So yea all that crap about being positive, I am taking a day off. Today the scale showed me a number I NEVER wanted to see again. But if I am going to be honest with myself I will add that part of me wanted to see if just eating would make me gain weight, or if I would maintain. Well I figured it out. I gain weight, which means for the REST of my life I will have to monitor what I eat. So to be honest I haven't decided what to do about it all yet other than CHANGE! I completely had a breakdown last night while I was trying to find something to wear to Dean’s birthday dinner. I have said to myself all week “I feel bloated” well no it’s just plain fat!
What do I want?
- To lose 20 lbs ASAP (yes I know it doesn't all come off fast)
- To be able to enjoy and crave exercise or activity.
That is all, it seems so fricking simple and yet I cannot make it happen. I know what and how and why and all that stuff but can’t seem to just do it. Gah I should scream.
Ok I am going to stop ranting now and try to figure stuff out!