SAM_1107This was our campsite, we had gotten a new camping set this year and it was great.





SAM_1106             SAM_1105






Our “bedroom” our “kitchen” and our “living room/dining room” I have to say a few words about our kitchen. It was a Christmas gift from Mom two years ago and I found it very useful with a sink and storage for dishes and food. We even had a visitor squirrel stuck in our tent and had a nice swim in the lake. I was so glad to get away and I am so relaxed when I came back and feel relaxed and rejuvenated.

While on vacation we also saw a few movies and celebrated Deans birthday by going to dinner at Niche. Dean also got dessert on the house, Baily’s Mint Cheesecake!


I am now ready to go back to work and get back on track. I am however suffering from a shoulder pain. I am not sure what has caused it but a trip to the doctor is in the near future!

Hope everyone has a healthy fun week!

Thursday, July 7, 2011

Shred Away

I am having a hard time right now. But not with the “normal” stuff. I am eating pretty good. I am exercising pretty good. But still find my self emotionally in a rut. I can definitely chalk some of it up to PMS. And I am sure some of it is from being stuck in work 38 degree weather (we have no air circulation at all!). And still I would like could probably blame some of it on the date yesterday (4 months since Mom passed away). I know all these reasons as to why I am not emotionally all together right now, but I feel like none of them are the “right” reasons. I feel like it’s something else entirely.

I go on vacation next week and we are going camping for 4 nights. I am so excited to be getting away. But honestly part of me is scared I will undo alot of my success in that amount of time. Is that ridiculous? I really don’t know. I find self motivation a hard thing for me and always have. I am really hopeful that I will swim alot, that we will walk alot, that I will not want to eat alot of junk.

I am happy to say that I did something today I haven't done in a while. I had full intentions of going to the gym after work today. My bag was packed and in the car. But I had a pretty ugly day at work and really just wanted to come home, so I did. But as I was sitting looking at Twitter and thinking about what to do a thought crossed my mind… I could do 30 Day shred. And after thinking it I did it. For me this was huge. I often think of things I could do, run out side, ride my bike, but I never do them. I never get up the motivation to just do it. And today I did.

But the best part… I was able to do it all without a break… something that has never happened!

Sunday, July 3, 2011

Canada Day Weekend 2011

Happy Canada Day weekend everyone, hope everyone had a safe and happy long weekend. The weather here was amazing and my weekend was spent with friends, having alot of fun.

Friday we had a BBQ. Lynn wrote a great post on it with pictures and all of my pictures are pretty much the same. We headed out after a few drinks on the patio to walk down to the fireworks. We were really disappointed because they were not set off at the same place as last year so we had a building in the way.


This was the best picture I got, and there were only maybe 3 other fireworks that made it over the building. So we walked back home, totally close to 11 km with a huge hill at the end. Over all thought is was a good day full of laughs and fun.

Yesterday Dean and I did some shopping. Actually I was looking for a bathing suit. I hate bathing suit shopping! However I did find one that suites me ok. But you may never see me in it! We shall see. We also finished up most of our camping shopping and now have everything we need… I don’t know if it will all fit in the car but we have it anyway. Last evening Dean worked and I spent the time watching girly movies. It was relaxing and I was happy to have some time to myself.

Today wrapped up my long weekend beautifully. This morning I headed out with some lovely ladies for a walk around Lake Banook and coffee. We went to Two if By Sea. It was my first time there and I have only heard good things about it. I got a Chia Latte and a Chocolate Croissant.


It was good, and so filling I couldn’t finish it. We headed back to the cars after alot of chatting and totalled around 5Km. It was a lovely day and I had never walked completely around the lake before so it was very enjoyable and didn’t even seem like exercise.


Tonight we are ended the weekend with another BBQ. Dean is cooking up some chicken breasts for me to make lunches with and I am planning a healthy week of salads and exercise!

8  more working days until I go on vacation!!

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

It’s in the inches.

So finally some progress! I have had a pretty good week overall. Ups and downs of course but that is just life.

Work has been a bit stressful lately. Emotions have been running high with the death of a patient and the heat has gotten other patients a bit wacky. I of course have been running around and with a 4 day week this week and then only 6 working days left until I go off on vacation I am trying to get everything done!

I have a great NSV to report! I went to Value Village on Saturday and was looking for jeans in the 13/14 section, I tried on a total of 9 pairs, all but 2 were too big! Next time I will be hitting the 11/12 section! I really would like a new pair of jeans but really don’t want to spend the money if they are not going to fit me in a few months. I know that shouldn’t be an excuse. Honestly I probably use that too much to avoid shopping, but used clothes are just as good most of the time.

I have been really trying to watch what I have been eating in regards to carb and protein intake. I adjusted my ration on MFP to have more protein, but I am finding it extremely hard to get it all in, and to keep my carbs down at the same time. A interesting thing happened on Sunday though. Dean made a loaf of white bread. I wasn’t hungry but had a small piece to try it. After that I was starving for 2 hours! That really showed me how much carbs influence my hunger and my eating. I will be trying to slowly make the switch to whole wheat's. Over all my intake has been pretty good though, trying to make the right choices has been easy.

Last but not least is the fact that yesterday at my training session I had my measurements done. The good news is that I lost inches from everywhere on my body, and almost 5 from my waist alone. My arms and thighs are now equal in size, and my bust and hips are shrinking too. Learning that I have made progress in the size department really gave me some motivation to keep going. I may not be losing it in weight, but I know things are changing.

Hope everyone has a safe, active Canada Day Weekend! My plans include a 5K walk to the fireworks and some relaxing on the deck!

Wednesday, June 22, 2011

Sometimes things don’t add up.

In March my life changed. In March I was at a point where I had no energy. In March I felt like the world was going to break me. I could barely go up my three flights of stairs and I ate enough most days for two people. I got a rude awakening when my Mom, 120lbs passed away due to her poor lifestyle.

I have been faithfully going to the gym since April. I have been tracking my food since April. I have been seeing my personal trainer twice a week since April. I was 39% body fat and 182lbs in April (based on trainer’s scale in the afternoon)




3 months later and I feel better physically. I have more confidence. I feel my stress level is lower. I manage my stress better. I am stronger. I challenge myself more. I ran for 5 minuets at 5.0 on the treadmill! I am now 38% body fat and weigh 180lbs.

Can you say frustrated? I can. After my reassessment my trainer asked me about my eating habits. He wants a copy of a week of food records and says by the sound of it I am not eating enough protein and I am eating too many carbs. This is probably true. I know as much as I track pretty much everything that goes in my mouth I still don’t eat well. I eat too much junk, I eat most of what I burn at the gym. I drink a bit too much wine on the weekends?? No, not too much wine.

