Inspiration

Wow time flies. It’s been over a week since I last blogged. For me it has been a rough week, which is why I probably didn’t blog. I find if I don’t have anything nice to say I am best not saying anything at all. I had a self sabotaging week last week. I tracked until Friday but just didn’t make good choices and really let myself down. I am so close to the 170’s and I just can’t kick my ass out of the 180’s. Part of me thinks I am scared of being able to say I lost 10 lbs. Which I know is stupid but my brain just isn’t working right these days.

That is another reason I haven't blogged. I have spent too many evenings the past little while stressing over things and letting the smallest things get the best of me. I am considering going to my doctor to see what she can offer for help but at the same time I don’t want to be put on drugs if I don’t need them. I am really trying to focus on one issue at a time and just do what needs to be done without worrying.

It feels good to get some of that off my chest. I stepped on the scale this Sunday and saw a gain, but between TOM and my self indulging I wasn’t too bothered by it. I also had a huge success Sunday. We went out for brunch for my Grandmother and Cousins birthday. I ended up eating like 20 points for lunch! I was really pissed off at myself because I wanted to try so hard. But me and Dean changed our meals around and I ended up staying within my points! I was so proud of myself. Another thing for me to be proud of is that I haven't had junk food at work for the past 2 days. This is huge for me and has inspired me to continue. I only hope I am not jinxing myself.

Well off to have some supper and enjoy my evening with hubby.

I love days off!

Wow I love days off, especially with my husband! One reason is I end up with breakfast that looks like this;

That is French Toast, with peanut butter and banana and and apple. It was soo good. So yesterday I had mentioned we were heading out to the health expo. To be honest I was a little disappointed. I found there was alot of things there that didn’t interest me in the slightest. Plus there was alot of people there which made it hard to talk to the vendors and get to the booths. I did manage to get some swag and fill out some ballots for things.

Did you know it is apparently the most depressing day of the year? Well it wasn’t for me. I had taken today off and we spent most of the morning cleaning. I love days off because I feel like I am in so much more control of my eating. Both Sunday and today I have gone over my Daily points but I don’t feel guilty about it because all my choices were good ones. I did go to the store and buy a chocolate bar or a bag of chips.

We went for a walk this evening, even though it was cold and I didn’t want to go, but that’s why my Husband is amazing. He knew that after eating our big chicken dinner we should go for a walk. This was the amazing bird we ate tonight with all the fixings!

It’s back to work tomorrow and I am going in with a good frame of mind right now. I only hope I can keep making good choices and not eating junk food. It is so tempting at work because it is so easy to get, weather I buy it myself or some one offers it to me!

I hope everyone is having a non-depressing day!

Another one down.

Well another pound gone, another week over. I have been wanting to blog but haven’t been able to get what's in my head out in a way that makes sense. I can’t figure out why I want to lose weight, the only thing I can think of is that I have wanted to for so long and I keep “giving up” and I feel like I failed myself. I am not happy with my body some of the time and the rest of the time I am indifferent. I rarely have a day that I say “wow I feel hot” day, and those days I do once I see pictures I don’t think I look good.

So I am feeling good today. I am tracking again, not sure how much longer it will last. My online runs out in February and if I don’t feel motivated then I might cancel my subscription and take a break or count calories or something. In exciting news though we are heading to Optimyz today! I am excited to be doing something a little different for a change. I also have tomorrow off so I will be able to relax tonight and not feel like the house work didn’t get done.

Honesty

I pride myself on being a very honest person. I speak my mind and say what I mean, I very rarely beat around the bush. Which is probably why when I am feeling crappy and having a bad day I don’t blog. I don’t like to sound negative and I don’t want pity, or hearing things that while might mean to sound supportive but only sound fake to me. (no offense intended, I say those things to others too).

The truth is I am really struggling with the question WHY?

• Why am I trying to lose weight.
• Why can’t I lose weight.
• Why do I find it so hard to lose weight.

