Thursday, June 16, 2011

Alone in my Head

Hubby got a promotion at work a few weeks ago. It so great that he got a promotion, and it’s great that all the management love him at work, he has even been told more promotions are in his future! The down fall of the new position is the new hours. Dean now has to work some evenings and closes. With the different hours comes more alone time for me, which poses a problem.

So what is wrong with alone time? During the day really nothing, I tend to be productive and get things done, but in the evenings there is less to do. First of all I don’t like being in the house after dark by myself. I know that is kind of stupid, and I do feel safe, I just get anxious and imagine all kinds of crazy things. The other reason I don’t like being alone is the thoughts that go through my head after  too long. I think about everything and normally end up in tears or getting mad at myself for how this always happens.

I used to think about my lifestyle and how unhealthy I was. I would get frustrated at myself and what I would eat, or the fact that I would be sitting on my butt on the couch. I used to think of what was going on in my life and how I could change it, I felt hopeless. Now I have my Mom to add to that. I am coping well but also often get surges of emotion. Plus my grandfather isn’t doing so well, or my aunt for that matter. I have alot in my head right now and it’s alot of stuff I want to get off my chest but don’t feel comfortable sharing on the blog. I do write some of it in a journal, but alot of it just gets shoved to the back of my mind.

Until of course I am alone to think about it. To distract myself I usually end up doing random things that aren't really productive. I am hoping that blogging about this will help me get some of my anxiety out and I will feel better. I am also using this opportunity to take up time before it’s off to bed! So my question to you is;

Do you  have a private blog to get your thoughts out?

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