I feel so much better, but I still have a long way to go. I need to get my eating in control, and now. While I know all my blood tests came back good I feel like I can still be doing damage. Anyone on MyFitnessPal can take a look at my diary and maybe give me some help on what to do. I am at a loss. I still want to balance good eating with treats, something I am finding very hard to do.

Honestly after the week I have had finding out I have made such little progress was pretty upsetting, but after cooling down I am not going to let this stop me, I will find a way to lead a healthy lifestyle and get rid of this body fat!

Monday, June 20, 2011

A day at home.

Well today ended up being a sick day for me. Last evening I knew I just was in no emotional state of mind to work. So I relaxed with a glass of wine while we listened to music.

This morning I was glad that I had decided to call in sick because I was still so sore from the gym that I could barely move. I made great protein smoothies for breakfast hoping to get my muscles repaired. Then we headed out to run some errands. We were on a mission to get some shelving for our cats room. Ok really we use it as a store room, but the cats have their litter box, food and a chair in there. I mean look at Rosie, how does she not deserve her own room?


So after we obtained our shelves we also got Dean a drill, he was complaining about not having alot of power tools and this would make his job easier. With the shelves assembled we put stuff away. Now there is alot more room to stock up during our Costco trips!

While Dean was making supper I decided to roam around the yard and see how my garden was doing. I am guilty of not taking care of my gardens. We have trimmed out hedges our front and I did weed in the beginning of the summer. Back in May I bought five plants and planted them where I thought they would do good. Turns out the Hosta’s that were already planted took over and covered up my plants. So I thought they were dying. Well after uncovering them I discovered these:


There is one more plant that hasn’t bloomed yet, but it looks close. After digging out the plants I am now eager to decide what I want to do with my yard. I didn’t kill things, maybe I do have a green thumb!

After supper we went for a walk, and I am happy to report my back and legs are feeling much better. Back to work for me tomorrow and to the trainer. I am excited to get my progress checked and my head is back in the game!

Sunday, June 19, 2011

Emotional Workout

Ugh, I am so sore today, and I cannot even say it is from a fantastic work out.

Yesterday I got some pretty emotional news and if I had of gotten it earlier I would have cancelled my training session. But I went, even though I was pretty emotional. I was warming up on the elliptical and I was almost in tears. I did seem to settle down a bit once Jon got me going, for a few minuets I even felt like my stress was going away. Then I got to the point where my body didn’t want to work. I was doing squats on the bosu and lunges and I just couldn’t do it. I felt like I was going to fall, like my hip joints were going to give out. My legs were shaking so bad, I was getting so mad at myself! Jon put me on the treadmill for a few minuets to see if it would get my mind back in the game, but that only led to me feeling sick to my stomach and almost having a panic attack! I had told him why I was so upset so he was pretty understanding about it. We kept going and he didn’t push me too hard.

I had a great calorie burn, and like I said I am super sore today. But I can’t say it was because I had a great workout, it was because I was so anxious and probably so tense that while doing the exercises it was hurting my body. I also didn’t stretch as much as I should have, and I know I didn’t drink enough water. Needless to say alot of it is behind me know and I am just hoping to get out for a walk between rain showers today.

In good news I stepped on the scale today and was down a pound. I have to say it is taking a long time for the weight to come off. I feel good for the most part though, and on Tuesday we are rechecking my body fat percentage so I will be excited to report that progress. I has to have improved. I know I am strong and have more muscle than I did when I started.

Hope everyone is having a good Sunday!

Saturday, June 18, 2011

Life has led me

Life had led me down many different roads. I have been a single child my whole life and that has made in impact. I was always kind of an “outsider” growing up, making very few life long friends. I chose to stay home to go to university, I had a huge falling out with my best friends only to become closer with them in the end. I found the man of my dreams and our relationship is wonderful. We have a house and a cat and plan to have kids someday. All of my choices have led me to this. I have a great job, and I am truly happy when I put everything together.

I didn’t choose for my Mom to die, there was no choice, I just had to deal and move on. And without tooting my own horn I feel I am doing a pretty good job. However the events that have happened with my family since Mom’s death has led me to increased stress and I have felt the need to start a private blog, so if you would like to be helpful and give advice leave your e-mail and I’ll add you, or e-mail me at holly_sarah  @

Thanks for reading!

Thursday, June 16, 2011

Alone in my Head

Hubby got a promotion at work a few weeks ago. It so great that he got a promotion, and it’s great that all the management love him at work, he has even been told more promotions are in his future! The down fall of the new position is the new hours. Dean now has to work some evenings and closes. With the different hours comes more alone time for me, which poses a problem.

So what is wrong with alone time? During the day really nothing, I tend to be productive and get things done, but in the evenings there is less to do. First of all I don’t like being in the house after dark by myself. I know that is kind of stupid, and I do feel safe, I just get anxious and imagine all kinds of crazy things. The other reason I don’t like being alone is the thoughts that go through my head after  too long. I think about everything and normally end up in tears or getting mad at myself for how this always happens.

I used to think about my lifestyle and how unhealthy I was. I would get frustrated at myself and what I would eat, or the fact that I would be sitting on my butt on the couch. I used to think of what was going on in my life and how I could change it, I felt hopeless. Now I have my Mom to add to that. I am coping well but also often get surges of emotion. Plus my grandfather isn’t doing so well, or my aunt for that matter. I have alot in my head right now and it’s alot of stuff I want to get off my chest but don’t feel comfortable sharing on the blog. I do write some of it in a journal, but alot of it just gets shoved to the back of my mind.

Until of course I am alone to think about it. To distract myself I usually end up doing random things that aren't really productive. I am hoping that blogging about this will help me get some of my anxiety out and I will feel better. I am also using this opportunity to take up time before it’s off to bed! So my question to you is;

Do you  have a private blog to get your thoughts out?

Tuesday, June 14, 2011

Rhubarb Ramblings.

Well, unfortunately I am not much of a picture taker and totally forgot to take pictures of the Rhubarb Crisp I made yesterday. I had a good haul of rhubarb that we brought home from PEI on Sunday and part of my day yesterday involved cutting it up and freezing it!


I Managed to get four, 4 Cup bags in the freezer and have been looking for different recipes to use it in. Dean’s grandparents had a huge patch and I am wondering if it is able to be transplanted sometime so I can always have some in my yard too. Although I have never used it much before I know it is tasty and there is lots you can do with it.

What is your favourite rhubarb recipe?

