Well another weekend is over. I have had a weekend and week full of struggles. I am really struggling with finding myself, which is what this blog was meant for in the end. I don’t want this to be a “weight loss” blog. That is never what I intended. But the truth is so much of my personal struggle revolves around my self image and weight. I don’t feel good in my own body. Secret #1: Part of my brain says “oh we won’t really crack down on weight loss until the 190’s” How crazy is that? And yet it is my internal talk. I feel completely mortified that I would think that way. But also some of me thinks I am happy where I am at some of the time. I know my husband loves me, I know my friends (what little I have) love me for who I am. To the people that matter I could be 400 lbs and they would still love me. Except I wouldn’t love me, and I don’t now either.
And that brings me to another thing. Secret #2: I am a loner. And I don’t really think of that as a bad thing. I could name on one hand my friends. I know they are real friends and that is important, but also lately I have been craving socialization. I am alone after work and on Saturdays, and while sometimes I really enjoy that alone time other days I just wish I had more friends so I could have plans.
And last of the confessions Secret #3: I play Farmville on Facebook. Haha, yea lame I know but it passes time and is sometimes cute and interesting.
Well that's all of my little secrets today. What are some of you guilty secrets?
Today I started working out. I did the Biggest Loser game. a 25 minuet boxing routine and a 5 – 10 minuet challenge. It was fun but I am exhausted. I have a feeling my arms and calves will be cursing me tomorrow!
We also went through the Christmas stuff to see what we wanted/needed for the house. The top of the list is a new Christmas Tree. We were able to get rid of a box of stuff for donation! And after going through that we are now fully unpacked and purged of all the junk! It feels really good.
Now I am waiting for supper (hamburgers) and very upset that it is dark out at 5:00. Its a short week for me as I have Thursday and Friday off! I plan to work out tomorrow when I get home from work! I will let you know how it goes!