I am sure there are more questions that start with why by those are the three I find myself asking alot. You would think the first question would be easy. I am unhappy at my current weight. Which is true… some of the time. When I look at pictures of myself I am unhappy with my weight, but on a day to day basis I don’t feel “fat”. I have a husband who loves me no matter what and I work in a job where it is not necessary to look a certain way at all. So the next reason might be for myself… or because I know I am unhealthy, truth is although I am classified as “overweight/obese” I don’t feel that way. I look at other people and don’t feel different than them. It is a real struggle for me to continue on this journey of Weight Watchers and losing weight if I don’t have a strong sense of why I want to lose weight. And that right there answers the other two questions!

I really don’t know what I am looking for. I don’t know if I want to continue on this journey or not. I get so quilty when I eat something “bad” when I am on WW. I get so mad at myself because I know what I should be doing… so why am I know doing it??? I think all this information is up in my head somewhere but I am not being 100% honest with myself as to the whys of my life!

Pictures, and Results!

Wow, it’s been a busy week. I’ve been meaning to blog the past few days but it’s just been crazy. Thursday we went out and I got a new slow cooker! I have been using my Grandmothers for years, it is literally older then me! I got a Hamilton Beach Slow Cooker. I used it for the first time yesterday and made the “Garlicky Chicken Stew” out of the newest WW cookbook. As with most recipes it was ok but there are definitely some things I can do to make it better next time!

Friday was spent getting groceries and relaxing on the couch. Yesterday I went to Value Village, with my mom. I scored a great pair of heeled boots and a few shirts. I really enjoy going to Value Village, when I am in the mood.

I also finished up working on my picture box. A few years ago for Christmas Dean gave me this awesome picture box. Well the plan we came up with was to put a whole year of pictures in it. So every January I print off pictures and put them in the box. I keep the ones I want in a separate folder all year. This year I printed them at Costco, it was so easy and pretty inexpensive. It takes some time to sort through them but I love doing it. I take the pictures from the following year and put them in a photo album, this way I am printing off my pictures, even if it’s once a year. Something that alot of people don’t do anymore due to digital pictures.

Today is snowy and the roads look to be a mess so I think we will be staying in and cleaning. Then we will probably put a movie and and relax. I weighed in this morning and was down a pound. While I know that is great I thought I would do better because I exercised more and followed my points. Oh well start again today with tracking everything and exercise. Should be some good points coming my way with the snow I will have to shovel. Hope everyone has a good week!

Routine

What time do you wake up in the morning?

I get up at 5:25 in the morning, that is gross when you have to do it 5 days a week. But I have my routine so down pat that I am ready and out the door by 5:55. I shower in the evening and lay everything out before bed. I make my lunch the night before and have everything ready to go!

We also have a very good evening routine, we have supper, go for our walk and then relax until bed. Sometimes I think it’s boring and crappy but most days I like it.

Do you have a routine you like?

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In other news we have walked everyday since Sunday! That is great for me, it’s cold and crappy out but we are still walking! Tonight I even wore snow pants, and my hat and my hood, but I was warm. Its also a great time for us to talk about all kinds of stuff, and just walk the day away.

Positive vs. Negative.

Are you a positive thinker?

I used to be, and then something happened. I can’t really say what it was, I don’t really know. There are alot of things I could think about to associate with my lack of positivity. Truth is thinking about those things now doesn't help me feel better, only worse.

I hate to admit that I am a negative thinker, but I am. I think badly of people and am over critical. I usually see the negative side of things, my glass is half empty not half full and I am always thinking that I am going to fail. I need to change this, in a major way, so I am really trying to listen to my thoughts and if they are negative then try to turn them around. I can succeed and will!

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In other news I wanted to share last nights supper with you. Dean was home yesterday and made an amazing meal, complete with garnish and everything. It really pays off being married to a chef!

So here we have Pork Tenderloin, Twice Baked Potato, Mashed Sweet Potato, and Sweet Potato Soup.  It was deeelish!