Yesterday marked a day to remember for me. I ran for 3 minuets on the treadmill! I am doing a couch to 5K program that is a bit different from the other one I had done in the past. Yesterday marked my first day doing a walk for 2 minuets and run for 3, repeated times five. I slowed my pace down and completed it all. I was tired and a bit tight, but I did it and I didn’t feel like I was over whelmed. My plan is to increase my pace for the next two runs to get back up to the pace I was running at when doing 3:2 intervals. Today at the gym Jon had me running at 5.1, another benchmark for me. I was doing 2:2 intervals and I started running at 4.8 for the first moving up all the way to 5.1. I was a sweaty mess and at the last set I really thought I was going to have to stop, but I did it and felt great at the end. I know I often grumble about not losing the weight or seeing inches falling off but the fact that I can now run for 3 minuets and that I can run at 5.1 are truly inspiring for me. I have hope now that I will be able to do a 5K race someday!

All-In-One® Automatic BreadmakerWe added to Dean’s appliance collection today! When we were in PEI Deans grandmother had her bread machine on the go, it smelled so good that I agreed to buy one when we got home. So we went out and bought this one from Canadian Tire. It was on sale and I told Dean if we end up using it alot we can upgrade to a better one someday. I’ll admit I am a little afraid of how much I might end up liking home made bread and might go a little carb crazy, but everything in moderation right? If I do completely fall in love with this bread I will need to let something else go to fit it into my calorie allowance. I am most excited to make cinnamon raisin bread once we get the ingredients!

I have one more thing to share this evening that I am very sad to report. I have tweeted about how I love the smell of my lilac tree when I am sitting out on my back deck. Well because of all this rain I think it may be ending before it’s time. It sure is taking a beating! I managed to get this great picture of it on the weekend, and I am hoping it will still be around for this weekend.


Hope everyone is having a good week, I know I am!

Monday, June 13, 2011

Busy Weekend, Lot’s of thoughts!

Wow, it truly is amazing how fast time goes. This week has been a whirlwind of activity and emotions. I am truly wiped out but wanted to put some of my thoughts in writing.

Yesterday we took a road trip to PEI to visit Dean’s grandparents. We went with thoughts of dread and didn’t really want to make the trip. Long story short is they didn’t go to our wedding and we have been holding a grudge. At first our visit was somewhat awkward. We didn’t have alot to say and we are so very different I didn’t even know what to begin a conversation about. But after a while we had a good conversations going. His grandmother started showing me things that she was making (she is a great quilter) and even gave me a table runner she made. We also took a trip to see Deans great aunt and uncle. We stayed for supper, even though we hadn’t planed on it and truly enjoyed out time. Honestly when it was time to leave I was almost sad. None of my remaining grandparents are really “grandparenty”. Dean’s grandparents are your stereotypical grandparents.  I could never go for a walk with my grandparents around their gardens, they could never cook for me, and I will never be getting something they make. My grandparents are all unwell, weather it be mentally or physically and I’ve realized that we were missing out on a good relationship with Deans only set of grandparents. While we won’t be able to visit them often we will be able to every few months and I think I will make that effort. Not only did I actually enjoy my time with them, but PEI has alot to offer that I have never really explored.

The weekend weather was beautiful and we spent alot of it outside, I even got a little sun burn. I wish that we could have more sun, but we all need a little rain once in a while, and I would rather it be on days that I work, which looks like it will be this week. One thing I wish I could do was get out and be more active in the sun. I really want to get my bike out, but for some reason I am nervous about looking dumb or not being able to do it. I know I should just do it, but it is hard for me to not feel like I will be laughed at or something. These are the games my mind plays… stupid mind games. 

I have been taking a class through work and had to work on the final (and only) assignment today. I have found the class challenging to find time for outside of it. While it hasn’t been difficult I have learned that I don’t miss school at all. I have often thought about going back to school one day, but this class alone has shown that I may not have it in me. I do not  have the desire to work full time and study and I think people who dedicate themselves to taking a classes while working must have a lot of discipline. 

Wow that turned out to be alot in my head. Stay tuned for a post on Rhubarb!

Saturday, June 4, 2011

Eating Emotions

Well everything was going well. Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday were really good days. Then came Wednesday night when I found out a co-worker of mine passes away. This was a young woman (mid forties?) with two children under 20. Ugh, so not cool. I work in a big organization but when we lose someone in our department it shakes the whole place.

So Thursday came and I did pretty good at work. We were all upset but it was ok. Then I came home. I have made Thursdays my “rest day” and don’t usually head to the gym after work and we go grocery shopping in the evening. Well no more of that! I came home and ate my days worth of calories on junk. And the whole time I did it I knew I was eating due to stress/grief/anger. It was all emotional eating. I was so mad at myself and feeling so gross from eating so much. I know it’s a good thing that I recognized this. But I never know how to stop it. It’s like my body takes over and my mind is screaming not to go back to the cookie jar but I see myself doing it! Not really sure how to deal with that.

The unfortunate thing is that although it didn’t flow into Friday we did go out for supper. This is another problem for us. We tend to go out too often. I know this and not only is it unhealthy but it is a waste of money! So we have decided not to eat out until Dean’s birthday in July. That being said we know we will be when we go to PEI next weekend but that is it!

How Do you Deal with Emotional Eating??

Tuesday, May 31, 2011

Body Image

Well I feel alot better than yesterday. I was off today for a Doctor’s appointment (have to get more blood work!) and the sun was shining! Being alone with my thoughts really helped. Plus eating is so much easier at home than at work. There are so many less temptations, and I know that is part of my problem and has been for a long time. Went to the trainer and did a great workout. I am really feeling good about my physical strength and I am very happy that I have received comments from my trainer in the past week like “you really look like an athlete doing that” and “that is the most you have pushed yourself since we started”.

I got some great support after my post yesterday. Something really hit home with me and has really been making me think. Tracy had this to say:

Lastly, I don't know how much you want to lose-but when I met you-you didn't look overweight to me at all. So, could the other possibility be that you don't have much to lose, so it's slower for it to come off?

I really am think about that. We all know that the gym is full of mirrors right? Well in my gym when I walk into the locker room I walk right into a mirror. When I look in that mirror I am happy with what I see face on, but then I turn. I don’t like my profile. And mostly my stomach. But will losing weight change that? I don’t know. Maybe I need to stop focusing on my weight. I am stronger than I was 3 months ago, I have more energy, I deal with my stress better. I do see alot of benefits and have no desire to stop my activity. Dean has suggested that I put the scale away for a while and just do what I am doing. It is making a difference!

What are your thoughts on body image and weight?

Monday, May 30, 2011

Why I always quit.

