Where did it go?

You know that great feeling of control and power that you get when you are eating well and exercising? The motivation that we all get when we are into the groove and doing well? Or what about the feeling of success when we say no to that chocolate, or hit the gym even though we are falling asleep standing up? Well all that has gone missing for me.

I have not tracked anything since yesterday at lunch… and my choices have not been the best. I did not go to the gym yesterday and will not be going today. This is how it always starts. No matter how motivated I feel it eventually just goes away. I could probably come up with thousands of triggers for why my motivation has decided to up and leave, but the truth is it boils down to two things. 1) I am not seeing the weight loss or seeing the inches go away. 2) I am starting to feel like doing this doesn't matter.

No this is not meant to be a pity post. I know I am in control of this. I know that I need to nip it in the butt now. I am not giving up, I am simply struggling. I am hoping that by blogging about this I will wake up tomorrow morning back on track. Also I still have my personal training and I will not just throw away the money I spent on me.

However that being said I still feel like I am stuck. I haven't lost weight, and sure I probably gained muscle, but I don’t feel like that matters. My clothes don’t fit any better, and sure I don’t jiggle in as many places before but I don’t feel like it matters. I feel as though I could work out until forever and nothing would change. I feel like I can eat bang on and nothing will change. I know that is not true and I know what is more important is that I am healthy and have energy and can function through the day. I know that the gym for me is a huge stress reliever and that if I didn’t have it I would probably be a mental mess.

I am just getting discouraged that I will probably have to count calories the rest of my life, that I will probably always have to go to the gym, which isn’t all bad, to keep my weight in control. I know this time is different just because of what I am writing now. I will not give up, I just don’t know how to re-motivate myself! I would love to have some sort of victory that would make me feel like this is all worth it again!