Tomorrow’s hump day and I am excited that I am still doing so well and feeling well.

Back in the Game!

Holly 2, Fail 0. I am back in the game. Both yesterday and today I have tracked everything I ate and exercised. I weighed in yesterday at 182.6. I changed my weigh in day to Sunday to make it easier for me. I am feeling really good right now!

My plan for now is to work out harder 3 evenings a week when I get home from work, we also plan on taking a 40 minuet walk every night we are not running errands (probably 4 – 5 nights a week). Once the spring hits I might start running, but for now I am using The Biggest Loser Ultimate Challenge for Kiniect, XBOX 360.

My only hope/goal is to see a decrease in the number 3/4 weeks (taking into account TOM). I know I can do this, I have been in the 170’s before with success, its getting past there that I will really have to crack down.

Hope everyone’s Monday went well, as it’s a first day back to work for many! I know mine did!

Welcome 2011 and New Resolutions

Hope everyone had a happy and safe New Years Eve. As I said yesterday we are celebrating tonight when hubby gets home.

Becuase it is the first day of 2011 it’s only normal to have a few resolutions or goals for the new year. Lets review what I accomplished in 2010 first. My last years resolutions can be found here. The short list is;

• be in our own house
• budget and have a good savings plan
• RUN the bluenose 5K
• be healthy enough to have a baby.

Well I did pretty good.

We bought our first house and we are very happy in it. Being here after a few months we are seeing alot of the things we want to change, I was amazed at how easy the whole process was! Take my initial tour here.

We were able to get our house because we have a good budget and savings plan, I am very happy with our financial situation right now and we plan to continue with our budgeting and saving!

While I didn’t run the Bluenose this year I did run MOST of a 5K, posted here.

When it comes to a baby, my doctor says with taking my supplements and vitamins that my blood work is as good as it is going to get. So that is good. Me and Dean were talking about a baby a few days ago and have decided there are a few things we want to do/purchase before having a baby, so that is on hold for a while now.

So there was 2010, now moving on to 2011.

My main goal is to find myself. Which was the purpose of this blog back in October. For the most part this means being happy in my own skin, which will involved losing weight and becoming more active. I really don’t want to set myself up for failure and I think while this has been my goal for so long, I know it’s obtainable and I know I can do it if I just set my mind to it!

Hope everyone has a wonderful 2011, and accomplishes some of their dreams!

Friday Night In

Happy New Years Eve, unfortunatly Dean is working tonight and tomorrow morning, so instead of ending the year with a bang, we will be starting the year with a bang. We plan to celebrate tomorrow, having a few drinks and watching movies!

The good thing about today is that it’s the first day since Monday that I am staying in. I am very excited. Here’s what my night will include;

My plans involve watching something chick flick like, reading and cross-stitching. I am reading the third book of The Dark Tower, by Stephen King. I am really enjoying them so far, it is a mix between fantasy and sci-fi. My cross-stitching is a very massive project, the biggest I have ever done. It is slow going but I am happy to see progress!

I might even have a drink or two while waiting for my hubby, but I doubt we will see the ball drop or any thing like that. I also have a feeling some cleaning might get done before settling in.

Happy New Year Every One!

Financial Feelings

It’s finally a sunny day here today!

Just a few thoughts on money and budgeting today.

Hubby and I have been in our house now for 3 months, and I thought money was going to be a big strain. Truth is it isn’t as bad with a well worked out budget. When we first moved in it took about a month to get it all figured out, and now we  have it down pat. We are even paying more into debt re-payment then needed if you follow Gail Vaz-Oxlade’s budget plan. Over all I am happy with the way things are going on the money front.

Next up is Christmas spending. Who spends too much at Christmas time? Everyone I am sure. Going into December we knew we had alot of events coming up (family and friends birthdays, my own birthday, Christmas parties and shopping ect.) We had decided to not pay as much into our debt for the month of December and even said if we had to use some credit that would be ok. Well when I budgeted the books on the 26th everything worked out, without going farther in debt! I think we are pretty awesome for that to happen! Now it has been hard getting back to following the budget but we are slowly getting there.