Well here it comes again. The desire to say F*** it and quit this stupid tracking food crap and counting calories. I know it works, I am seeing it work for alot of people. But it is not working for me! I have not lost anything since I started tracking. Now it could be that I am building muscle, it could be that I am losing inches. But in all honesty I don’t believe it. Sure I am stronger and I feel better physically. But mentally I have seen very little success so therefore feel like I have not accomplished anything.

The real problem lies in the fact that I become obsessed with food. I want to eat and then I do but then I feel bad. I over eat and then beat myself up over it all day long, even though I am still within my calories. I get hungry around 8:00 and want a snack, knowing that I shouldn’t. I want to give up and just say screw it for the night.

This is not a new struggle, it’s a constant struggle. I cannot find that balance between knowing what to eat and having to think about everything I eat. I cannot find that inner voice that turns food down. I just get so frustrated with everything about tracking and counting. Part of me always just thinks if I exercise I will lose the weight. Clearly that isn’t happening, but my mind still thinks it. I am just at the point where I don’t feel like I can do this for the rest of my life. Which I know I will need to do, at least somewhat,

So what will I do… I’m not really sure, but at least I have gotten my feelings out.

Sunday, May 29, 2011

Wonder Weekend

Wow what a great weekend it’s been so far! The sun is out and I feel good about the oncoming week.

Yesterday I cleaned the house and relaxed for a bit. Then it was off to the trainer. I think it is safe to say I have entered the cardio zone of my time with him. I was moving across the gym constantly and was pretty sweaty and gross by the end, but it felt so good, and I am not sore today which I truly thought I would be.

I got a lovely surprise after coming home from the gym. Dean was home! He is never off that early on a Saturday, even though I always hope for it. So we headed out and did some shopping… alot of shopping actually. First up was to go and try to find a picture for our bedroom wall. I want a beach or ocean scene but we didn’t find one, what we did find was this;                                     “Always Kiss me Goodnight”

While it will go in the bedroom it won’t be going where I was looking for a picture.


SAM_1046We also found these: These will be going downstairs in our rec room.





We then headed to Costco to pick up a few things. We got some great Contigo water bottles and travel mugs, plus I picked up another pair of Tuff Athletics capri pants. I am in love with there yoga pants/capri’s and the X-lg are not starting to fall down when I run!


Last but not least we hit up a garden center and I bought some plants to tidy up my gardens. I am not much of a green thumb but have some ideas of what I want to do. I planted them today and will wait until things are in bloom to show you all. Other than gardening today we also hit up the gym and enjoyed some time on the deck. Dean is making steak on the BBQ and I see a walk after supper in the works. I am so motivated right now that I almost forgot to tell you all that I gained in my weigh in this morning. But I am moving on and up (down?) this week with a crackdown on my habits.

Until next time!

Friday, May 27, 2011

I Can Fly… Or Die

Well I am actually going to work backwards from this evening to Tuesday. I have wanted to talk about Tuesday’s training session since it happened but just haven't got the time/motivation to sit down and write. So I am watching WWE and looking at my favourite man Randy Orton. I realize how bad WWE can be at times, but the man candy is fun and it makes hubby happy that I watch it with him!

Tonight we went to Salty’s tonight, were I had my most favourite dessert ever! Blueberry grunt! I love it and it was well worth the calories and money! We have however been eating out alot lately. We really need to stop that and I really need to get my eating back in order. It’s been hard for me this week. I have a really hard time balancing all or nothing. We went to the gym tonight after going out to eat and really I don’t know how but I managed to compete week 2 run 3 of my 5K running program. However now my knees and hips are absolutely killing me and I am dreading the trainer tomorrow.

Yesterday I was on a course all day and over ate due to there being Dairy Queen Sundays!! Who excepted that in the afternoon break! The course was on team work and productivity and was pretty interesting. However like most courses I take I am very excited and have all these ideas when I leave and then I get back to work, or reality as it is, and things go back to normal… ugh work, another post entirely.

Wednesday we hit the gym, I tried a new piece of equipment they put in recently and I didn’t not like it. My hips felt like they were going to give out and I couldn’t find a comfortable pace/position. I was glad to have gotten out and did it though. I also listened to my first Podcast. Lynn had mentioned them a while ago and I went and looked up a few. I don’t know if I could listen to them running yet but for all other cardio and walking I think it will be a nice change of pace from time to time.

So now we have gotten to Tuesday where I learned to fly… or so it seemed.  I was jumping all over the gym for my workout with Jon. And by jumping I literally mean jumping. My routine went something like this:

  • Kettle Throws (20lbs) followed by lateral jumps (jumping across a rope latter and back). 15 reps, 3 sets
  • Frog Jumps (jumping as far forward as I can) down the gym floor, followed by walking lunges back. 3 sets
  • I was then put on the treadmill and walked for walking 2.5 minuets then I ran for 2.5 minuets. This was the first time I ran with my trainer and he was actually pretty impressed.
  • I then did a super set of ladder hops (jumping twice in each ladder square) followed by bench jumps (jumping over the bench), (20). Then did 15 boat curls (ab exercise). 3 sets.
  • I then did 15 crunches followed by a plank. I managed to hold the plank for 40 seconds which is pretty good for me, especially following everything I had just done. 2 sets.

I was pretty nervous with all the jumping. I am far from graceful and honestly thought I would fall. But in reality I didn’t even almost fall once. I guess I am more graceful than I thought I was. I guess maybe I need to learn to trust my trainer and that he isn’t asking me to do things he doesn't think I can do! Off to another session tomorrow!

Monday, May 23, 2011

Victoria Day!

When last I blogged I was having a really bad day. I am very happy to report that I feel alot better. Friday I was thinking about taking a break off from the gym and just being as active in life as I could be. I was missing my Mom and I was feeling really down.

Well Friday evening while Dean was working late I somehow got my butt off the couch and went to the gym. I am doing a 5K training program and did 25 minuets of 3:2 intervals. I felt great afterword's and my mood sky rocketed.

Saturday I had another pretty good day. I went to my training session and I drank enough water to float away. My training session was comprised of the following;

  • Rowing 500M, Jon tells me I am getting better and faster at this but it still feels like torture.
  • A “push/pull” with 25 lbs., both sides, followed by bench burpies. 15 reps 2 sets.
  • Squats holding a 9lb body bar above my head, followed by abs with medicine ball. Again 15 reps 2 sets
  • Went on the treadmill until my heart rate was 165 then held for 5 minuets.
  • Super set of Arm Raises front (5lb) and side (3lb), followed by Hip Raises and elbow to knee crunches. 10 arm reps followed by 15 reps of the other two and 3 sets!

