Friday, May 20, 2011

Just Maybe.

Well TGIF! This week has been hellish, and for not real reason at all. I have been fighting a sore throat now for 2 weeks. It could just be weather related but it’s very annoying and has been dragging me down. Plus I have been super sleepy. I cannot pin down why, I have been sleeping well, and taking my iron and B12 so I don’t think that would be it. The only think I can think of is that my emotions have been all over the place and that might have something to do with it.

I miss my Mom. This week has been really bad. I do very well at work and around people, but when it is just me or me and hubby I get very sad and have cried alot this week. I know this will all take time and I know it’s to be excepted but I don’t want to be sad. Dean doesn't know how to help me and I don’t know what to tell him. All I want to be able to do is pick up the phone and chat with her. We have had alot going on in our life and I want to share it with her. I talk to my Dad but he’s not a big talker and so making conversation is hard even with all the good things going on.

This week gets topped off by the fact that I hurt myself pretty badly at the trainer on Tuesday. It’s almost healed today but Wednesday and Thursday I could barely get up the stairs. This has led to little or no exercise in the past two days. I want to get out and do something, but finding the energy is hard. I know I will feel better once doing it but it’s been so hard for me to get out and do it. I fear my strength is slipping and that I will give up. But I don’t want to give up! I have tracked everything this week, even though it wasn’t the best week food wise. I will likely see a gain on the scale and I am ok and have already come to terms with that. I just don’t know how to pick up and get going again!

My thoughts are telling me to take the weekend “off” and for the most part I mean “exercise”. I am in the habit of tracking now and I have learned to accept it if I go into the red. But maybe I need some time away from the gym and just try to do things naturally instead of forcing activity. The lawn needs to be mowed and the house cleaned. We plan on going out to my parents house to do some things. Maybe we can just include activity into our weekend with out it being we “have to” do something.

Just Maybe…


  1. Hey there

    A few things:
    You've suffered a HUGE loss. One I don't even want to imagine. The grief you are feeling must be overwhelming! I'm sure that's part of feeling like you might be slipping or like you are tired, or a million other things. Don't beat yourself up for any of it. I'm so so sorry. :(

    But-just in case-have you done a pregnancy test? First sign for me was fatigue.

    As to the injury, I don't know that I'd take the weekend off. I'd find other things to do-like you said, do your lawn and clean your house. Take strolls through the neighbourhood. Be active-maybe not the gym. After the weekend though-back at 'er. If the injury is still bothering you, I'd ask your trainer for ideas/thoughts to keep continuing on.

    I hope you have a great weekend....and I hope you know you have people always willing to listen

  2. You have been and are going through the aftermath of a significant loss in your life and it's VERY okay to feel sad. Grief is probably the worst emotion to deal with and it takes longer than we want it to. You have a good head on your shoulders and you sound like you are in tune with everything just right. Providing some allowance for yourself is ok. It's ok to take some time off of exercise, especially if you are injured and keeping up the tracking will keep your accountability in check.

    I'm sorry you're having a rough time, Holly. That's so tough :-( *HUGS*

  3. I can't even imagine what you are going thtough and your loss is still so new...take time to grieve. Never feel bad for feeling sad. I wish I could make a phone line to heaven for you. Huge hugs Heather