Do you budget, if you do do you follow it?

Working the Holidays.

If you don’t know I am an RN. And not only that but I am also a CL (Clinical Leader). Which is basically a fancy name for charge nurse. It is the reason that I work Monday – Friday, 7 – 3 and never weekends, most holidays (unless I want) or evenings and nights. Pretty amazing job for an RN right?

Well yes, and no. I work in long-term care and most days love my job. I laugh almost every day and have made alot of good relationships. But lately it’s been getting to me. I have 33 residents (or patients) which also means 33 families to nurse. I am responsible 24/7, I carry a cell phone that could ring at any time, and while I might not need to go into work I can’t just ignore it either. I also have around 20 staff I am responsible for. This means discipline and mentoring, and over all making sure they do their jobs. 

So there is the background for my job. The holidays at work are fun, we decorate our unit and play Christmas carols until we dream about them. We get loads of goodies and junk food, and have special functions both for the residents and the staff. We get the residents all dolled up and see many of them go home for a few days with their families if they are able.

It is also sad. Many families don’t come in, many families don’t even leave gifts. This leads to the residents being sad, and the staff being sad for the residents. It’s hard to be happy about that, and it makes you think of your family. Now that Christmas is over, things will be going back to normal, but for me in my role normal never really changes, things just get added on. Our routine stays the same weather it’s Christmas or not, my job is still there waiting for me when I get back. I may be lucky in some ways but to have the lives of 33 people on your hands 24/7 it’s hard and very tiring.

My job lately has been exhausting, while I love it I am aware that nurses have a high burnout rate, and if I don’t slow down I may very well become burnt out. I try very hard not to take work home with me, but some days it’s hard. Also for a nurse it is hard for me to lose weight. There is always food around, weather it is something a family brought in of a bag of chips a co-worker bought. I find that the most challenging of all!

How do you deal with work stress??

The Physical Damage

Well good afternoon, I weighed in this morning to look at all the Christmas damage, in all I gained back 4.6lbs. It is more than I had wanted but I am done worrying about it and am back to tracking.

Speaking of, did you know that three little mini cupcakes is 10pts? Well you do know, and so do I, ugh problem is that all the Christmas goodies are still at work and it is hard for me to say NO!

I am feeling the strain of being full of sugar and junk though, I am sluggish and going up my stairs is a challenge at times. But I am really hoping to get out for a walk 5 nights a week and work out 3 afternoons a week. My ultimate goal is to get to the point were in the spring I can start running outside. I have thought about running alot, and even though it’s not my favourite thing, I don’t hate it, and it’s one of the cheapest things to do!

Well that’s about it for today, I just hope know I can stick with this and lose the weight.

Merry Christmas, Moving on.

I hope everyone had a safe and happy Holiday. No snow here and honestly little holiday spirit to be had due to family events, but over all we did pretty good and have some money for the boxing day sales.

 

Moving on to other events. I will be weighing in tomorrow and am honestly terrified to see the results. However with that weigh in comes a new turn, back to counting, weighting and watching what goes in my mouth. I do plan to have a few treats on New Years and there is a possible dinner out in the mix, but I will get through the week and see a loss.

My mind is set on this once and for all. I was looking back at my resolutions for last year and although we are now in our house and have a good budget in place, I am not at all physically better than last year nor am I ready for a baby. We did talk about it last night and there are some things we want to accomplish and do before a baby comes into  our lives. It is time to get out of my head and start acting instead of just thinking. My brain is always on overdrive and I over think everything, usually leading to not accomplishing what I wanted to do.

Mentally I am at a stand still and I really need to get past the negative thoughts and emotions I have been having and get back to the postive side of things. My life is good and really have nothing to complain about, but because of that I am comfortable in my body more than I should be. When I look at pictures I am horrified and next holiday season I want to be happy with what I see in the pictures!