Needless to say I was a big sweaty mess by the time it was over and could not wait to get home and shower. Also Amy posted this. While it made me cry, it also made me feel hopeful that someday I can tell some one I have been that long without my mom and I am doing ok.  Saturday we also made a trip to Dairy queen where I indulged a little with a sunday.

Yesterday was weigh day where I had an unexpected loss. I am now in the 170’s! I was very excited, but a little confused since I over ate more than I had in previous weeks but had a bigger loss than I’ve had in a long time. I am now wondering if maybe I am not eating enough due to all my exercise and training? Maybe I will experiment and see what happens. We also made a trip to Pete’s yesterday but didn’t find anything too exciting. We also had a good workout at the gym. The evening was spent having a nice supper out and a few glasses of wine at home. I was very relaxed.

Today we spent cleaning and enjoying the sun (the weather doesn't look good until next weekend again). We spent time mowing the lawn and walking around the neighbourhood. I spent some time with my aunt and apparently got sunburnt! I am currently very content and going into my week with a good attitude and the plan to keep active and eat well!

Friday, May 20, 2011

Just Maybe.

Well TGIF! This week has been hellish, and for not real reason at all. I have been fighting a sore throat now for 2 weeks. It could just be weather related but it’s very annoying and has been dragging me down. Plus I have been super sleepy. I cannot pin down why, I have been sleeping well, and taking my iron and B12 so I don’t think that would be it. The only think I can think of is that my emotions have been all over the place and that might have something to do with it.

I miss my Mom. This week has been really bad. I do very well at work and around people, but when it is just me or me and hubby I get very sad and have cried alot this week. I know this will all take time and I know it’s to be excepted but I don’t want to be sad. Dean doesn't know how to help me and I don’t know what to tell him. All I want to be able to do is pick up the phone and chat with her. We have had alot going on in our life and I want to share it with her. I talk to my Dad but he’s not a big talker and so making conversation is hard even with all the good things going on.

This week gets topped off by the fact that I hurt myself pretty badly at the trainer on Tuesday. It’s almost healed today but Wednesday and Thursday I could barely get up the stairs. This has led to little or no exercise in the past two days. I want to get out and do something, but finding the energy is hard. I know I will feel better once doing it but it’s been so hard for me to get out and do it. I fear my strength is slipping and that I will give up. But I don’t want to give up! I have tracked everything this week, even though it wasn’t the best week food wise. I will likely see a gain on the scale and I am ok and have already come to terms with that. I just don’t know how to pick up and get going again!

My thoughts are telling me to take the weekend “off” and for the most part I mean “exercise”. I am in the habit of tracking now and I have learned to accept it if I go into the red. But maybe I need some time away from the gym and just try to do things naturally instead of forcing activity. The lawn needs to be mowed and the house cleaned. We plan on going out to my parents house to do some things. Maybe we can just include activity into our weekend with out it being we “have to” do something.

Just Maybe…

Wednesday, May 18, 2011

A Day in the Life

Well every Tuesday and Saturday I grumble about going to my personal training session. And to be honest every Saturday I think about calling and cancelling. However with encouragement from my hubby and the fact that I know how good I feel after I suck it up and go.

So yesterday I grumbled and groaned. I was running late and I still ended up at the gym waiting for my Trainer. I have never done the same routine twice with him, which is good because it always keeps me on my toes. Usually I can’t remember what I did or at least all of it. However yesterday I did remember and I wrote it down so I could share it all with you.

When I first get to the gym I always hop on the Elliptical for at least 10 minuets. Jon (my trainer) meets me while I am on the Elliptical and away we go. Yesterday this is what I did;

  • 15 side lunges, with 10lb weights in each arm, on each leg. Followed by 15 leg lifts and then 3 side leg lifts on each side. Repeat x3.
  • 15 Lunges on Bosu (the half ball) on each leg. Followed by what I call side pulls, which work you side abs, with 20lbs of weights, on each side. Repeat x2
  • Bench pushes (oh yes the benches you sit on when you do a bench press) across the gym floor and back. Followed by 20 crunches on the ball. Repeat x3.
  • 15 Triceps pulls (15lbs), followed by 15 bicep curls (20lbs). Repeat x2.

Then he tells me to go do cardio! I am poor at that part after already being at the gym for at least an hour. I stretch a bit in the change room then head home where I make a protein shake with powder and milk. Later in the day I have a hot shower and stretch again in the shower.

I am actually glad I remembered this workout because today I am almost as sore as I was after the first session I had with Jon. So there you have it, the hour flies by and there is always at least 500 calories burned!

Monday, May 16, 2011

It’s back!

My motivation has found it’s way back to my mind. I am so glad that it is back. I felt some of it Saturday after my training session. It feels so good to be lifting weights and being strong and doing things I wouldn’t think I could do. Even though I was feeling really crappy on Saturday I went and did it and felt alot better. I also really focused on eating the 4 food groups and drinking lots of water. I felt so much better even after one good meal.

Then Sunday I just had an overall good day with hubby. We walked early in the morning and just spent the day together it was very mentally relaxing and helped get me ready for the week. I also kept my eating in check which is sometimes hard for me to do.

But I really rediscovered my motivation today at the gym. About 2 months ago I bought some yoga pants from Costco. Size XL. Today at the gym while running on the treadmill they were falling down! While this suck in the sense that I will have to go buy new work out clothes it is a definitely motivator for me. It is one of those signals I have been looking for. Plus today I ate well at work, another thing that for me is very hard.

Well I am looking forward to the rest of the week, and I have a four day weekend this weekend which is very exciting! Plans include personal training, cleaning, a trip to value village and possible re-organizing the shed to include out camping gear.

Hope everyone has a fantastic week!

Sunday, May 15, 2011

Holly’s Hobbies

Happy Sunday!

Hope everyone has had a good weekend. Mine has been pretty good, I just wish the sun would come out for a bit!

Does anyone remember this from December?


I have been cross-stitching for a while now, I had at one point started a blog for that alone but felt I didn’t make enough progress to keep up with it, But I might start it up again just for my own sake. Anyway here is what it looks like now; you can actually tell what it is suppose to be!


I love seeing things come together. This has been what I have been doing while watching TV. We have Netflix and are enjoying it immensely. We have watched many movies and alot of TV shows.

Another great hobby of mine is reading. I am currently reading a book from the Harry Potter series, and also read alot of Stephen King. I was at one point doing book reviews which I want to start up again next time I read a stand alone book (I read alot of series).

