Well here it comes again. The desire to say F*** it and quit this stupid tracking food crap and counting calories. I know it works, I am seeing it work for alot of people. But it is not working for me! I have not lost anything since I started tracking. Now it could be that I am building muscle, it could be that I am losing inches. But in all honesty I don’t believe it. Sure I am stronger and I feel better physically. But mentally I have seen very little success so therefore feel like I have not accomplished anything.
The real problem lies in the fact that I become obsessed with food. I want to eat and then I do but then I feel bad. I over eat and then beat myself up over it all day long, even though I am still within my calories. I get hungry around 8:00 and want a snack, knowing that I shouldn’t. I want to give up and just say screw it for the night.
This is not a new struggle, it’s a constant struggle. I cannot find that balance between knowing what to eat and having to think about everything I eat. I cannot find that inner voice that turns food down. I just get so frustrated with everything about tracking and counting. Part of me always just thinks if I exercise I will lose the weight. Clearly that isn’t happening, but my mind still thinks it. I am just at the point where I don’t feel like I can do this for the rest of my life. Which I know I will need to do, at least somewhat,
So what will I do… I’m not really sure, but at least I have gotten my feelings out.