I plan to start walking again this week and then getting into the other exercising after that.

So Close :(

There was one thing I would have loved for my birthday. When I first re-started WW this time I said I would love to lose 10 lbs by my birthday (this coming Monday). As you can see on the side it did not officially happen. 0.2 freaking pounds away! Now Dean says it could still happen “unofficially” but based on the food I ate and plan to eat in the next few days I don’t think that will happen. Oh well such is life and at least it was a loss.

I fully except the scale to go in the opposite direction next week, but this will be the worst of the holiday season I think. You know it is the Christmas season at my work when the chocolate starts showing up. In fact we get so much at this time of year that we keep some put away so everyone can have some. Yesterday it was Quality Street, which is probably my absolute favourite! Today was my work’s annual luncheon where management serves everyone, so I had a full turkey dinner. Friday is out work Christmas party which is a buffet and oh so good! And finally Monday is my birthday dinner.

This time of year is very hard, and I so far have tracked everything I can remember eating. Even if I go over my points at least if I track it I will feel ok with it all. Next week I only have to worry about Christmas dinner and the junk that lays around work. All I know is that I can do this and I will do this.

The New Weightwatchers Plan

Well alot of people have been commenting on the new PointsPlus plan, so I thought I would share my thoughts and feelings after being on it about a week.

First I gained one point, I went from 28 to 29 points a day, so that was not a huge change. For me it has always been a struggle to stay within my points on days I work. I am much hungrier and also pack more and have access to all the bad stuff. At home I usually do ok, and occasionally dip into the WAP’s for a glass of wine or plate of nachos. I have heard some people gained like 5 and 6 points from the new system, which must be great, I know it would be for me! Basically this hasn’t changed my eating in a way that I am now not going over or not being very careful with supper and after supper.

Second fruits are 0 points. Well ok, I was really excited about this at first. I don’t eat alot of fruit but I do eat enough that I thought it would make a difference. My husband couldn’t understand how they could make fruit 0 points due to the sugar in them, but while reading through the material we saw their “disclaimer” of sorts, saying that eating too many fruits and vegetable may slow down  your weight loss efforts.

Thirdly everything else went up! While all fruits went down it seems everything else went up in points. I played around with the point tracker last night and found that the only thing that is still “good” is the fibre. So while calories don’t count against you as such anymore, everything else does. I find it very frustrating. My main example is Subway, while my sub I normally got was 7 points it is now 10! That’s a big jump. I have noticed for the most part things are jumping 2 points up in the difference. So overall I am at more of a deficit this way.

Forth, I am an online WW. I got to a point that I could guess pretty accurately what the points of products would be while I was out shopping, now not a clue, and from what I understand people that go to meetings are being told they have to buy a calculator. I do not agree with that at all and it makes it alot harder to go shopping and find good foods to buy. Also being an online member I had access to lots of restaurants and products in the tracker. Now most of these are gone, including Starbucks and Subway. This also makes it very hard to go out anywhere to eat!

Finally I am not in love with this new plan, it seems to me that they made it more difficult for people to eat anything but fruit and veggies, which makes it harder to pack lunches and in the end more costly, especially in the winter. Only time will tell if I am successful on this plan but it is hard for me to think positive about food right now when I feel everything is worse for me!

Of course these are my opinions and it is my choice to stay with the program or not, I am aware that some people probably love the new plan.

Shopping Week

Wow we have done a bit of shopping this week! Our bank account is happy for all the action!

Tuesday after I had a bit of a voice back (yea it is mostly back!) we headed out shopping for clothes for the season. We hit up Moores for Dean. It was buy one get one free on designer suits so we ended up with two. It was a really good deal and we also got him two dress shirts and cufflinks! I am very proud of him because when I met him his suit size was a 40 and now it was a 38! His neck size has also changed alot too! Then we headed to MicMac and went dress shopping for me. I ended up finding one at Rickis. However we will have to wait for pictures of it. I also got a pair of shoes!