And the last hobby I want to mention is my video games. I am not into them as much as I was in the past but still love to sit down and play a good RPG, and Dean and I love playing the Lego games. We are currently playing Lego Star Wars and it is a hoot! It is fun quality time spent working on something together rather than staring at the TV and him reading and me Cross-stitching.

So stay tuned for some book reviews and cross-stitching progress updates. What are some of your hobbies?

Friday, May 13, 2011

Where did it go?

You know that great feeling of control and power that you get when you are eating well and exercising? The motivation that we all get when we are into the groove and doing well? Or what about the feeling of success when we say no to that chocolate, or hit the gym even though we are falling asleep standing up? Well all that has gone missing for me.

I have not tracked anything since yesterday at lunch… and my choices have not been the best. I did not go to the gym yesterday and will not be going today. This is how it always starts. No matter how motivated I feel it eventually just goes away. I could probably come up with thousands of triggers for why my motivation has decided to up and leave, but the truth is it boils down to two things. 1) I am not seeing the weight loss or seeing the inches go away. 2) I am starting to feel like doing this doesn't matter.

No this is not meant to be a pity post. I know I am in control of this. I know that I need to nip it in the butt now. I am not giving up, I am simply struggling. I am hoping that by blogging about this I will wake up tomorrow morning back on track. Also I still have my personal training and I will not just throw away the money I spent on me.

However that being said I still feel like I am stuck. I haven't lost weight, and sure I probably gained muscle, but I don’t feel like that matters. My clothes don’t fit any better, and sure I don’t jiggle in as many places before but I don’t feel like it matters. I feel as though I could work out until forever and nothing would change. I feel like I can eat bang on and nothing will change. I know that is not true and I know what is more important is that I am healthy and have energy and can function through the day. I know that the gym for me is a huge stress reliever and that if I didn’t have it I would probably be a mental mess.

I am just getting discouraged that I will probably have to count calories the rest of my life, that I will probably always have to go to the gym, which isn’t all bad, to keep my weight in control. I know this time is different just because of what I am writing now. I will not give up, I just don’t know how to re-motivate myself! I would love to have some sort of victory that would make me feel like this is all worth it again!

Tuesday, May 3, 2011

Personal Growth recap

Wow it’s been almost six weeks since I started my personal training. Time really does go by fast. I was looking back and I realized my pictures really suck of my before. I am going to try and get some good ones this week. I still have a ways to go!

In the six weeks I have had some good and bad times at the gym. I have developed a pretty good relationship with my trainer and he really is learning how to push me and how I work. I have done some things I would have never thought possible and have hurt in places I didn’t even know I had.

I have been on My Fitness Pal for a month now and have tracked most of what I was eating. I don’t always make good choices but even when I fail I track what goes in and I feel very motivated to get to the gym when I am in the RED.

However given all that, and I do recognize it as success. I feel ripped off some how. I have not lost any weight and I don’t see any change in my body. I know I shouldn’t feel sorry for myself, and I actually don’t. I am just frustrated that I am putting alot of time and work into this and not feeling much progress. And really that is a lie too because I am feeling better I am managing my emotions very well and my stress level is lower. for a while I had more energy, but that has laxed the past 2 weeks.

Over all I am doing well, I just feel that if I don’t see some progress in lost weight or looser clothes I will get upset and start giving up!

Sunday, April 24, 2011

A week in Review

Wow, I am so bad at sitting down and getting my feelings/thought out on this blog! I am going to try to make a effort to blog more often in an effort to get my thoughts out. My head has been very full lately and I have lost alot of concentration. This scares me because when I am at work I really need to focus on work and stay on track. So my week was not the greatest at first but had rounded up to end quite nicely.

Monday we went for a very nice walk in Shubie Park, which is literally just down the road from us. I plan to do some biking there this summer as well and it is a great place for and evening stroll. I wish I had of brought my camera but I will certainty next time. But I digress. So we went for a lovely walk and then ended up going and buying Chocolate Fudge Cake! It sure was yummy, but either my hormones were still bothering me of the sugar rush got the best of me but when it was time to go to bed I broke down into Hysterics! Poor Dean didn’t know what to do other than hold me and I did manage to settle down and get some sleep.

Tuesday I just knew I couldn’t go to work. I knew I would not be able to concentrate and tolerate people so I stayed home. I lazed around most of the day but did manage to get myself to the gym. The time I spent on the elliptical was torture. I was so incredibly exhausted after words I slept like a baby.

Wednesday I was feeling better but ate like it was going out of style. Again hormones or something else I don’t know but it was not a good situation. I did go to the gym but it didn’t really help much. Thursday was grocery day and while I was within my calories I was no where near where I wanted to be in catching up with my overage.

SAM_1002Friday oh Good Friday, it was sooo nice to be off and I spend the day cleaning, raking leaves in the yard and spent an hour at the gym. The cat must have enjoyed the smell of outside that was left on my sneakers because he made himself busy for a good 15 minuets rubbing and rolling around with my shoe! I felt so good and so in control all day. We treated ourselves to supper out at Jack Astor’s which was nice for a change. That night my Dad was flying in for the week to spend at home. This will be his last flight home because SAM_1004next time he will be driving home for good! It made for a late night but it was so good to see him. I am sure the anxiety of knowing he was coming home was part of what was making this week difficult for me. I hope now that he is here and I know he is well that I can stay focused. SAM_1003

Yesterday I drove Dad back to the house, we stopped and got grocery's for him and picked up the family dog who is staying with my aunt until Dad is home for good. Once I got back home I really didn’t feel like doing much and just slept and read on the couch. I was able to finish my Book (review to come). When Dean got home I had a major desire for fast food, so we got McDonalds, not the best meal but I enjoyed it and not I am not craving it.   

The past week had many challenges in it. I didn’t have my appointments with my trainer Jon because he had a course to attend Tuesday and I didn’t know what time I would be available Saturday. I did try to reschedule to Friday but because it was a holiday he wasn’t allowed to work (heaven forbid he make some extra money while making me healthier). Also the anxiety of Dad coming home was on my mind most of the week. I wasn’t sure how he would look or how he would act. He seems to be grieving about the same as me, which seems normal for us. Also my Aunt is not dealing well. She has been put on meds to help and will be seeing a psychologist for a while. I do hope that it helps. And to top it all off yesterday I found out my Grandfather wasn’t doing too well, he’s had a fall and appears to be  having symptoms of liver failure.

However this is a new week so I plan to make the most of it! I have finally gotten some ideas for posts written down so stay tuned!

Monday, April 18, 2011

More Random thoughts.

