Sunday, November 7, 2010

Guilty little secrets

Well another weekend is over. I have had a weekend and week full of struggles. I am really struggling with finding myself, which is what this blog was meant for in the end. I don’t want this to be a “weight loss” blog. That is never what I intended. But the truth is so much of my personal struggle revolves around my self image and weight. I don’t feel good in my own body. Secret #1: Part of my brain says “oh we won’t really crack down on weight loss until the 190’s” How crazy is that? And yet it is my internal talk. I feel completely mortified that I would think that way. But also some of me thinks I am happy where I am at some of the time. I know my husband loves me, I know my friends (what little I have) love me for who I am. To the people that matter I could be 400 lbs and they would still love me. Except I wouldn’t love me, and I don’t now either.

And that brings me to another thing. Secret #2: I am a loner. And I don’t really think of that as a bad thing. I could name on one hand my friends. I know they are real friends and that is important, but also lately I have been craving socialization. I am alone after work and on Saturdays, and while sometimes I really enjoy that alone time other days I just wish I had more friends so I could have plans.

And last of the confessions Secret #3: I play Farmville on Facebook. Haha, yea lame I know but it passes time and is sometimes cute and interesting.

Well that's all of my little secrets today. What are some of you guilty secrets?

Today I started working out. I did the Biggest Loser game. a 25 minuet boxing routine and a 5 – 10 minuet challenge. It was fun but I am exhausted. I have a feeling my arms and calves will be cursing me tomorrow!

We also went through the Christmas stuff to see what we wanted/needed for the house. The top of the list is a new Christmas Tree. We were able to get rid of a box of stuff for donation! And after going through that we are now fully unpacked and purged of all the junk! It feels really good.

After lunch we headed to Dartmouth Crossing and found a coffee table and end table set. We got them from JYSK. We also looked at a nice Dining room set, but that will have to come later!

Now I am waiting for supper (hamburgers) and very upset that it is dark out at 5:00. Its a short week for me as I have Thursday and Friday off! I plan to work out tomorrow when I get home from work! I will let you know how it goes!

1 comment:

  1. Holly, sounds like you're getting some motivation back, good job on all the workouts lately! I'm going to have check out this Kinect thing, is it like the Wii?

    PS. Yes, your weight doesn't matter to your friends - your happiness does though. xoxo

    PPS. We should hang out later this week.