Then today I went Christmas shopping for Dean, I ended up getting most of my list for him with some money to spare. It wasn’t too bad out there this afternoon either.

Saturday is The Nutcracker and I am super excited for it, can’t wait!

Lost and Found

Wow, I always have so many ideas I want to blog about, and then never get around to it. So I will warn you this may be a bit of a marathon post.

Well another week has gone by, and I am here at home sick :(.

First I am going to show you the pictures of the tree up and my village, we are finally in the Christmas spirit and it feels good!

My village set up on the Bar.

 

The Tree!

We got the tree at Costco and it’s perfect, might put it in the corner next year, we will see.

And since we are talking about the holidays I had my first holiday festivity this weekend. I participated in a cookie exchange! It was my first time undertaking a project like that and I must say I feel it was a success…  Thanks to all the ladies who participated and to Tammie who hosted the event. That is a little sample of what was made, the rest is safely in the freezer for if/when we have guests.

So I mentioned I was home sick, well I totally lost my voice Saturday and it is just today slowly making its return. I went to an On-Call Doc yesterday and it’s just laryngitis, but because of my job, I am not able to work and not talk, I assume by tomorrow I will be able to work and have a relatively normal voice.

Talk about losses; I lost another 2 lbs! I really wasn’t excepting a loss based on all the junk I had eaten over the weekend but I was pleasantly surprised. Also as all WW’s know the new plan rolled out yesterday. I am feeling good about it, but kind of nervous at the same time. I won’t really be able to start activity again until the weekend but hopefully by then I will be feeling good and ready to tackle it all.

So there ya go, not to long I guess, this weekend we are going to see The Nutcracker, and I hope to get my shortbread baked and my Christmas shopping finished up. Have a good week!

Wow, is it real?

Well for once I am blogging when I wanted too. Life seems to get in the way, even though there isn’t much going on.

So the Christmas decorating is done for another year. Our tree is very pretty and I feel rather festive. There will be pictures to come, just haven't got there yet.

I weighed in yesterday to see another loss on the scale! Now I can go get my eyebrows waxed as a goal reward. I have been looking forward to the 6th for a while now since it will see the new changes of the program. I feel mostly in control.

Yesterday food wise wasn’t great because Dean is sick and we both fell asleep leaving us to order something. I may have overdone it, but tracked and moved on. I would love to be out of the 180’s for my Birthday, but we will see.

I really need to start looking for something to wear, and Dean needs new dress clothes too. Christmas and this month are always super busy! We have 4 birthdays, plus the  holidays, it is expensive and nutty!

A big shout out to Lynn and her Hubby who are celebrating their wedding anniversary today!

Well that is about it, I guess I kind of rambled alot, but my mind is very unorganized lately. If i don’t write things down I tend to forget them and I can’t even speak right lately…

Alot to catch up on!

Wow it’s been over a week and I fully intended to blog since Tuesday. Last weekend we did indeed go to Pete’s where I found my all time favourite Christmas Tea! I had it for the first time last year and went searching and couldn’t find it anywhere, then over the summer realized that Pete’s sells the brand so I knew it would be there, and it was just as good as I remember it! Last weekend also involved our first snowfall and I did indeed bake more cookies!

Tuesday brought around a loss on the scale! And I have worked out/ walked pretty much everyday this week. I am enjoying my flex points but that is what they are for. I also see that new changes are on the horizon for the Weight Watchers program. They start next week so we will see what happens with them.

This weekend we finished up our Christmas shopping for the family, I baked mini brownie muffins (which went stright to the freezer), and we got out the Christmas decorations. We got a good start yesterday and will probably finish up this evening.

I weigh in tomorrow, and I am feeling really good about it, I am glad I re-joined WW because I now am feeling in control again which will no doubt help me through the holiday season!