I always get these great ideas to blog about and then either forget about them or the moment has passed and they don’t seem as important. I know alot of this is probably due to an inconsistent routine. I have a routine that is pretty straight forward but at the same time it seems to change alot. I have had Monday off everyday this month and I will hate going back to work on Mondays after next week. We seem to be doing different things in the evenings and I don’t really find there is a consistent time to blog. I usually come up with great things to write about in the shower and then don’t get them out after that.

I am happy to say that I finally managed to get myself to a twitter/blogger brunch. I had a blast meeting girls that I “talk” to alot and it was nice to put faces to names. I had a great time and it was great to get out and socialize with someone other than my wonderful husband. I talk with the people at work alot, but it was nice to be out of the work place and the home. My husband is my best friend and that won’t change but I was so happy to get out and enjoy some girl time.

I over indulged  yesterday, but I have plans to burn most of that off. I need to burn off over 700 calories but I think I will be able to do it if I get some activity in everyday. It is nice to treat myself once a week so that I don’t feel as tempted throughout the week.

I made butterscotch chip cookies yesterday and they turned out fantastic. I am really enjoying baking lately can’t wait to dive into the cupboard next weekend to see what I can make! I just need to get better at blogging about it!

Well that’s it for my Monday rambling. Back to work tomorrow and have to stay on track!

Wednesday, April 13, 2011

Random Thoughts

Wow time flies by so quickly. I just have a few random things to get out there. And a tasty meal that will be added to Dean’s Dishes.

1. Are you my friend on My Fitness Pal? My username is hrclark I am tracking my food and even went back and tracked my horrible eats from Sunday. I am proud to say that due to the exercise I am on my way to creating a deficit!

2. I am  not on My Fitness Pal to lose weight. My trainer while knowing I want to lose weight wants me to eat alot. I need alot of protein and my Iron and Vitamin B12 are also important. Therefore I am tracking to be aware of what I am eating and to attempt and get in all my protein and other supplements. While I will be stepping on the scale once a week I do not except to see significant losses due to the muscle I know I am building. 

SAM_09933. After my mother passed away (it’s been over a month now, holy cow) my father went back to finish his work contract. He will be coming home in the summer for good. However because the house was going to be closed up for a bit I agreed to take our families cat. Her name is Rosie and she is at least 12 years old. We have also decided that even when Dad comes home we will not be putting Rosie though the trauma of moving again. She is finally playing with our kitty and roam the house.

4. I am doing well with the loss of my mother. And honestly I feel like I owe alot of it to exercise. I am starting to crave it and am excited to see how many calories I burn. I am doing a walk to 5K program and plan to start a couch to 5K program after that. Along with working with my trainer I am excited to see what happens! The only thing I am having difficulty with is my dreams… I am having dreams where Mom is with me but will not talk to me, she just follows me around… Weird right?

5. And last but certainty not least; Tonight we made a recipe from the Kraft Magazine. Pork, Snow pea and Mushroom Stir-fry. Here is the magazine picture compared to Dean’s creation (there were a few modifications);


It didn’t look the same but it tasted good!

Well I am off to bad and getting ready for another day of healthy choices!

Sunday, April 10, 2011

Went to the Market…

Wow what a beautiful day here today! I woke up to the cat being a pain in the a$$. But it was about 7:00 and the sun was shining through the windows! I had the idea then that I wanted to go to Seaport Halifax Market. I had never been there and was excited to go. But before heading out I made another great protein smoothie. In this one was spinach frozen strawberries, some yogurt, milk and protein powder. It was great and light enough to head to the gym right after. Yep we went to the gym first thing this morning. I ran/walked 2 miles and burned almost 400 calories. Then it was over to the market.

My honest opinion was not that great. I excepted to see lots of tables with fresh produce, meat, and baked goods. Instead I saw one table with fresh produce, one with bread and a few with meat. Most of the tables were jewellery and paintings or hot food to eat right away. Now I am not saying that some of that is a bad thing, but I was hoping for more. I really just wasn’t impressed. Now it may have been that because it was Sunday all the vendors weren’t there but I just excepted more.

After our walk through of the market we decided to walk the Halifax Waterfront. It was lovely with very little wind. By the time we got to the other end of the boardwalk we were both ready for lunch. We decided on The Old Triangle. It is one of my favourite pubs and because we don’t go downtown alot we don’t get there. I got my usual meal from there;

Pub Style Curry and Chips  Chicken curry served the Irish way, over chips with home-cooked mushy peas.

I really wish I had of brought my camera. It was so nice and sunny and there were people walking and kids playing. I was in heaven! We walked for at least an hour at a leisurely pace.

I am happy we got out and did something a little different today, I find the spring/summer is so much more enjoyable to me. I feel so much more motivated to get out and do things!

The rest of the day includes relaxing with my book and salmon for supper! Might take a trip to the mall or something but I just want to relax now!

Saturday, April 9, 2011

Want to be my pal?

My fitness pal that is?? Twitter has been all a flutter with alot of girls starting to use My Fitness Pal. I have scoped it out and feel like it might be a good source for managing my food intake.

Confession: For the past week and a half I have been eating Tim Horton’s Doughnut almost every morning.

Confession #2: At work pretty much everyday for the last week and a half I have been eating a bag of chips and a chocolate bar.

Ugh, I know, I know I am horrible. I had been thinking earlier in the week I was fighting a cold. Now I realize that I was probably feeling like crap due to my poor food intake. I feel so blah and I know I did it too myself!

So like I said; I have got MyFitnessPal set up and will be stepping on the scale first thing tomorrow morning. So if you wanna be my pal my user name is hrclark.


Plans for this weekend include tracking all my food, going for a walk with hubby, house cleaning as usual, and probably chill out and watch some movies! Hope to see you in my fitness pal feed!

Wednesday, April 6, 2011


The past couple of days I have been super busy and feeling under the weather. All I have wanted to do was come home and nap!


I nap alot. Well not as much since starting back at the gym again, but still alot. At first I had lots of excuses. I had anima, I woke up at 445 in the morning, I was lazy… It really does drive Dean nuts (which is why I put a picture of him napping up, lol). It used to bother me too because I felt like I would sleep the day away.

Now I am not napping as much. I am sure this is a good thing but I would love to just close my eyes and sleep for a bit. I often feel so much better after a nap! My problem is though that as tired as I am I have no other immediate pick me ups! I am not a coffee drinker and don’t really know of any other way to wake myself up.

Anyone have any solutions for exhaustion? Do you find you get sleepy mid week and need a nap?

I must admit though I am having a better attitude and over all well being since going to the gym and starting with my trainer!

