I think I might finally be able to get some thoughts out in writing. My head has been very full the past few days and I just feel very overwhelmed.
There are alot of things going on in my life, the biggest is probably work. I have been waiting for the day I can go off work, but I don’t know when that will be. I can go off of work the end of this month, but money wise it probably isn’t the best idea. I am still capable of work physically, but mentally I am wiped out. I also don’t have alot of sick time left and with lots of appointments I will start not getting paid for my sick days. I could also probably drop down and work 4 days a week, that would be more money than EI. So I don’t know what the best thing to do is.
When it comes to figuring that out I meet with my new doctor next Monday – the one who will be delivering my baby. I am hoping she can give us some insight about when the best time to be off is. I am also anxious about meeting the new doc. I just started a relationship with my regular one and now I need to start all over again. I am pretty critical when it comes to doctors and what they should do. I guess it comes from working with them.
The one thing about being off work that won’t be an advantage is being home alone. I do not deal well with being alone alot. I tend to get into my thoughts too much and end up not being productive. I need to find a sense of motivation and get into a routine. Its really not easy for me and I am really scared it will end up badly.
I am really not sure how much of this makes sense, I just know that it feels better getting some of it out. I really want to feel motivation to get things done around the house, I want to feel like I have a routine and I need to feel like a good wife/mother. I guess the question is how do I do that?