Honesty

I pride myself on being a very honest person. I speak my mind and say what I mean, I very rarely beat around the bush. Which is probably why when I am feeling crappy and having a bad day I don’t blog. I don’t like to sound negative and I don’t want pity, or hearing things that while might mean to sound supportive but only sound fake to me. (no offense intended, I say those things to others too).

The truth is I am really struggling with the question WHY?

• Why am I trying to lose weight.
• Why can’t I lose weight.
• Why do I find it so hard to lose weight.

I am sure there are more questions that start with why by those are the three I find myself asking alot. You would think the first question would be easy. I am unhappy at my current weight. Which is true… some of the time. When I look at pictures of myself I am unhappy with my weight, but on a day to day basis I don’t feel “fat”. I have a husband who loves me no matter what and I work in a job where it is not necessary to look a certain way at all. So the next reason might be for myself… or because I know I am unhealthy, truth is although I am classified as “overweight/obese” I don’t feel that way. I look at other people and don’t feel different than them. It is a real struggle for me to continue on this journey of Weight Watchers and losing weight if I don’t have a strong sense of why I want to lose weight. And that right there answers the other two questions!

I really don’t know what I am looking for. I don’t know if I want to continue on this journey or not. I get so quilty when I eat something “bad” when I am on WW. I get so mad at myself because I know what I should be doing… so why am I know doing it??? I think all this information is up in my head somewhere but I am not being 100% honest with myself as to the whys of my life!