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Exercise… Check, Food…

Wow its Sunday again already. I am blessed at having tomorrow off though, and the next 3 Mondays after that. It really is crazy how fast time goes by. I am proud to say that I survived another training session with my Trainer. I am sore again today but I am able to walk up steps and actually move so it is getting better.

I have my exercise down to a good routine for the most part. I even went Friday after doing 4 hours overtime because I didn’t get there Wednesday or Thursday. We also went today and plan to go tomorrow. Tomorrow I will show Dean some of the things I have been doing with the trainer!

I finally did settle on a protein powder. I got one at Costco because it was recommended to me by more than one person. It is Kaizen 100% Whey protein. I choose the decadent chocolate flavour. I had it with just milk yesterday following my session and it kind of just tasted like water. However today I put it in a smoothie with berries and spinach and you could definitely taste the chocolate. So far I like it!

However my eating overall has not been great. I know this is my next challenge but I don’t know how I want to go about it. I don’t really want to restrict my calories too much, I am not worried about my calories, more about what I am putting in my body. We don’t eat alot of processed food at home. But there are more instances than I would prefer that involve us not eating at home and getting fast food or going out to supper. I really want to put a stop to that but with the lifestyle we lead its hard.

I also need to work on getting more fruits and vegetables into my body. I will often bring them to work and then not eat them. I am really about convenience and if the food needs to be cut or peels I often won’t eat it. I am working on it though and I hope that as my body starts to feel better I will want to feed it with better food. I have the desire I just don’t feel I have the strong motivation yet.

Wednesday, March 30, 2011

Wordless Wednesday–RIP Mom

Well almost… My mother died suddenly March 6 2011, my wonderful husband said some wonderful words about her at the funeral. Here is what he said:


Family and friends welcome, my name is Dean Anderson; I am Debbie’s son-in-law, husband to Debbe’s only daughter Holly. I am here today to share some words in memory of Debbe.

As some of you may know, Holly and I lived with Debbe for a year and a half. In that time I got to learn many of her eccentric qualities. She was a pack rat, with many different collections; she loved her elephants, as they never forgot. She also loved tea pots, butterflies’, lighthouses, and bajangles, which are sparkly hanging things. No matter how many collections she had she was always looking for a deal, buying her clothes at Value Village and her knickknacks at the dollar store.


Debbe absorbed all information, no matter how unimportant or useless. I remember Mike telling her he liked Black Tower wine, and from then on that was all she bought when he was coming home, even though it rarely got drank. I remember playing the Video Game Fallout 3, where after nuclear war bottle caps were the currency of the world, upon hearing this Debbe then proceeded to collect bottle caps in case of nuclear war.

When looking at pictures of Debbe, you can always pick her out. Her face never changed, just her hair style, and boy did she have a lot of hair styles. Debbe was a kind, good hearted person, who always had a smile on her face. She had a love for all things living. I’ve heard of her many pets, most of which have been named from The Lord of the Rings; Strider, Hobbit, and Pippen just to name a few. This has led Holly and me to name our pets after The Chronicles of Narnia.

me and mom

Debbe was a free spirit, always speaking her mind and believed enjoying life to its fullest, whether it be partying with friends and family, or sitting on the deck in the sun. Debbe was very predictable, I remember her calling her father everyday at 9:00a, watching her “Silly Show” (Days of our Lives) at 2:00, and getting a phone call from Mike at 7:00pm.

I met Debbe before I met Mike, as he was in Ontario. Even before I met Mike, I knew that Debbe loved him and they must have shared a special bond living apart the way they did. I remember Debbe saying every time she visited him it was like a honeymoon.


Debbe and her sister Heather, although 9 years apart, where the best of sisters and became the best of friends, Debbe always referred to visiting Heather as travelling half way across the world, but was always excited to see her, her family, and her dogs. Debbe’s only Niece, Jennifer held a special place in her heart, and referring to herself as Aunt Da-Bee. Debbe was also very grateful for her Brother-in-law Kent, who would help out whenever asked.


I met only a handful Debbe’s Friends while living with her; Holly and I spent a night by the fire pit with her and Dar, had Brunch with Sue and Glenn after my wedding, and she went out often with her skating friend Lynda.


I remember Debbe Hosting Holly’s Bridal Shower with no running water, and the plumber digging a hole in the front yard, she still had a smile on her face and was calm, cool and collected about the whole situation, even though Holly was freaking out. I remember Debbe’s showing me her Horses Ass trophy, which she received for her Darts league placing last through the whole season, an accomplishment which she laughed about and was proud of.

When not living with Debbe every visit she would push food on me, whether it be, a baked good, or a full on meal. Debbe had little knowledge of the computer, so little that I received a phone call asking how to turn off the computer, I had to explain how to use the mouse to go to the lower left corner, click the windows symbol, move the mouse to the right until it is on shut down.


Debbe graduated from Vocational School with papers in Hotel, Motel, and Restaurant Management. When we went to my orientation with NSCC, we found her yearbook and she received a sticker stating she was an Alumni, she also was able to tell me which locker was hers and which classrooms she was often in. While Debbe was in school she had travelled to Banff, Alberta and worked at Banff Springs Hotel, an experience she talked of often.

Debbe also chaperoned a trip to Ottawa and Toronto with Holly’s Pathfinder troop. It was on this trip where she fell in love with Niagara Falls. Returning there with Mike for a short getaway, where they won at the casino.

 Holly's wedding spet 12 2009 030

Debbe worked at Sobeys as a cashier for many years, due to that she had developed many relationships, leading her to go to Sobeys every 2 or 3 days just to socialize; she often ended up buying discounted food which she never ate.

Debbe Loved a lot of things, her gardens among the most important, and her greatest garden was the one she cultivated between family and friends. Throughout the years she has weeded out the bad and kept the good, nurturing and growing each of us in our own way. I would like everyone to take a second and look around, this is “Debbe`s Garden”.


I would like to finish with reading this poem thanking Debbe for her greatest gift to me.

When you gave birth to your child

I wonder what you thought

As tears flowed down in joy that day

For the treasure God had wrought

As you looked into your baby’s eyes

And held her tiny hand

Did you know how thankful I would be

For the girl you made a woman

No girl grows into such a woman

Without a mother’s care

Teaching her and loving her

And always being there

And now I look into the eyes

Of the daughter you raised to be

A woman who stands above the crowd

And it`s your eyes that I see

Those steely eyes of strength and hope

And of character so rare

The eyes of love and faithfulness

And wisdom that you shared

I want to take this moment

And thank you for the one

That you shared, and let me love

Your daughter, Thank you Mother In-law


Miss you Mommy RIP