Wednesday, September 7, 2011

Guilt… Lots of guilt

So I have been doing this whole thing where I am working on my self, health and emotions. Dad is coming to visit tomorrow and I have had Mom’s camera at my place and he wants it back. So I thought I would take the pictures off it, that is why I had it in the first place.

Enter guilt trip extraordinaire! I found what I believe is the last picture that was taken of my Mom. What makes me so sad and guilty is that I was there and I refused being in the picture. I could have had a chance to be in that photo, Mom asked me to be in that photo, and I was being to petty and stupid and said no.


My cousin, mother and grandmother. 3 generations just not the right ones. I should have been in that picture. The worst of it is that it also made me realize that I will never have a 3 generation picture with my mom. I have one with my great grandmother, even though she passed away when I was only a baby,

The other thing I realized is that I have changed alot in the last 6 months. Things that used to be so important are really stupid and petty. Life is more important than being mad about people being late or what you have for a holiday dinner.

What I now know is that I have to take as many opportunities as I can to spend time with my father and other family, I need to remember the time spent and not how it is spent but that it is spent with family, friends, and being happy.

I miss Mom everyday, some days are harder than others, Today was a rough one, I can’ only hope that tomorrow will be better.

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